say i was shameless
dear god, is there anyone less suited to writing an action scene than I am? Can't I just go, "Dean kicked the demon's ass. It was awesome. Then he and Sam had sex. The end."?
*whimpers*
***
So I posted a story on Wednesday night - Double Vision, in which canon!Sam and Dean get to meet girl!Sam. This seems like pure, self-indulgent crack, right? When I first mentioned the idea - girl!Sam meeting I-have-a-brother!Dean - it was during my sifting through ideas for the girl!Sam five things story, which folds in the original girl!Sam AU I'd begun (and stalled on) long before I started "Beggars Would Ride." I mentioned it to luzdeestrellas, and though I cannot at the moment find the AIM transcript, I'm pretty sure we shot it down as being too implausible even for a crazy girl!Sam AU five things story (which now has seven things, but two of those could totally be a bust; I don't know yet).
ANYway.
The idea came up again the other night - Monday, I guess? - and there was discussion of Sam/girl!Sam and how it would just be like masturbation, and how Dean would be freaked but enthusiastic, and there would be a lot of porn and hilarity and it would amuse us, if no one else.
I had the opening all planned out, but Dean didn't cooperate. I mean, I was able to sit down and write 3K words in basically one sitting on Tuesday afternoon, but the story wasn't funny, it was sad, and it worked a whole lot better without any actual boy/boy Wincest - bringing in such an AU character - a girl version of Sam, even if I like to think she's pretty close to canon!Sam in personality (or the way I write him anyway - there are differences, but they're not huge) - I felt like I had to hew as close as possible to a canon version of Sam and, especially, Dean, and while I obviously have no problem getting to a Wincest place in writing, or in reading someone whose version of the characters rings true for me, what I don't see in canon is any sexual *desire* for Sam on Dean's part - there's enough love to power the universe, enough need to keep several therapists in business until the twelfth of never, and certainly the willingness to do whatever will make Sam happy, but I still really need to be brought to a place where Dean *desires* Sam - this may partly be due to my own lack of desire for him - I love Sam and I can see that he is attractive, and I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, but he doesn't turn my crank particularly. Part of it is that I just see Dean as straight. I imagine he might have experimented, and I don't think he really cares all that much what other people do, but I have completely bought into Dean's heterosexuality, and his love of women is one of the things I love about him, problematic aspects of it notwithstanding.
So for many reasons, it's much easier for me to reach the Wincest place if Sam is a girl (possibly also because I devoted 45K words and three months of my life to making that work inside my head, and I can't seem to let that AU go). And it just seemed much more interesting for Dean to be shocked and horrified by the concept, and to wonder if it were something he himself was capable of, and under what circumstances, than it was when it was just about the porn.
So it's really more a meta examination of my own tangled feelings about how to write Dean when I am writing Wincest, I guess, and a lot less a porny romp where girl!Sam has sex with the canon version of herself and his Dean.
I'm just really glad it worked for other people, and thank you for the lovely feedback.
Of course, now I kind of have to write the story where AU!Dean is frantically worried about girl!Sam and then they have hot reunion sex when she gets back. Um. I wish I had an excuse for that, but mostly I just think it's really hot and kind of touching. I own my craziness in this regard.
luzdeestrellas is laughing at me right now, but it's all her fault for encouraging my folly.
***
*whimpers*
***
So I posted a story on Wednesday night - Double Vision, in which canon!Sam and Dean get to meet girl!Sam. This seems like pure, self-indulgent crack, right? When I first mentioned the idea - girl!Sam meeting I-have-a-brother!Dean - it was during my sifting through ideas for the girl!Sam five things story, which folds in the original girl!Sam AU I'd begun (and stalled on) long before I started "Beggars Would Ride." I mentioned it to luzdeestrellas, and though I cannot at the moment find the AIM transcript, I'm pretty sure we shot it down as being too implausible even for a crazy girl!Sam AU five things story (which now has seven things, but two of those could totally be a bust; I don't know yet).
ANYway.
The idea came up again the other night - Monday, I guess? - and there was discussion of Sam/girl!Sam and how it would just be like masturbation, and how Dean would be freaked but enthusiastic, and there would be a lot of porn and hilarity and it would amuse us, if no one else.
I had the opening all planned out, but Dean didn't cooperate. I mean, I was able to sit down and write 3K words in basically one sitting on Tuesday afternoon, but the story wasn't funny, it was sad, and it worked a whole lot better without any actual boy/boy Wincest - bringing in such an AU character - a girl version of Sam, even if I like to think she's pretty close to canon!Sam in personality (or the way I write him anyway - there are differences, but they're not huge) - I felt like I had to hew as close as possible to a canon version of Sam and, especially, Dean, and while I obviously have no problem getting to a Wincest place in writing, or in reading someone whose version of the characters rings true for me, what I don't see in canon is any sexual *desire* for Sam on Dean's part - there's enough love to power the universe, enough need to keep several therapists in business until the twelfth of never, and certainly the willingness to do whatever will make Sam happy, but I still really need to be brought to a place where Dean *desires* Sam - this may partly be due to my own lack of desire for him - I love Sam and I can see that he is attractive, and I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, but he doesn't turn my crank particularly. Part of it is that I just see Dean as straight. I imagine he might have experimented, and I don't think he really cares all that much what other people do, but I have completely bought into Dean's heterosexuality, and his love of women is one of the things I love about him, problematic aspects of it notwithstanding.
So for many reasons, it's much easier for me to reach the Wincest place if Sam is a girl (possibly also because I devoted 45K words and three months of my life to making that work inside my head, and I can't seem to let that AU go). And it just seemed much more interesting for Dean to be shocked and horrified by the concept, and to wonder if it were something he himself was capable of, and under what circumstances, than it was when it was just about the porn.
So it's really more a meta examination of my own tangled feelings about how to write Dean when I am writing Wincest, I guess, and a lot less a porny romp where girl!Sam has sex with the canon version of herself and his Dean.
I'm just really glad it worked for other people, and thank you for the lovely feedback.
Of course, now I kind of have to write the story where AU!Dean is frantically worried about girl!Sam and then they have hot reunion sex when she gets back. Um. I wish I had an excuse for that, but mostly I just think it's really hot and kind of touching. I own my craziness in this regard.
luzdeestrellas is laughing at me right now, but it's all her fault for encouraging my folly.
***