Comments | muses_stewpot: Challenge 21 Response

smeddley in muses_stewpot

Challenge 21 Response

Jul 11, 2006 12:06

Title: The Ghost int he Castle (for lack of anything more creative)
Author: ME! Um, Smeddley
Challenge: 21
Rating: PG for two instances of a mild swear word
Notes: I have no idea where this came from. I seem to like rambling narratives, though. It's voice posted in abridged version in my journal if you're too lazy to read... ~.^

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challenge 21, smeddley

Comments 4

triskellion July 11 2006, 17:14:49 UTC

Interesting. I like the sense of confusion because even the narrator doesn't really know anything. Poor fellow. Or is he? I guess we may never know.

smeddley July 12 2006, 01:48:56 UTC

I hadn't really decided. But in my heart I don't think he was evil, probably more toward the 'nobleman who had a heart attack during dinner' sort.

I think the interesting thing is that he DID know everything, but has forgotten it. It's a deep look at the fleeting quality of life and the mind, and how time passes us by and memories can be swallowed...

Yeah, that's all BS. I didn't feel like making up a coherent plot... ;)

kailita July 12 2006, 04:50:59 UTC

This is a very interesting concept, and very well put together (I think that's the right phrasing...). I guess a knight could say "gizmo" and "crap" if his vernacular modernized with the times from listening to modern day people talk, though it seemed a little stretched in some places. But I like that your narrator has such a distinctive "voice," even outside of the modern slang. His musings were at least thought-provoking, especially the fly-on-the-wall bit and the possibility that he could be in hell ( ... )

smeddley July 12 2006, 13:35:24 UTC

Yeah, especially when I was reading it I was worried the tone was a *bit* too modern. Would it be better if I made it clearer that the people have been poking around for many years (twenty or thirty) and have him say something along the lines of "I'm even talking like them now!" or... something...

Oooh, great point! He should be more vague on the number of years. I'd say if he said "five or six hundred years" that would be reasonable. So it's not like he remembers, but he's got a decent ballpark.

Thanks!