Cultural Customs and Diplomatic Dilemmas (Part One: Chusel)

[kailita]

Second part of A Golden Cage, which I posted on Christmas Eve. :) ( Part I and Part II, in case memories need to be refreshed.) (And I really need suggestions for a title for this whole thing, because A Golden Cage is actually the name of the first chapter, not the entire project.) I am entirely open to criticism and suggestions for anything that

Comments

[triskellion]

This is very nice. It is exciting to see how the situation is advancing, and the new perspective opens up a lot of opportuinities.

A warning however. You rattle off a lot of names with no direct explinations of who they are. It would help a bit if the relationship between Cilyein and Reion (I think those are the right names) is detailed and who the narrators are is explained.

However, I love the 'bit of a scene' that is finally explained at the end. Poor Cilyein has no idea what he is getting himself into.

[kailita]

I want to leave some mystery around Reion until he actually comes into the story, so I'm purposefully staying away from describing him too much. And his wives (Tifernei, Shaefel, etc.) should be making an appearance shortly. But I do want to make sure that Hekmat and Chusel and their relationship to Cilyein and the royal family is clear. Is that what you mean by explaining the narrators?

[triskellion]

I don't want descriptions so much as confirmation that I am correctly identifying who he is. And I appologise, I didn't mean narrators but rather the two main speakers of this section.

Let me say what my guess is for everything. Reion is the head of the country, but it is really Hekmat who is running it. Hekmat and Chusel are either military leaders or minister types, I think the former for Hekmat and the later for Chusel. Cilyein is Reion's brother? If so, I'm in some ways surprised by the amount of latitude he seems to have with the government. Then again, if Reion is not taking part at all, why shouldn't his brother stick his nose in?

These are my guesses, but again, just guesses. I'm in no way certain about any of it, which is why I was concerned about this section. You throw a lot of names around, but it isn't clear just who these people are. I hope that helps.

[kailita]

Ohhh, so you're saying clarify the roles? I got it. Yeah, that's a good point. I can see a couple places where I can put in a little more explanation about who people are. Your impressions were mostly right on, though. Hekmat and Chusel are both in the "royal advisor" position, but Hekmat probably has a little more power simply because he's more ambitious and aggressive. Cilyein is Reion's younger brother, and he probably wouldn't have the chance to be so actively involved in the government dealings if Reion cared - but since he doesn't, somebody has to make the decisions, and the High Counselors don't really care if it's Cilyein as long as he doesn't get in the way of whatever it is that they're trying to accomplish. And since he's royalty, he does have some control over what is done in the government, even if he's not the king.

Thank you for your help! :) I appreciate it.

[kailita]

Hmm, that's a sign that there's some definite need for clarification then. I'll have to slip in some less-subtle explanations. In fact, I think I only mention that they're brothers once...so yeah, I'll definitely try to find a way to slip that fact in a couple more times.