"When It All Falls Apart" for hp_wishes
Title: When It All Falls Apart
Author: museme87
Granting wish for: liebedance
Theme: #2-Angst
Pairing: James/Lily
Prompt: Break-up
Rating: R, mostly for language
Word Count: 1100+
Warnings: Dark themes in passing, major angst (obviously)
Author's Notes: Written for hp_wishes. I can never pass up an opportunity to write Lily/James, regardless of what I have to put them through. I hope you enjoy, liebedance!
Lily checked her hair in the mirror on the sitting room wall for what must have been the fifth time in as many minutes. She fussed over her bangs, not particularly caring for the way they were adamantly hanging right in her eyes rather than sweeping off nicely to the side. If James didn't arrive soon, she'd likely tear all the pins and bands out of her hair and start all over again.
She glanced nervously at the clock. He was late. Didn't he know how important this dinner was to her? Lily was bursting at the seams in anticipation for telling her parents about her engagement. It'd been a week and already her mind was filled with thoughts and ideas about her wedding day. She'd wanted to tell her family immediately, but James insisted on telling them in person when he was able to be there with her.
Holding out her left hand, she gazed down at the ring. Someday soon she was going to be Mrs. Lily Potter. The thought excited her in ways that she didn't think possible. All those years of arguing and rejection between she and James, and they, of all people, were getting married.
Just as Lily was about to look at the clock again, she heard the door to her flat open and in walked James. She was going to rush towards him and pull him into a kiss, but she stopped suddenly. Something was wrong. He wasn't dressed nicely as he should have been for the restaurant, and there was this dejected look about him.
"James?"
"Sorry I'm late," he said, wearily.
She approached him and threaded her fingers through his unruly hair. He looked pained, but after giving him a once over, she realized that he hadn't had a run in with any Dark Wizards. He hadn't been on an Order mission last night either. So whatever was the source of his trouble, it must have been personal.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked.
"Do you remember my cousin Cora?"
"Of course."
"She's dead."
Lily felt as if she'd been stung. Cora Potter was a few years ahead of her and James at Hogwarts, but Lily didn't know her well as she was in Ravenclaw. They had meant once this past summer at a family get together of James', and it was then that she learned just how close the two of them were. James had explained to Lily that he grew up with Cora, that he thought of her as a sister and he would do anything for her. So to hear that she had died, well, it was no wonder that James was devastated.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, James."
He turned from her, and Lily could see in his eyes that he was fighting back both the urge to cry and the urge to tear into something. Anger and sadness were something that just went together when it came to James. Lily only hoped that she'd be able to convince him to stay with her over night, as he'd no doubt go and do something terribly stupid if left to his own devices.
"Death Eaters," he said.
That had grabbed Lily's attention. She hadn't thought Cora Potter's death had been intentional when James had told her.
"What?"
And he turned to her, face contorted in rage and tears freely pouring down his cheeks. "They violated her, Lily. Violated her, and tortured her, and only afterwards did they kill her. Her and Louis."
"But I don't understand. I thought Cora and Louis were as far removed from this war as anyone possibly could be. The Death Eaters had no reason to want her dead."
"They're removed. I'm not."
She knew where he was going with this and had to stop it at all costs. "Don't you dare, James Potter. This is not your fault."
"They knew she was precious to me, and they knew that she was going to marry a Muggle-born. Why not punish us both at once? This is all my fault, Lily. When I think of what she must have went through…I can just hear her in my head…"
Lily embraced him, allowing him to cry softly into her hair. She wasn't sure how to fix this, how to fix him. There was no way they could ever manage dinner with her parents now. She would have to telephone them as soon as she got James settled down. And Sirius. She would need him if she had any hope of keeping James at her flat.
"I can't marry you," he whispered.
She recoiled. "What did you just say?"
"I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't."
Lily felt tears welling in her own eyes now. What was he saying? But they had just got engaged. They'd been so happy this past week, talking about the wedding and marriage and babies. James couldn't be serious.
"Be reasonable, James. Please. You can't mean this."
"But I do."
"You're just upset is all. You shouldn't say these sorts of things when you're like this. No one thinks properly when they're grieving."
"I've made up my mind."
Anger started to bubble up inside of her. What was he thinking? Was this all just a stupid game to him? Had he ever really loved her? She wasn't sure how someone who claimed to love someone else could be so cruel to them.
"Give me one good reason why, James. One fucking reason."
"Because you'll end up like her."
"I won't."
"You will. You will because fucking Snivellus knows you mean everything to me. He'll have told them, and now it's just a waiting game."
"It's not going to happen like that. Sev would never let them do anything to me."
"Wake the hell up, Lily. They're winning. And last time I checked, Voldemort was calling the shots."
Lily slapped him hard across the face, her rage and her sadness getting the best of her. James touched his reddened cheek and turned to her slowly. She knew he hated doing this to her, taking away the one thing that she had to look forward to-a future with him. But she didn't regret what she'd done.
"This is what they want, you know," she said, trying to keep her voice even.
"I know."
"And you're going to let it happen."
"I have to. If it meant saving your life, I'd do anything."
"You do realize that this-right now-this is killing me, right? You're not sparing me an ounce of pain."
He shook his head sadly. "I love you, Lily."
"Get out."
James made a move to touch her but apparently thought better of it. He walked to the door, and then paused to look back at her. Lily had never felt a pain so vivid in her life. She wasn't entirely sure she'd survive this.
"I would rather die together, James, than live without you."
"I'm sorry," was all he managed.
Author: museme87
Granting wish for: liebedance
Theme: #2-Angst
Pairing: James/Lily
Prompt: Break-up
Rating: R, mostly for language
Word Count: 1100+
Warnings: Dark themes in passing, major angst (obviously)
Author's Notes: Written for hp_wishes. I can never pass up an opportunity to write Lily/James, regardless of what I have to put them through. I hope you enjoy, liebedance!
Lily checked her hair in the mirror on the sitting room wall for what must have been the fifth time in as many minutes. She fussed over her bangs, not particularly caring for the way they were adamantly hanging right in her eyes rather than sweeping off nicely to the side. If James didn't arrive soon, she'd likely tear all the pins and bands out of her hair and start all over again.
She glanced nervously at the clock. He was late. Didn't he know how important this dinner was to her? Lily was bursting at the seams in anticipation for telling her parents about her engagement. It'd been a week and already her mind was filled with thoughts and ideas about her wedding day. She'd wanted to tell her family immediately, but James insisted on telling them in person when he was able to be there with her.
Holding out her left hand, she gazed down at the ring. Someday soon she was going to be Mrs. Lily Potter. The thought excited her in ways that she didn't think possible. All those years of arguing and rejection between she and James, and they, of all people, were getting married.
Just as Lily was about to look at the clock again, she heard the door to her flat open and in walked James. She was going to rush towards him and pull him into a kiss, but she stopped suddenly. Something was wrong. He wasn't dressed nicely as he should have been for the restaurant, and there was this dejected look about him.
"James?"
"Sorry I'm late," he said, wearily.
She approached him and threaded her fingers through his unruly hair. He looked pained, but after giving him a once over, she realized that he hadn't had a run in with any Dark Wizards. He hadn't been on an Order mission last night either. So whatever was the source of his trouble, it must have been personal.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked.
"Do you remember my cousin Cora?"
"Of course."
"She's dead."
Lily felt as if she'd been stung. Cora Potter was a few years ahead of her and James at Hogwarts, but Lily didn't know her well as she was in Ravenclaw. They had meant once this past summer at a family get together of James', and it was then that she learned just how close the two of them were. James had explained to Lily that he grew up with Cora, that he thought of her as a sister and he would do anything for her. So to hear that she had died, well, it was no wonder that James was devastated.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, James."
He turned from her, and Lily could see in his eyes that he was fighting back both the urge to cry and the urge to tear into something. Anger and sadness were something that just went together when it came to James. Lily only hoped that she'd be able to convince him to stay with her over night, as he'd no doubt go and do something terribly stupid if left to his own devices.
"Death Eaters," he said.
That had grabbed Lily's attention. She hadn't thought Cora Potter's death had been intentional when James had told her.
"What?"
And he turned to her, face contorted in rage and tears freely pouring down his cheeks. "They violated her, Lily. Violated her, and tortured her, and only afterwards did they kill her. Her and Louis."
"But I don't understand. I thought Cora and Louis were as far removed from this war as anyone possibly could be. The Death Eaters had no reason to want her dead."
"They're removed. I'm not."
She knew where he was going with this and had to stop it at all costs. "Don't you dare, James Potter. This is not your fault."
"They knew she was precious to me, and they knew that she was going to marry a Muggle-born. Why not punish us both at once? This is all my fault, Lily. When I think of what she must have went through…I can just hear her in my head…"
Lily embraced him, allowing him to cry softly into her hair. She wasn't sure how to fix this, how to fix him. There was no way they could ever manage dinner with her parents now. She would have to telephone them as soon as she got James settled down. And Sirius. She would need him if she had any hope of keeping James at her flat.
"I can't marry you," he whispered.
She recoiled. "What did you just say?"
"I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't."
Lily felt tears welling in her own eyes now. What was he saying? But they had just got engaged. They'd been so happy this past week, talking about the wedding and marriage and babies. James couldn't be serious.
"Be reasonable, James. Please. You can't mean this."
"But I do."
"You're just upset is all. You shouldn't say these sorts of things when you're like this. No one thinks properly when they're grieving."
"I've made up my mind."
Anger started to bubble up inside of her. What was he thinking? Was this all just a stupid game to him? Had he ever really loved her? She wasn't sure how someone who claimed to love someone else could be so cruel to them.
"Give me one good reason why, James. One fucking reason."
"Because you'll end up like her."
"I won't."
"You will. You will because fucking Snivellus knows you mean everything to me. He'll have told them, and now it's just a waiting game."
"It's not going to happen like that. Sev would never let them do anything to me."
"Wake the hell up, Lily. They're winning. And last time I checked, Voldemort was calling the shots."
Lily slapped him hard across the face, her rage and her sadness getting the best of her. James touched his reddened cheek and turned to her slowly. She knew he hated doing this to her, taking away the one thing that she had to look forward to-a future with him. But she didn't regret what she'd done.
"This is what they want, you know," she said, trying to keep her voice even.
"I know."
"And you're going to let it happen."
"I have to. If it meant saving your life, I'd do anything."
"You do realize that this-right now-this is killing me, right? You're not sparing me an ounce of pain."
He shook his head sadly. "I love you, Lily."
"Get out."
James made a move to touch her but apparently thought better of it. He walked to the door, and then paused to look back at her. Lily had never felt a pain so vivid in her life. She wasn't entirely sure she'd survive this.
"I would rather die together, James, than live without you."
"I'm sorry," was all he managed.