"Muggle Studies" for lilyjames_fest [Part 4 / 6]

[museme87]

Title: Muggle Studies
Author: museme87
Rating: R
Pairing: Lily/James, background Remus/Sirius
Wordcount: ~37,900
Warnings: dark themes (racism, hazing, slight non-con), sexual situations
Summary: As the Voldemort War rages outside the castle, long standing prejudices begin to seep their way into Hogwarts. For a Muggle-born student, everyday life has become significantly more challenging as Lily Evans knows too well. And her new partnership with one James Potter isn't exactly making things easier, especially when she discovers he isn't quite the arrogant toerag she once thought he was.
Author's Notes: Written for lilyjames_fest. Based on prompt 60. A huge thanks to klose and liebedance for the betaing, hand holding, and Brit-picking.



IV. A Muggle Christmas

Filling her hands with cold water, Lily splashed her face and took in a deep breath. She looked into the bathroom mirror and hated what was reflected back to her-bloodshot eyes, blotchy skin, and slightly swollen cheeks and lips. She shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be crying about what couldn't be changed. But ever since receiving the Prophet that morning, she hadn't been able to stop.

Margaret Birkett, the girl that she had received a letter from that very summer saying that she wasn't returning to Hogwarts, had been found dead along with her younger brother. It felt utterly surreal. Lily still had that letter tucked inside her trunk, the one with Margaret's pretty handwriting. If she still had a piece of her, how could Margaret be really gone?

Lily held onto the porcelain sink for dear life, feeling another wave of tears bubble up inside of her. Her eyes fell to her watch, however, and her heart jumped in her chest. Twenty-two past eleven already? Fuck. She had a meeting with James and Professor Dirwint at half past. If she sprinted, Lily might be able to just make it, but given her state of disarray, she dreaded the idea of anyone seeing her. Lily couldn't miss the meeting though, not when she was going home for Christmas in two days.

Dashing out the door, she ran down the staircases and through the corridors, willing her feet to go faster and her face to return to its normal coloring. In her haste, she nearly tripped on two occasions. As she rounded the corner to Dirwint's office, she was relieved to see that James was still in the corridor. She'd apparently made it just in time.

"You can't keep being late like this, you know," he teased, slipping her a smooth smile. "It's really irresponsible, Evans, and I won't tolerate it much more."

She glared. "Shove off, James."

"I was worried you weren't going to show." His brow furrowed. "Oi, are you alright, Lily? Your face…"

He reached out for her, but Lily took a quick step forward and turned her back toward him to evade his hand. God, she hoped that he wouldn't press her about this. Lily couldn't open up about this. She struggled with the thought of Margaret. To put her feelings into words…. No, there was no way. Telling James wouldn't make all these horrible emotions go away.

"It's nothing. I just got caught up in something," she lied. "But I couldn't very well miss this. We need to talk to Professor Dirwint."

James flashed a look that suggested he knew something was wrong but he would let it go for now. Sweet James. His heart was often in the right place, but that didn't make him any easier to deal with in these situations. She was fortunately saved, however, when the door to Professor Dirwint's office opened.

"Need to talk to me about what?" Professor Dirwint asked jovially.

"Oh, Professor, hello,"' Lily said, relief apparent in her voice.

"Come in, come in. Would you like some tea? I've just made a fresh pot," he said, as she and James slipped into the chairs in front of his desk. Two cups of tea levitated towards them before they had the opportunity to accept or decline his offer.

"So," he began, "what is it that you'd like to discuss this morning?"

"We're in a rough position with the January deadline," James explained. "Since Lily and I are working on a project that requires us to talk and experience the differences between our backgrounds, it's going to be difficult to make the deadline with the Christmas holidays coming up."

"Hmm, I suppose you're right," he said, sipping his tea and considering their situation. "You're really the only pair I have that is working on a project of this nature, so it does put you at a disadvantage. Have you considered meeting up before break?"

"We have considered that, sir, but so far we haven't come up with any ideas for topics."

"I wonder," he said thoughtfully.

The office fell silent. Lily glanced over to James, who was looking at her desperately. What were they going to do about this? It seemed that the professor was having as much luck as they were.

"Perhaps," Professor Dirwint began, "you might try something a little different? If it's not too much of an inconvenience, there is always the possibility of Mister Potter visiting you over the holidays, Miss Evans? It would give you the opportunity to experience what life is like for Muggles, Mister Potter, and provide you, Miss Evans, with some insight on how it feels 'to have the tables turned', if I may."

While it once would have seemed like a fate worse than death to Lily, she wasn't bothered by the suggestion at all. In fact, a couple days of Muggle life might do James some good. She would have to ask her parents if it was alright, of course. They probably wouldn't mind though as long as it didn't interfere with Christmas Day and Mass. Petunia would throw a fit, but Lily'd long since come to expect that from her sister.

"What do you think, James?"

He looked at her. "What do you think?"

"It might be a good experience for you."

"But your parents...I wouldn't want to intrude…"

Lily couldn't tell if he was trying to be polite or if he was just looking for an out. She supposed that it would be a uncomfortable for him, not only because he would be going to her house but also because he'd never had to live a magic-free day in his life.

"I think they would be alright with it. I can owl them at lunch."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "It would be a pleasure to have you over, James."

"Well, that solves that issue then. If your parents agree, you can easily write your topic on your experiences with living as a Muggle. And if not, might I suggest meeting up in Muggle London and introducing Mister Potter to some unique Muggle creations?"

"That sounds like a plan. Thank you, Professor."

"My pleasure, Miss Evans."

After making some polite conversation for a few more minutes, James and Lily left Dirwint's office. It wasn't a moment after the door closed that James took Lily by her arm to halt her progress.

She looked at his hand. "Something wrong?"

"Lily, I appreciate the offer, but if it's too much of an inconvenience…"

"Are you worried it'll be inconvenient, or do you not want to come? Because if you really don't want to stay for a couple days, you don't have to."

She searched his face for his answer. There was definite apprehension there, and it seemed like he was holding something back that he wanted to say. Sighing in frustration, James ran his hands through his hair.

"You don't think it would be strange?" he asked.

Of course it would be strange. Never in a million years would she have thought that James would visit her home. And considering what had happened at the Three Broomsticks, she didn't know if she wanted him there. Lily had been trying to make an honest attempt to snuff out her interest in him. But James wouldn't be coming over for fun; this was strictly Muggle Studies business. Their grade would suffer if she refused to host him, so Lily would have to suck it up. It would only be for a couple days, and a couple days couldn't really hurt anything.

"No, not really," she answered. "Well, maybe a little, but that's just history talking. We're friends now, right? And there isn't anything wrong with a friend staying over at another friend's house, especially when they have a project to work on."

"Right, just friends," he confirmed, though it sounded like it was said more for his sake than her own.

"Listen, you can think it over until I get an answer back from my parents. We'll decide then, alright?"

~*~

When the Express was ten minutes from arriving at Platform 9 3/4, Lily excused herself from the car that she'd been traveling in with Jane and Annalise and made her way down the corridor to one of the compartments further back. Since James had decided to come home with her, it would be better to find him before they pulled into the station than fight through the crowd on the platform to locate both him and then her parents.

Many eyes were on her as she passed the other students, their glimpses brief and wicked. She could only imagine what they must be thinking. Muggle hate had escalated recently in the wizarding world, and some of that had spilled into Hogwarts via the students whose families were known to have questionable views on Muggles and Muggle-borns.

Her mind preoccupied with not letting the looks get under her skin, Lily ran right into someone. She fell to the floor with a thud. Looking up, she saw Mulciber. A sneer was painted on his ugly face.

"Watch where you're going, Mudblood."

His companions in his compartment erupted in laughter, and it didn't take a genius to figure out who was riding with him. Avery, no doubt, and Sev too, much to her own disappointment. Mulciber had done this to her on purpose just to get a laugh. Was this what she was now? Fodder for amusement?

Lily got to her feet, willing the heat in her face to subside. It wouldn't do to show them that she was embarrassed or afraid; that would only encourage them. But just as she was about to open her mouth, he slammed his palm against the wall next to her head, cornering her.

"Scared?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Of you, Mulciber? Not even close."

She hoped her voice was steady enough for him to buy into it. In all honesty, her heart was pounding in her chest. His hands looked big enough to crush her skull in with little effort. He could make things very difficult for her if he really wanted to.

"I know there must be a good reason why you're threatening Evans, so why don't you enlighten me?" a familiar voice asked.

Lily hadn't even heard James approach; her blood had been pumping so loudly through her ears. She wasn't sure how he could manage to look both casual and dangerous as he leaned against the wall, rotating his wand between his fingers, but he did. Lily felt immediate relief as Mulciber turned his attention from her to James.

"What's this? The blood traitor arrives just in time to stand up for his Mudblood girlfriend? What did she have to do to get you on her side, Potter? Let you fuck her, did she?"

The chorus of laughter was cut off prematurely when James took Mulciber by the shirt and slammed him against the corridor wall. Lily wasn't sure she'd ever seen James as angry as he was then. He looked to be contemplating the use of an Unforgivable.

"Don't you ever talk about Lily like that again," he hissed, his grip on the shirt tightening.

"Or what? You'll hex me?" He snickered. "Must be one sweet fuck if you're willing to make enemies of us. Might have to try me a piece-"

Mulciber's face suddenly reddened, and he began groping for something around his neck. Small choking noises sounded from his throat, as if he were being strangled. There was nothing there though.

Her eyes flicked over to James, who stared at Mulciber in deep concentration. Lily panicked. What did he think he was doing? Was he hexing him intentionally or was this some sort of involuntary magic? She didn't know, but she wasn't about to let him continue.

"He's not worth life in Azkaban, James," she said, touching one of his arms lightly.

The spell ceased and James released his grip, sending Mulciber sputtering to the floor. Several of his Slytherin friends came rushing into the corridor, and Lily realized that it was probably best that she and James get out of there as quickly as possible before Mulciber's friends turned on them.

She took James by the hand and led him away from the group, seeking sanctuary in an empty car farther up. As soon as the door shut behind them, James ran his fist into the wall in anger. Lily wasn't sure what to do to calm him, so she tentatively placed her hand on his back.

"James? I, um, appreciate what you did back there, but you didn't have to get involved."

"Yes, I did. I couldn't just stand by and watch that happen, especially not to you. You don't understand…I…you're…" He sighed, turning towards her. "We're friends. And friends help each other out."

His hands settled on her forearms and gave a gentle squeeze. When had touching become something that they did with one another? They had agreed to be friends, yes, but did it require so much physical contact? She'd love to explain to him that that sort of thing wouldn't help her get over him, but Lily couldn't really do that, of course. Instead, she tried to numb herself to it.

"Thank you. Really, I mean it. I'd like to think that I can handle this sort of bullying, but-"

"Don't ever think that you can deal with Mulciber on your own. Promise me. The things that he could…Lily…"

He didn't have to complete his thought; she was very well aware of the horrible things that could happen to her. As she was about to tell him as much, she looked up at him and became suddenly lost. This was the first time since the Pitch that they'd been completely alone with each other. And there it was again, that strange magnetism between them, inching them together.

Lily allowed herself to be pulled into the moment. It would halt any progress she'd made on getting over him, but she didn't care, not when his lips looked so inviting. And maybe kissing him would do the trick. It sounded foolish, but that sort of thing always fixed things in fairy tales. There was a kind of magic in a kiss, and perhaps it would be enough to break this spell he'd cast on her.

"James?"

"Yeah?" he answered, breathlessly.

"I just…would you-"

The train lurched to a halt, sending James crashing onto the seat and Lily toppling on to him. For a second, there seemed to be a mutual agreement between them not to move. Lily's senses tried to store as many things away as possible-the smell of his cologne, the smoothness of his skin, the way his leg felt between hers. But the moment that they realized they passed over the threshold of awkwardness, she jumped off of him.

"We should go," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Mum will be waiting for us."

~*~

The ride home from King's Cross was awkward at the very least. Lily's mother, embarrassingly enough, chatted non-stop from the moment she met James, despite all those years of Lily writing home about horror stories co-starring James. Her mother was kind to a fault though and seemed very pleased to have another person to fuss over for a few days.

Her mother's chatting she'd come to expect, but what really shocked Lily was her sister had actually come with her mother to fetch her and James. Petunia likely only did so because she couldn't wait to see this boy that Lily was bringing home, eager to form more negative opinions about magical folk to justify her hatred. Petunia turned her nose up at the first sight of him and hadn't said a single thing on the ride home.

Much to her surprise, James did well in the car. At first Lily was concerned that he might become sick, being that it was likely his first time in one. She didn't miss the look of relief in his expression when they pulled into the drive, though.

"When is Dad going to get home?" Lily asked, opening the car door and climbing out.

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" her mother said, tucking her hair behind her ear in the very way Lily always had. "Sorry, dear, it must have slipped my mind. Your father had to go a business trip this week. It was all arranged last minute, and he was in a mood for days over it."

For weeks she'd been looking forward to seeing her father. Not that she didn't want to see her mum, but Lily and her dad had a special kind of connection. She'd been his little tom boy, coming home with scraped needs and covered in an inch of dirt, where as her sister had always placed value on being prim, tidy, and the perfect example of feminine virtue. Lily and her father had always found some sort of trouble to get into over her holidays; the fact that they would have less time to do so this holiday disappointed her to no end.

"He'll be home in time for Christmas though, won't he?"

"Of course, dear," Mum reassured, unlocking the front door. "I'm sorry you won't get the chance to meet him, James. Perhaps next time?"

"Sounds great," he said.

Lily glanced at him to find him smiling. She wasn't sure what to make of that. Did he really want to come back? Had he just said it out of politeness? The latter was the more likely of the two. James had a notorious record for trying to charm just about anyone who crossed his path. Yes, that was it. He couldn't really be interested in visiting her home again. After all, James wasn't interested in her any longer. And, Lily realized, she really had to stop over analyzing every little thing he did.

"Lily, show James to the guest room so he can get settled in," her mum said, unlocking the front door for them. "I have to run to the grocery to pick up some things for dinner."

"We could have stopped on the way, Mum," Lily called, exasperated, as she stopped on the bottom step of the stairs.

Petunia stood in front of her, looking thoroughly put out. "Mum didn't want to. She was worried her precious little Lily would be too tired from traveling. Wouldn't want to inconvenience you or anything."

Her words stung, and Lily remembered why she hated coming home on the holidays. Petunia's passive-aggressive comments got old quickly. What made everything worse was that they had company this time, and Lily couldn't be sure Petunia would be polite to James. Not that James would be bothered by it. If push came to shove, he could certainly handle his own.

"Why don't you go with her?" Lily suggested.

"Why? Do you want some alone time with your boyfriend? Or rather, your second boyfriend?"

Lily's cheeks reddened. "You're insufferable, Petunia."

She motioned for James, who had been standing by her on the steps, to follow her upstairs. Lily couldn't believe the nerve of her sister. Wracking her brain for something particularly wicked to do to get back at her, Lily came up empty handed. If only she were allowed to use magic outside of school. Perhaps then Petunia would learn to think twice before she spoke.

"She's a charmer, your sister," James said as they walked down the corridor.

"Sorry you had to see that. She's just…"

"A complete cow?" he offered.

"James, she's still my sister."

"But I notice that you're not denying it."

Arriving at the door to the guest room, Lily rolled her eyes at his comment. As far as descriptions for Petunia went, she supposed that it was an accurate one. Lily dreaded what else her older sister had in store for her.

"So this is the guest room," she said. "My room is just to the right, and the bath is across the way."

"Thanks for letting me stay, Lily."

He spoke so softly that it almost sounded intimate. She hadn't agreed to host him for personal reasons; he had to know as much. They were just here to work on a project and nothing more.

"Just trying to get us through Muggle Studies," she said.

Lily opened the door and gestured for him to go in first. Watching as he surveyed the room and set his suitcase on the bed, the thought occurred to Lily that for someone like James her guest room must seem like a broom cupboard. After all, he was practically wizarding aristocracy, so he must live in a large house. Suddenly she felt extremely self conscious.

"Sorry, it isn't much."

He turned to her. "Not at all. It's charming."

"Your wardrobe is probably bigger than this."

"Well," he began, chuckling to himself and sitting on the bed, "it might be, but I've never been a fan of sprawling manor houses. It was lonely growing up in one, but it made for some great exploring, I guess."

"The beginning of your trip down the road to delinquency?" she asked, amused.

James smiled. "Something like that, yeah. You'll have to come over sometime."

Lily shifted uncomfortably. She didn't know about that. As she was struggling to see James as just a friend, she didn't think that spending some quality alone time with him would be good for her. And that was completely disregarding the fact that she would have no idea how to interact with his family, having been born into the Muggle middle class.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, Lily. You're a friend, and I invite friends to my home."

There was that word again-friend. As much as he liked to say it, they'd nearly kissed again since they'd come to their little agreement, which made for something a little more than mere friendship.

"Maybe over the summer then," she conceded.

"You could come the same week as Remus, Sirius, and Pete stay. We'll get you in all sorts of trouble."

Lily didn't even know what those four got up to over summer holiday, nor did she want to. There was probably a fair amount of rule breaking and perhaps even committing a few criminal acts-underage wizardry being the least offensive. And she definitely would never be able to fit in with them.

She hesitantly sat next to him on the bed. "As much as that sounds like a right good time,
I'll pass."

"Want me all to yourself then?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

That was the problem, wasn't it? Despite the fact that he could still use a little maturing, she fancied him. And all his flirting? Well it wasn't making it very easy for her to bury her emotions and forget about them. She was tired of his weird mixed signals-saying one thing and acting completely different.

"Friends don't flirt with each other, James."

He sobered immediately. "Sorry, I didn't mean…I'll stop."

"What I meant was, don't flirt with me if you don't like me," she clarified, feeling a sudden boost of courage.

When she glanced to see his reaction, she would have thought she'd grown another head. Well she had made her intentions quite clear with that, hadn't she? And honestly, what did she have to lose? They weren't friends; they could probably never be friends. So she'd passed the ball to him with that statement and now it was up to him to do something with it. All she wanted was just one kiss, a kiss that would put her right again.

"Lily…"

She stood and tried to put on her best smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"Uh, yeah, a glass of water would be nice," he replied, a touch of confusion lacing his words.

Lily took the opportunity to escape and closed the door behind her. She would let him stew for a few minutes on what had transpired between them. Maybe he would take the hint and approach her. Maybe they could even have another one of those magnetic moments again, and this time they could seize it.

~*~

After dinner, Lily offered to do the dishes for her mother with James. Mrs. Evans was mortified that her daughter would suggest that company clean-up, but Lily tried to explain that the entire point of his visiting was to learn what life was like without magic. Doing the dishes would be a perfect opportunity to show how things weren't quite so simple for non-magic folk. Her mother continued to protest until Lily escorted her out of the room and sat her on the sofa in front of the telly.

"Sorry about that," Lily said, entering the kitchen.

James stood by the table, looking like quite the fish out of water. Lily tried to bite back a laugh. Had the boy ever cleaned dishes before? She really had to wonder. Perhaps she should ask.

"Do you do dishes at home, James?"

"Never. We have a few house-elves that take care of those sorts of things."

She stared at him. "You have servants?"

"Hey, don't say it like that. They're not servants. We treat them properly, and they're practically like family anyway."

"How long have you had them?" she asked, filling up the sink and cleaning off the table.

"Some of them have been around since before I was born. The youngest, Melphy, came to the house when I was five. We're very close, she and I. Sort of grew up together. In fact, she'd probably be laughing her head off if she saw me doing dishes."

"I didn't think house-elves laughed at their masters. Wouldn't they think it disrespectful or something?"

"We have an unconventional relationship," he said, smiling. "Do you remember when I said that my house was great for exploration? Well I didn't do it alone. Mel was my partner-in-crime before Sirius came along."

"And your parents were okay with that?"

He shrugged. "Mel is the clumsiest house-elf I've ever met. She's a walking disaster, so they didn't mind that she stayed out of the kitchen. They appointed her my companion, and the rest is history."

"It sounds to me like you corrupted the impressionable young thing."

"Wouldn't be the first," he said, his smile filled with suggestion.

Lily threw a dish towel at his face, a smile creeping on her lips. She pitied the poor creature that grew up with him and hoped that he was at least kind to her. Lily knew how he was prone to pranking even his own friends. Of course, house-elves had their own very powerful magic. Lily hoped he had been on the receiving end of some of it.

"You're going to dry, alright?"

James took the towel into his hands. "So what does that entail?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're really rubbish at this, aren't you? I'm going to wash a dish and rinse it. You'll dry it off and set it on the counter, so I can put things away when I'm finished."

"This would be a lot easier with magic," he muttered, as she handed him the first plate.

"Which is the point of this visit-for you to figure out what Muggle-borns have to go through for the first eleven years of their lives and then during every holiday until they come of age."

"The Trace is a load of bollocks."

"And you're above it, no doubt."

"Mum and Dad don't care if I use magic at home, so why shouldn't I?"

"That's an unfair advantage to being a pure-blood, you know. Or even a half-blood really."

"Well you can use magic in a reasonable situation," he countered.

"Yes, James, but don't you understand how easy it would make my family's life if I could do magic at home? Why shouldn't I have the same right to magic as you?"

"You do."

"No, your parents allow you to use your magic even though it's illegal. My parents aren't given that choice. You can hardly call that equal."

His silence allowed Lily to claim her victory over him. They continued their work without speaking, though it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Every so often Lily would peer out of the corner of her eye to watch James fumble with the towel or inspect a drinking glass. It reminded her of her first time at Hogwarts when things were new and unfamiliar. That initial awkwardness took years to go away, and even now that she was half way through her sixth year, she still struggled with certain aspects of wizarding life and culture.

"What would you like to do next, James?" she asked when she was down to cleaning the silverware.

"Honestly? I'd like to see your room."

"Exactly what are you implying, James?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. I've always wondered what it looked like."

Lily shook her head, barely able to contain her smirk. Perhaps wizards didn't use that sort of pick-up line. "Alright, I can show you some of my Muggle things then."

~*~

Her nerves started to act up as she neared her bedroom door. She couldn't remember what sort of condition she had left it in before the start of term, other than it was not in the condition for company. Lily was notorious for never having a tidy room, and she'd always left it in bad shape when she packed up at the end of each holiday. Had she left any knickers on the floor? She was terrible about picking up her dirty laundry, especially, so it was a definite possibility. How embarrassing would that be?

As Lily pushed the door open, she did a quick scan of the floor before unblocking the door for James to come in. There, right next to her wardrobe door, was one of her bras-a shocking Fuchsia-lying in plain sight. She rushed over and scooped it up in one quick motion, hiding it behind her back.

"Nice bra, Evans. Didn't peg you for a hot pink kind of girl," he said, smirking.

Her cheeks were suddenly aflame. So he had seen it. Now she only had two options-melt into a little puddle of embarrassment or play it off like it was no big deal. As much as she would have loved to do the former, she opted for the latter. Casually, she tossed the garment into her laundry basket and plopped down on her bed.

"You saw nothing," she warned; tales of this could not get back to Hogwarts.

"Right, nothing."

He smiled just then, that signature smile that made her knees weak. It was strange-James Potter in her bedroom. What other sorts of black mail worthy stuff he would happen upon she couldn't be sure. Hopefully he would find it in his heart to have mercy on her should he come across anything.

In silence, she watched as James inspected her room without reserve. While in any other situation having someone go through her things without hesitance would be a bit creepy, James was supposed to be learning about Muggle things. She couldn't blame him for being curious. She looked at him as he peered into her open wardrobe, running his hands along her hung jumpers and shirts in inspection. One in particular caught his eye and he pulled it out, holding it up to himself and trying to stifle his laughter.

It was the horrific jumper her aunt had bought her two Christmases ago-sugar pink with cream stripes, and coated with lace and buttons. She'd begged her mother to let her give it away, but her mother insisted that she keep it and wear it when her aunt came over for the holidays. Lily had been praying for a growth spurt ever since so she could be rid of the damn thing.

"It was a gift," she explained.

He didn't bother to reply as he returned the jumper to its place. Lily was glad when he moved across the room to her desk. She would have been nothing short of mortified if James had found her leotards and tutus from her years dancing ballet.

Before Lily could think about what incriminating things he would find on her desk, James held up a framed photo. Initially she thought it was the one of her and David until she remembered that that one was at Hogwarts. No, this picture frame contained something that she wished James wouldn't have ever seen.

"You and Snivellus? I knew you were friends, and I figured that he had a thing for you, Lily, but…"

Glancing very briefly at the photo, she closed her eyes. The only reason she'd held onto the photo was sentimentality. Her heart twinged with guilt when she thought about how she couldn't save him, rescue him from the clutches of those awful friends of his. It was her only concrete evidence that he once was a good person.

"Don't call him that," she scolded.

"Sorry. Let me rephrase that-you and Snape?"

Lily nodded. "That was taken the summer before fourth year. We only dated for six months or so."

"Fuck," he groaned, sitting next to her on her bed. "No wonder you hated me for pranking him like I did."

"I would have hated you for pranking anyone like that. It wasn't because it was Sev."

"How far did you two…I mean, did you…"

That was the kind of conversation she'd have with a boyfriend or best friend, and James was neither. She had no responsibility to tell him; in fact, she hadn't even had that sort of talk with David yet. Not that David had been at the forefront of her thoughts lately. No, that spot had been preoccupied by the boy sitting next to her. Was it cheating, what she was doing? The more she considered it, the more she didn't want to discover the answer.

"Do you want to listen to some music?" she asked, hoping he would notice the sudden shift in topic and drop the conversation about Sev.

"Sure."

Walking across the room, she turned on the wireless, her favorite station already tuned in from the last time she was home. Lily had no idea what kind of music James liked. Then again, she wasn't even sure if he listened to Muggle music at all.

"Are you familiar with Muggle bands?"

"Some. I do live with Remus and his bloody record player after all."

"Not a fan of jazz and swing then?"

"Not in the small hours of the morning, no. Says it helps him concentrate. Meanwhile Pete and I can't get back to sleep. Even Sirius sometimes complains about it."

"And you haven't tried Silencing charms?"

James looked at her as if she was mad. "Of course, but those only last so far into the night."

Lily smirked. "And he doesn't do anything despite the fact that you ask him to stop?"

"No, he claims that after all the things he's had to put up with over the years, it's justified."

"It probably is," she said, as an ad on the wireless ended and the music was back. "Oh! I love this song!"

Turning up the volume to levels that would no doubt have Petunia beating down her door, Lily resisted the urge to dance around her room or sing along as she usually did in private or with extremely close friends. She wasn't about to make an utter fool of herself in front of James, not when she depended on a kiss from him to bring her back to normalcy. Instead she settled for tapping her foot and bobbing her head a bit, which had James smiling at her.

~*~

"I knew it!"

Lily groaned, shifting on her bed. Was that Petunia? It certainly sounded like her. She opened her eyes and immediately regretted it, the sunlight nearly blinding. When had it become morning? She couldn't remember going to bed.

"Petunia?"

"The moment I laid eyes on him I knew there was something going on between you two!" she declared, triumphantly.

Lily heard a moan next to her. She looked over to find James in her bed and realized that she was lying in his arms. Lily sat up in an instant and scrambled to get out of bed.

"What the bloody hell…?" James muttered, stirring.

"Oh God," she whispered, covering her mouth.

Petunia clicked her tongue in mock disappointment. "Shame on you, Lily, cheating on that sweet boyfriend of yours. Never pictured you for a slag."

"I am not a slag!"

"Then why were you in bed with another boy? Wait, actually, what business did you have being in bed with a boy at all? Mum is going to have cow when she finds out."

"I wasn't…we weren't…" she stammered, wracking her brain for what had transpired."Don't you dare say a word to Mum."

"And what are you going to do to me if I do?"

"Honestly, keep your mouth shut, will you?" James asked, sitting up in bed. "It would be in your best interest."

"How dare-"

"Your sister comes of age at the end of next month, and that means she can use her magic freely. She could transfigure you into a horse if she wanted to. Not that you have far to go."

"James!"

Petunia set her jaw and glared at him for a few long seconds. Lily wasn't sure what her sister was going to do or say to him. While she may have been able to convince her sister to keep this a secret before, it was out of the question after what James had just said. However Petunia, in a fury, promptly stormed out the door, leaving her with some spare time to think up some sort of damage control.

Lily turned her attention to James after her door slammed shut. He shouldn't have said those things. Petunia was her sister. But it would be a lie if Lily had said she hadn't wanted to threaten those very things when Petunia was getting insufferable.

"You shouldn't have-"

"She's a complete cow, Lily."

"But-"

"Look, you don't want her to go tell your mother lies, do you?"

Shaking her head, Lily pulled out her desk chair and sat down. Were they lies? In the sudden excitement of the morning, she hadn't had the opportunity to really think about what had happened the night before. She remembered listening to music and grabbing a late night snack. There had been tons of laughing and another awkward conversation about Sev, but what had happened after that was a bit of a blur.

"When did we go to bed last night?"

"You don't remember?" he asked, his tone serious enough to strike up a panic in her.

She wracked her brain, but all she could recall was talking. "What do you mean? Should I remember something?"

"Merlin, Lily." James ran a hand through his hair. "You seemed to really be enjoying yourself last night. I guess I just thought I'd be…you know, memorable."

All the blood drained from her face. "James…did we…?"

A wide smile spread on his face and he laughed. "I really had you going there for a minute, didn't I?"

"You stupid, arrogant toe-rag!" she shouted, feeling both a mixture of embarrassment and relief. "I can't believe you!"

"You should have seen the look on your face though, Lily."

It probably would have been hilarious if it'd happened to anyone else. Naturally that's how most practical jokes went, though. She shook her head, half amused, half exasperated, then sighed and chanced a look at James who was still buried under her duvet. She'd jumped out of bed so fast that she hadn't even taken a moment to consider what it felt like waking up in James' arms, even if it had been accidental.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault," he said, sobering up a bit.

"Your fault?"

"I thought you fell asleep, and I swear I was going to go back to my room. I just wanted to rest for a minute, and I guess I passed out."

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm the one who asked you to stay after we ate the snack. You wanted to go to bed then, so that makes this my fault."

"Apologies accepted all around then?"

"Yeah."

"I should get dressed," James said, standing. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Muggle shopping, if Mum doesn't end up murdering me because of Petunia."

"Right, meet you in the hall in fifteen then?"

Nodding, she watched him walk out her door. Lily wasn't convinced that she had the energy for a shopping trip, but they did have an essay to write and he would only get so much out of doing dishes. One thought-one completely unrelated to Muggle Studies obligations-kept playing over in her head. She'd slept with James; she'd slept with James and couldn't remember it very well. He might be able to ignore that and act completely normal, but she couldn't. Where was that kiss when she needed it?

~*~

The shopping trip to town had been an adventure to say the least. Lily had encouraged James not to purposely make a spectacle of himself, as they were going to be out in front Muggles so he'd likely stick out anyway; there was no sense in drawing more attention to themselves. Much to her delight, James had behaved, at least for a little while anyway.

They'd made it through a small clothing shop unscathed for the most part, though James had warranted a few strange glances when he'd seen some "brilliant Muggle shirts" on a display. As soon as he'd paid for his purchase, Lily had pulled him into an alley and explained that he shouldn't keep using the word "Muggle" lest people would think he was mad. James had assured her that he'd be careful, but that also had been short lived upon entering the large bookstore in town.

Honestly, she'd thought that he would be alright for the few moments she'd be in the loo. He promised that he'd stay in the section with all the sports books, but when she'd returned, he was nowhere in sight. After a full five minutes of searching, Lily had found him in the sexuality section, paging through the Kama Sutra.

"Look, Lil, even Muggles have one of these! Not nearly as many positions as in the Wizard's Kama Sutra though. Shame," he'd said, unabashed.

She'd tried to snatch it from him, but James had held it up in the air out of her reach. He'd then explained that he was going to buy the book to share with his fellow Marauders. Lily's cheeks had been hot as she escorted him to the till-James was rubbish with Muggle money-but after the shop girl saw the title of the book and James pulled Lily against him, wiggling his eyebrows in that infuriatingly suggestive way, Lily's cheeks were positively aflame. She'd scrambled to get out of the shop and vowed to never show her face in there again. James, on the other hand, had looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

Afterwards they'd gone to lunch where James had flirted shamelessly with the waitress. He'd kept giving her corny pick-up lines-"do you believe in magic, love" and something about his "wand" that Lily had decided to permanently push from her memory. Lily had promised to take him to the arcade after they'd eaten, but considering how he'd been misbehaving all morning, she'd told him that it was out of the question. They would instead go home.

James had sulked half the way home, but his mood had lightened up eventually. Lily had asked him what his favorite parts about their trip to town were, and he began to answer her animatedly. Lily had found herself smiling as he talked-any anger that she felt towards him dissipating.

She chatted away as they strolled up her drive, responding to a question of his and completely missing the bicycle leaning against the porch. If she had seen it, she would have known better than to go inside with James, laughing at the things he said and smiling brightly at him.

As she stepped inside the house, she heard, "Lily!" and her heart dropped to the ground. David. She panicked, looking for a place that she might hide James, who at that moment looked just about as interested in seeing David as David would no doubt be to see him. Before she was even able to find a place, David met her at the door.

"Lily? Who is this?"

"This is James Potter," she introduced awkwardly. "From school."

"Your sister didn't mention you had company."

Rage burst within her. So that was it, was it? Petunia was getting back at her for what had happened that morning. She didn't care if she was ruining her sister's relationship so long as she got what she wanted.

David's eyes reflected a deep worry. Lily knew what he was thinking as he eyed up James. James was an attractive classmate who she hadn't told him was staying over for a few days. It would be only natural for him to put those pieces together. Unfortunately, he would come up with something along the lines of two plus two equaling five.

"I was going to tell you about it, honest. It just slipped my mind."

"Like calling to tell me you were home slipped your mind? I had to find out from your sister at work, Lily," he said bitterly, his blue eyes blazing

"I can explain if you let me."

"I think I already know what's going on, thanks."

"Maybe you should listen to the girl," James interjected, anger lacing his words. "Give her a chance before you throw away the best thing that will probably ever happen to you."

Lily was torn between wanting to yell at James for getting involved and analyzing what he'd just said. Did he really think that she was special enough to be the best thing to ever happen to someone? Her heart betrayed her with the thought of just how badly she wanted to hear him say that in reference to himself.

"He's not my boyfriend, David."

When Lily saw Petunia approach, she knew things were about to take a bad turn for her. There was a wicked look in her eyes. When Lily assumed that her payback for what was said that morning had been telling David she was in town, she was sorely mistaken.

"If he's not your boyfriend, why were you two having sex this morning?"

"We weren't having sex! You're such a liar, Petunia!"

"Then swear to God that you weren't in bed with him."

Her sister knew she couldn't do that. Lily had been in bed together with him, so she couldn't swear to God. No matter what she said at this point, she was damned. Tears started welling in her eyes, but more so out of anger than sadness.

"I was in bed with him," she told David. "But we weren't doing anything."

She knew as soon as he got confirmation that she'd been in bed with James, all hopes of continuing her relationship with David were over. Lily wanted to feel upset over that, but in reality, he would probably be better off without her. That thought alone made her upset. Would she ever be good for anyone? Or would she always be trouble because she was a Muggle-born?

"Does it matter?" he asked, incredulously. "You cheated."

The words "I didn't" formed on her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say them. She had cheated, hadn't she? After spending the past four months appraising James' good looks, reveling in the way he made her feel, and nearly kissing him twice, she couldn't very well say that she hadn't.

David pushed past her and James, storming out the door. Her relationship with David was officially over, all thanks to her vindictive sister. All of their mutual friends would learn of her betrayal and judge in his favor. Now she would be an outcast in the Muggle world too.

"What the hell did you just do? Do you understand how difficult life is for your sister already? You would have made a great Slytherin, Petunia," James hissed.

"Don't ever group me with you abnormal people!"

While she knew they were exchanging choice words, Lily couldn't bring herself to interject. Petunia didn't know how hard she had it at school, didn't understand that she was staring hatred in the face every day. She hadn't told her family for fear that they would worry. But, she realized, she was looking at that same hate filled monster in the face now in the form of Petunia. Her own sister was disgusted by her.

And in the middle of all of this was James, the very person that she spent the past six years loathing and misunderstanding, standing up to anyone who dared to say anything against her. She didn't deserve him, not after all that she'd done.

Overwhelmed, Lily tossed down her shopping bags and tore up the stairs to her room. Not a moment later, a soft knock sounded through the door. She fought to steady her voice enough to invite him in. Finding that it was an attempt in vain, Lily opened the door for him and found herself enveloped in his arms.

She savored the warmth of his body, the way he let her cry into his chest while he smoothed her hair. Lily tried to nestle in closer, but she wasn't sure it was possible. Time seemed to escape her, but she didn't care as long as he was holding her.

"I'm sorry about all that, Lily," he said softly. "He should have given you the benefit of the doubt."

"No," she began, wiping her eyes, "he was right."

"You're barking. You never cheated on him, or at least not with me."

"That's not exactly true."

"You can hardly call the two times we-I don't know, got caught up in the moment?-cheating."

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "It's more than that, James. The things that I've been thinking…"

"Thinking about what?" he asked.

"About you."

James released her and paced about the room. "You…Lily…"

"I want to kiss you."

Stopping dead in his tracks, he turned to her. "You do?"

"I think there's something wrong with me, like I'm under some sort of spell or something. A kiss might break it."

"I haven't slipped you a love potion, if that's what you mean."

"No, I meant figuratively," she said, frustrated with the fact that he was taking her so literally.

Once more she sat on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest. The smell of James' cologne clung to the fabric, and she breathed it in. Should she have confessed that secret to him? The James she knew long ago would have jumped at the chance to snog her, so why wasn't this James?

"I like…being friends, Lily."

"Well I'm not sure if I do."

"You've had the past three years to accept any one of my offers," he said, exasperated. "It's not really fair of you to all of a sudden want something different."

She looked at him, hurt. "Sorry."

"No," he sighed. "I shouldn't have said that. Look, why don't I give you a little while to rest? I need to write back to Dad anyway, and I could use a kip myself."

James didn't wait for her answer before leaving. Shutting her eyes tightly, she prayed that she hadn't ruined things-whatever they were-with him just as she had with David.

~*~

Summoning up as much courage as she could muster, Lily knocked on the guest room door and waited for James to answer. Despite the fact that she was emotionally drained, which left her exhausted, she hadn't managed to fall asleep. Instead her eyes watched the minute hand tick by and then the hour hand. It'd been three hours since their little conversation; how long could one boy sleep?

In the room there was some shuffling around, and Lily was mentally begging him to open the door already. When he did, however, she was quite startled. James looked thoroughly shaken, his eyes darting about the room, and he seemed to be finding it difficult to stand still. Peering past him, she saw that his suitcase was nearly packed. A sense of dread washed over her. What had she done wrong?

"James?"

He put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry," he said, apparently knowing what she was thinking.

"How am I not supposed to worry when you're packing? If I said something-"

"I've just received an owl," he explained, tossing the rest of his things in the suitcase, "I can't stay, Lily. It's urgent."

"You're not lying, are you?"

For a moment he stared at her, as if questioning himself whether he wanted to elaborate or not. With a sigh, he said, "You can't tell anyone, but Sirius has run away from home. He has nowhere else to go but my place. I can't turn my back on him."

Lily was startled. Black ran away from home? Everyone knew that tensions were high between him and his family, but she never imagined that it would get this far. The most natural thing would be for him to go to James' home.

"Of course, James. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure what's happened, but it can't be good," he said, taking his suitcase in hand. "Your fireplace wouldn't happen to be connected to the Floo Network, would it?"

"Yeah, we set it up last year when my grandmother was ill and I was traveling back and forth. I've some Floo powder in my room. Let me get it."

"Thank you."

Before she knew it, James left, and she was completely alone again. She understood his need to leave, of course. But she also wondered if part of him wasn't relieved to get out of her house after she'd made that confession. Obviously James just wasn't into her like she thought he was. That didn't leave her in any better of a position though. Lily would just have to talk to him, make him understand where she was coming from. Yes, when they were back at school, she could set things right.

Continue to Part 5