"War Torn" for liebedance
Title: War Torn
Author: museme87
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for language and violence
Wordcount: 480
Warnings: Mention of violence
Summary: Remus can't quite deal with facing Greyback, and Sirius, for all that he tries, can't quite deal with Remus.
Author's Note: Written far too late in the evening for the beautiful liebedance. She requested angst, Remus/Sirius, and Sirius trying to help Remus. This is the result. Unbetaed, but proofread.
"You know what happened to that boy wasn't your fault," Sirius says, voice brooking no argument.
And Remus scoffs from where he sits on the edge of their bed, shaking his head at the absurdity of such a statement. Not his fault? Of course it's his fault. It was a message to him, plain and simple-don't forget, Lupin. As if he could. As if he doesn't have to live with the mark-flesh, raw and tainted-day in and day out. If only Sirius could understand just how personal this is.
"You and I both are well aware that it was."
Remus laces his fingers together, pulls and twists the digits to focus his attention on anything but the memory of that boy dying in his arms. Begging. Begging and crying and he'd only been six. Six fucking years old-the same age that he'd been turned. How can Sirius say this hadn't been his fault, knowing that?
He feels Sirius sink down on the other side of the bed, and they sit, backs towards one another. It feels like an argument-and how frequently they've become these past few weeks. They're always careful to put space between one another. Experience has taught them that close proximity will only end in fists or a proper fucking, neither of which will solve their growing number of issues.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself."
The weakness in Sirius' voice, the exhaustion, unnerves Remus in ways that's difficult to wrap his mind around. And he wants to say, don't you dare use that tone with me, don't you dare show your weakness when I need you to be strong. Because, if anything, Remus knows that it's so much easier to be angry with Sirius when Sirius is being a pompous arse. The weaker side of his lover-the uncertainty in gray and second guessing of self-frightens the hell out of Remus, most often because it doesn't feel like something Sirius is capable of.
"I can. And I will."
"Right, so every little boy who gets bitten by Greyback is suddenly on your conscience? Not on, Moony."
"You wouldn't understand."
"No," Sirius begins, bitterly, "because I've never lost anyone to a Death Eater, have I? I've no idea what it's like to blame yourself day in and day out and live with all the what-ifs."
As Sirius' weight leaves the bed, Remus closes his eyes and feels his heart sink. Regulus. How could he have been so stupid to overlook that even in his self-loathing? The door slams in that familiar way before Remus can form the words of his apology. And in the empty room, he finally manages a whispered I'm sorry, as if his plea for forgiveness might be carried on the wind, down to Sirius who is no doubt making his way from here to gone.
Author: museme87
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for language and violence
Wordcount: 480
Warnings: Mention of violence
Summary: Remus can't quite deal with facing Greyback, and Sirius, for all that he tries, can't quite deal with Remus.
Author's Note: Written far too late in the evening for the beautiful liebedance. She requested angst, Remus/Sirius, and Sirius trying to help Remus. This is the result. Unbetaed, but proofread.
"You know what happened to that boy wasn't your fault," Sirius says, voice brooking no argument.
And Remus scoffs from where he sits on the edge of their bed, shaking his head at the absurdity of such a statement. Not his fault? Of course it's his fault. It was a message to him, plain and simple-don't forget, Lupin. As if he could. As if he doesn't have to live with the mark-flesh, raw and tainted-day in and day out. If only Sirius could understand just how personal this is.
"You and I both are well aware that it was."
Remus laces his fingers together, pulls and twists the digits to focus his attention on anything but the memory of that boy dying in his arms. Begging. Begging and crying and he'd only been six. Six fucking years old-the same age that he'd been turned. How can Sirius say this hadn't been his fault, knowing that?
He feels Sirius sink down on the other side of the bed, and they sit, backs towards one another. It feels like an argument-and how frequently they've become these past few weeks. They're always careful to put space between one another. Experience has taught them that close proximity will only end in fists or a proper fucking, neither of which will solve their growing number of issues.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself."
The weakness in Sirius' voice, the exhaustion, unnerves Remus in ways that's difficult to wrap his mind around. And he wants to say, don't you dare use that tone with me, don't you dare show your weakness when I need you to be strong. Because, if anything, Remus knows that it's so much easier to be angry with Sirius when Sirius is being a pompous arse. The weaker side of his lover-the uncertainty in gray and second guessing of self-frightens the hell out of Remus, most often because it doesn't feel like something Sirius is capable of.
"I can. And I will."
"Right, so every little boy who gets bitten by Greyback is suddenly on your conscience? Not on, Moony."
"You wouldn't understand."
"No," Sirius begins, bitterly, "because I've never lost anyone to a Death Eater, have I? I've no idea what it's like to blame yourself day in and day out and live with all the what-ifs."
As Sirius' weight leaves the bed, Remus closes his eyes and feels his heart sink. Regulus. How could he have been so stupid to overlook that even in his self-loathing? The door slams in that familiar way before Remus can form the words of his apology. And in the empty room, he finally manages a whispered I'm sorry, as if his plea for forgiveness might be carried on the wind, down to Sirius who is no doubt making his way from here to gone.