Fic: Three's A Crowd [ 7 ] (2/2)
Title: Three's A Crowd
Author: museme87
Pairing(s): Brian/Justin, Ben/Michael, Mel/Lindsay, Ted/Blake, Deb/Carl
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Over the course of his and Justin's seven year non-relationship, Brian had never been one to say no to a third party addition. But when the addition is far more permanent and redefines playroom for the worst, Brian thinks twice about rekindling their old flame. [Post 5.13]
Chapter: 7
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 9,346
Warnings: strong language, explicit sexual situations, discussion of past Justin/Other and Brian/Other
Author's Note: A big thank you to everyone who patiently waited for this chapter. I'm sorry that it took so long, but hopefully you'll find that the wait was worth it! This, like chapter four, is going to be posted in two parts due to the LJ character limit per entry. Much love to L for betaing this and to C for talking me through it; they're both indispensable to my writing process. Also, be sure to check out the Timeline and Character Guide if you need a quick refresher.
Sunshine tastes like mint toothpaste and Chapstick. Their mouths crush against each other, Brian's lips getting coated with the slippery, unflavored balm. Brian forgot about that-how Justin's lips always chap in the winter. In fact, he used to hate the season for that reason (among others, including assholes who don't know how to drive in the goddamn snow). But before this past week, he never realized how much he missed it.
How much he missed everything, really.
Justin's palm stings as it smacks hard against his thigh. Brian grunts, bites down a little too hard on Justin's lip on purpose. Sunshine's strangled little yelp makes him smile, but Justin's fingers digging into the now-red flesh makes the smile fade quickly enough. Brian's not sure if Justin wants to fight him or fuck him tonight, but it's settling somewhere in the middle of the two. Christ, he's not had Justin this desperate for him in years.
"Fuck me," Justin growls into his ear.
Condom on, Brian aligns himself with Justin and pushes in easily. He studies Sunshine's face, watching as anxiousness fades into something like relief. Blue eyes flutter shut as Justin's lips part to suck in a sharp breath. Brian's thumb strokes Justin's temple-the bad one, the one where a four inch scar lies buried beneath blond hair-and leans into kiss him slowly, deeply. Buried inside Justin, the urgency thrumming through every touch, lick, taste from before settles into a quiet calm.
When Justin opens his eyes, Brian feels as if he's being burned. They're so unbelievably fucked, and not in a positive life-affirming way. No, in a way that's realer and bitter and will leave them both ravished and desolate.
"I love you, Brian."
Brian shushes him, places a light kiss on his forehead before pulling back to drive into Justin again. Sunshine squirms under him, warm and sweaty. He locks his feet behind Brian's back and pushes back into Brian to meet him thrust for thrust.
They set a slow, steady pace. Brian's not sure how it all happened. He didn't come here for this. He came for a fuck-with Justin, of course, which does make it different from anything he would have had at Babylon-but this isn't a fuck. The term making love-a personal favorite of his favorite little blond twink-makes him want to puke, but that's probably the closest word that describes it.
As soon as that stupid phrase gets into his head, Brian has to speed things up so that what they're doing is a little more like fucking. He drives into Justin unsteadily, his orgasm building and throwing off his pacing. It doesn't help that Justin's decided to set his own pace, apparently, in a way that feels incredible and infuriating all at the same time. He smacks what he can of Justin's ass, all but telling him to behave and stop being such a bossy bottom.
"Brian." Justin moans, fingers winding tightly into Brian's hair. "Brian…fuck."
"Shh, don't cum yet."
"Don't tell me…what…to do." A gasp. "Oh god, Brian."
Brian feels Justin clamping down on him and tries to hold out to no avail. He cums hard as Justin slumps into an exhausted heap, their legs tangled. As he fights to catch his breath, Brian eases onto Justin and then rolls them both onto their sides.
"That was nice," Justin says, trailing his fingers up Brian's chest.
"Not bad."
"Better than anything you would've got at Babylon."
Brian hums. "Maybe."
"Asshole." Justin shoves him a little.
Brian laughs, stretching over the side of the bed to grab a towel from his open gym bag to clean them off. Last time they'd had to hunt around the room for a condom-Brian's collection being out in the Jeep and Justin, apparently, coming to the Pitts with the impression that he wasn't going to get fucked much. So Brian, in a mad dash to get upstairs to Justin, just grabbed the well stocked bag in case of a repeat performance.
He lets Justin clean up first while he ties off the condom and dumps it in the trash. Justin tosses the towel at his head-reeking of sweat and cum-and Brian wipes himself down before chucking it somewhere in the room.
When Justin sidles up next to him, Brian drapes his arm over Justin's hip, pulling him a bit closer. He's tired, and sleeping with his own personal heater might be worth his while. He forgot how Sunshine throws heat at night, which was always a plus when the weather was cold. Brian thinks he's been forgetting a lot of the little things that made him love (or loathe) Justin way back when.
"I don't suppose you'd let me smoke in here?" Brian grumbles, half-asleep but still itching for an after-sex nicotine fix.
"Keep dreaming."
He huffs his annoyance, but doesn't say another word about it. He's cut back anyway, at his son's insistence that smoking makes people very sick and he doesn't want his dad to be sick.
"Are you staying?" Justin asks, something akin to hope in his tone.
"For a little while."
"But you're falling asleep."
"Your point?"
Justin runs his thumb across Brian's lips, sticky with the rub-off of his Chapstick. "You don't do sleepovers."
"Maybe I'm feeling a little kinky tonight."
Justin smiles wide, ridiculously pleased, and Brian doesn't get how something so simple can make him smile like that. Yeah, he doesn't really do sleepovers. He's sure as hell never done one with Justin. But, the prospect of getting up right now seems far too daunting, as does the fact that, if he leaves now, he won't have a willing ass in his bed when he wakes up. So Brian settles in for the night, covering them both up with a blanket.
"Besides if I leave by sun up, it doesn't count as a sleep over," he mumbles into Justin's hair.
Justin grins against his shoulder before kissing it lightly. "Okay."
~*~*~*~
A few hours later, Brian wakes up to the sound of the kid screaming her head off. Not crying, screaming. He glances over to find Justin gone from bed and shuts his eyes. Let Sunshine deal with his drama princess; it's too early in the morning for this particular brand of bullshit.
As the wailing continues, Brian starts to think that maybe some crazed ax murderer broke into the house, that Justin's dead downstairs and the kid witnessed it all like that one show Mikey watches on Showtime. Unsettled-Joanie always had said that he'd had an overactive imagination-Brian throws on the sweats from his gym bag and creeps downstairs.
There's no ax murderer, Brian finds out, but what he does discover is fucking worse than a blood bath. Justin's waiting on the phone, face red and eyes wet, with the urchin shrieking in his arms. Brian has no idea what the fuck's going on and asks Justin as much with a lift of his brow.
Moving his phone away from his mouth, Justin says, "I'm on hold with her pediatrician. She's been like this for half an hour and she's running a high fever."
"Shit."
"I can't get her to calm down, Brian. And I know the pediatrician is going to send me to the hospital for the fever."
Hospital? Fuck. Brian knows from too much fucking experience that Justin doesn't do hospitals well at all. They freak him the hell out, and before it's all over, he usually ends up with a panic attack. And Brian's not much better. He spent enough time in and out of the hospital as a kid-no thanks to Jack-to have gotten used to it, but that summer after the bashing changed everything. Now he can't step foot in one without thinking of Justin in a coma with staples holding his head together.
"Can I do anything?"
Justin hesitates. "It's fine."
"Justin, for fuck's sake, don't give me the run around."
"Would you take her for a minute?"
Without question, Brian holds out his hands for Justin to pass the kid to him. He holds her against his bare chest, and that's when he realizes that she's burning up, her skin flushed and sweaty. Her high pitched screaming right near his ear grates on his nerves, so Brian can only imagine what Justin must have been feeling for the past half hour.
"Hey, quiet down, kid. We got the message loud and clear," he says softly, bouncing her a little in hopes that it will calm her down like it used to calm Gus.
Justin smoothes down her hair while they wait, seemingly desperate for contact with her. She rubs her face in the crook of Brian's neck, sound now muffled. Brian's not sure what's taking this goddamn pediatrician so fucking long to get back on the mother fucking phone, but if she doesn't soon, he's going to personally drive to New York and strangle her to death.
"Do you want me to grab her bag from her room?" Brian asks.
"You don't have to-"
"It's a simple yes or no, Sunshine. I don't need an Oscar-worthy speech."
Brian hates being short with Justin, but when Justin gets like this, he doesn't think straight and Brian's lucky if he can get through to him at all. Of course he doesn't have to do a damn thing, but he's here. And there's no way in hell that he's going to walk out the door and let Justin deal with this all on his own, in part because Brian's not entirely sure that Justin could drive from here to UPMC's Children's Hospital without wrecking.
"I'll get the bag," Brian says, making the decision for Justin. "You find out what we need to do."
"Brian, really, I appreciate it, but you don't have to do this."
"You're right. I don't. But I want to."
He leaves it at that, turning with the kid to go back upstairs for her things and a t-shirt that he hopes to God he has in his gym bag.
~*~*~*~
Brian watches Justin carefully from the small chair next to the hospital bed where Justin's sitting with the urchin. The longer they hang around here, waiting for that goddamn doctor to come back with a fucking diagnosis, the quieter Justin gets. His breathing's all off, deep and irregular, and the only sign of life from him is when the kid starts to fuss.
If he hadn't come, Brian has no idea how much worse-or better, maybe-Justin would have been. When the nurses tried to fight him about coming back here with Justin and the kid, Justin about lost it on everyone. Brian's never been more thankful for his man-whoring ways since without them he wouldn't have had a few friends in high places-one of them a VIP lounge regular. Greg was able to intervene for him, get him back here-where he should have fucking been in the first place-but it's not done too much good.
"Hey," Brian says quietly, breaking what must have been a twenty minute silence. "Take a couple of deep breaths, okay?"
Justin fixes him with a glare. "Are you going to tell me to push, too?"
Jamming his tongue into his cheek, he mutters, "You know, you wouldn't make a very inspiring pregnant woman."
He drops it, not wanting to get into an argument when they have a sick kid on their hands. No, not they. Him. Justin. Ah, fuck it. Brian's not sure what the hell to think anymore, though he guesses the fact that he's here and has stuck around for four fucking hours probably means something.
"I'm sorry, Brian. You obviously love us a lot if you're willing to be seen in public in a pair of sweats, and here I am being a total shit."
Smirking, Brian huffs a laugh. He'd forgotten about the sweats in the rush over here only to find himself face-to-face with someone like Greg; not exactly how he wants to be seen-slumming around in a pair of sweat pants outside of the gym.
And as for that little remark about loving them, Brian does. Well, he loves Justin. There's no fucking question about that. And the urchin? He glances to her puffy face and sleepy eyes-thank god for drugs-and feels bad for her. He may be cold, but he's not heartless. No kid should have to go through what she's been dealing with for the past few hours. Brian wonders if she caught something during their walk a couple nights ago, remembers that the only reason they were on that walk in the first place is because he and Justin needed their dicks taken care of. If she got sick because of him, Brian won't be able to shake the guilt.
"Do you want to talk? It always helped before."
Justin shrugs. "I don't think it was so much the talking as it was you being around."
"Well I'm here now, and it looks like we've got nothing but time."
"You're hot when you're being protective, you know that? Like when the nurse was trying to take her temperature? I thought you were going to punch the guy for making her scream."
"Fucker deserved it. He's apparently never heard of bedside manner in his life."
He bites his lip. "I miss it, Brian."
If he could, Brian would say that he misses it too. He used to be able to say it all the time when they were not-together. Now he can manage a pathetic I-love-you, but not the other. Why is it that it can only ever be one? Because if he says it now-I miss you, Justin-things would be implied. Things like Breaking up was a mistake, which it might have been, and I wanted you back, which he does in a lot of ways. So instead of having this discussion in the middle of an ER with a sick baby, Brian decides to change the subject altogether.
"Have you called her mother?"
"Not yet," Justin says, and Brian notices the disappointment in his tone, probably because of what Brian didn't say.
"Don't you think you should?"
"I will in awhile. It's still early, and I don't want to wake her up."
"Sunshine-"
"We don't have the same relationship that you and Lindsay have with Gus. Delaney has her own hang-ups. She was kind enough to do this for me, and I'm not going to force anything on her that we didn't agree on."
"She wouldn't want to know if her fucking kid was in the hospital?"
He can't imagine a time when he wouldn't have dropped anything to be with Gus if he were sick. Hell, he can't imagine not being there for Jenny either. Whoever Justin picked as his incubator must be a real piece of work if she makes him look like a stunning example of parenthood.
"Brian, she loves Eli, but in her own way."
The tone in Justin's voice tells him to just drop it. Brian doesn't want to. If she's the only goddamn support he has in New York, then Brian doesn't know what the hell he's going to do. Justin's an adult now, he reminds himself. Just, not an adult without some major baggage. Justin ought to have someone there for him if he needs some help.
And that someone brings him back to the whole conversation he had with Molly yesterday, about Justin's ex and once presumed father of his child. Brian sees his opening here, wonders if it'd be too risky. Justin already knows that he cares, though; he wouldn't be here otherwise. The way Brian sees it, he has no ground to lose on this one.
"What about your ex?"
"What about him?" Justin asks, confused.
"Don't you think he'd want to know his kid is sick? Or does he have hang-ups too?"
Of course Brian knows that the guy had nothing to do with Justin's decision to have the kid. However, Justin doesn't know that, and if Brian can weasel information out of him by playing dumb, he's not morally against it.
"It's just us," Justin says. "Me and her."
"So he doesn't give a shit. You really know how to pick the parents of your kid, Sunshine."
"Brian, look." Justin hesitates, conflicted expression on his face. "When I decided to have Elise, I decided to have her on my own. I wasn't…with anybody, alright? And don't you fucking judge me for it or think I'm some irresponsible asshole. I had a plan, and I had the financial stability to give us a good life."
"So what happened then?"
Justin grows suddenly exasperated. "I met her! I fell in love with her from the moment I laid eyes on her. And I knew I couldn't dump her with a nanny for a few hours a day like I'd planned while I went to the studio. When James left, I lost that support as well. We'd moved into a nice place, which was manageable with two incomes. It got harder to pay for on my own." He shrugs. "We're doing fine. I'm giving her the life she deserves. It just requires a little juggling."
He doesn't know what to think. Brian wanted his answer, but he hadn't really expected that. No one wants to be a single parent. Fuck, he couldn't imagine raising Gus on his own and he's about as low maintenance as a kid comes. And the thing that boggles his mind is that Justin could easily find someone to be with, to make a life with, to give him all the things he's ever wanted. All the things Brian had refused to give him at one time or another.
Whoever the fuck this James guy was, he was obviously brain dead to give up on Justin. What the fuck was his problem? Well, maybe it was the same as his current problem.
"Why'd he leave? Couldn't take the kid?"
"No, he couldn't take me."
"You?" Brian asks, brow raised.
"Yeah, me. I was alright for a few months, and he was cool about the whole expectant father thing. Then, after she was born, he didn't like the person that I was. Except I was the same, and I guess he just couldn't see this part of me that he didn't like." Justin gets quiet all of a sudden. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"But you're doing okay? Justin, don't fucking lie to me about this."
"I'm fine. I don't need you to save me."
Hearing that shouldn't hurt as much as it does. He always knew Justin would learn how to stand on his own two feet someday, but Brian hadn't expected it to gut him. It rings in his ears like, I don't need you, no matter how much he tries to tell himself that's not the case. Justin didn't say that.
Part of Brian wonders if maybe Justin does need him. Otherwise, why bother with the I-miss-you? Maybe Sunshine just thinks that he can't ask. Emmett thought as much, said that Justin believes he can change or be loved. And if that's why he's not coming to Brian…
"You know I'd do anything for you?" Brian says lightly, struggling to get the words out.
Justin opens his mouth to speak, but the doctor knocks on the door quietly and steps in. He's taken for-fucking-ever, so Brian doesn't know why he couldn't wait another five minutes for them to finish this conversation. Justin needs to know that he's not quite the same man he was three years ago. Finding the time to say something like that, though, is hard to come by, especially considering that they've never indulged in overly-personal, sentimental conversations.
~*~*~*~
While Sunshine loads the kid into the back of the Jeep a couple hours later, Brian looks over all the prescriptions and doctor's instructions in his hands. What do they do these days? Just load a kid up on drugs and hope one of them works? What kid needs five prescriptions for a cold, an ear infection, and a bad case of teething? Apparently, the combination was a fucking impressive one, resulting in a higher than normal fever. Even more impressive was the sheer time it took for the doctor to find some drugs that wouldn't set the urchin's allergies off. Goddamn Taylors and their goddamn allergies.
With the kid secured and sleeping in her seat, they both get into the Jeep, Brian passing the mountain load of paperwork to Justin. He turns to start the engine, but Justin grabs him by his scarf and pulls him across the center console.
Their lips meet, Justin's fingers carding through his hair. Tension that he hadn't evenrealized he'd been holding in breaks with a flick of Justin's tongue. Brian opens his mouth for Justin, and they kiss lazily-still deprived of sleep-and break only when they hear a little snore come from the back.
"Thank you."
Brian puts on his sunglasses. "For what?"
Justin doesn't clarify-he doesn't really need to-and Brian shifts the Jeep into reverse and heads out of the parking lot. He makes a quick left turn onto the street.
"Where are we going?"
"Home."
"Um, but Mom's house is the other way," Justin says.
"I know that. I said we're going home."
Endnote: As I mentioned in another entry, I'm holding a little Meet & Greet since so many of you are regular readers and I feel terrible not knowing you all a little better. So if you want to stop by and say hey, please do! I might have a couple of fun questions for you guys to answer and you can always feel free to ask me a question over there as well. :)
As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. Your feedback really does mean a lot! And things that you do bring up in your comments have, on occasion, end up addressed in a chapter. I appreciate everyone being so awesome about a longer than usual update. I'm already 1,000 words into the next chapter, so hopefully the next wait won't be long at all. Cheers!
Previous Chapters >>> Continue
Author: museme87
Pairing(s): Brian/Justin, Ben/Michael, Mel/Lindsay, Ted/Blake, Deb/Carl
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Over the course of his and Justin's seven year non-relationship, Brian had never been one to say no to a third party addition. But when the addition is far more permanent and redefines playroom for the worst, Brian thinks twice about rekindling their old flame. [Post 5.13]
Chapter: 7
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 9,346
Warnings: strong language, explicit sexual situations, discussion of past Justin/Other and Brian/Other
Author's Note: A big thank you to everyone who patiently waited for this chapter. I'm sorry that it took so long, but hopefully you'll find that the wait was worth it! This, like chapter four, is going to be posted in two parts due to the LJ character limit per entry. Much love to L for betaing this and to C for talking me through it; they're both indispensable to my writing process. Also, be sure to check out the Timeline and Character Guide if you need a quick refresher.
Sunshine tastes like mint toothpaste and Chapstick. Their mouths crush against each other, Brian's lips getting coated with the slippery, unflavored balm. Brian forgot about that-how Justin's lips always chap in the winter. In fact, he used to hate the season for that reason (among others, including assholes who don't know how to drive in the goddamn snow). But before this past week, he never realized how much he missed it.
How much he missed everything, really.
Justin's palm stings as it smacks hard against his thigh. Brian grunts, bites down a little too hard on Justin's lip on purpose. Sunshine's strangled little yelp makes him smile, but Justin's fingers digging into the now-red flesh makes the smile fade quickly enough. Brian's not sure if Justin wants to fight him or fuck him tonight, but it's settling somewhere in the middle of the two. Christ, he's not had Justin this desperate for him in years.
"Fuck me," Justin growls into his ear.
Condom on, Brian aligns himself with Justin and pushes in easily. He studies Sunshine's face, watching as anxiousness fades into something like relief. Blue eyes flutter shut as Justin's lips part to suck in a sharp breath. Brian's thumb strokes Justin's temple-the bad one, the one where a four inch scar lies buried beneath blond hair-and leans into kiss him slowly, deeply. Buried inside Justin, the urgency thrumming through every touch, lick, taste from before settles into a quiet calm.
When Justin opens his eyes, Brian feels as if he's being burned. They're so unbelievably fucked, and not in a positive life-affirming way. No, in a way that's realer and bitter and will leave them both ravished and desolate.
"I love you, Brian."
Brian shushes him, places a light kiss on his forehead before pulling back to drive into Justin again. Sunshine squirms under him, warm and sweaty. He locks his feet behind Brian's back and pushes back into Brian to meet him thrust for thrust.
They set a slow, steady pace. Brian's not sure how it all happened. He didn't come here for this. He came for a fuck-with Justin, of course, which does make it different from anything he would have had at Babylon-but this isn't a fuck. The term making love-a personal favorite of his favorite little blond twink-makes him want to puke, but that's probably the closest word that describes it.
As soon as that stupid phrase gets into his head, Brian has to speed things up so that what they're doing is a little more like fucking. He drives into Justin unsteadily, his orgasm building and throwing off his pacing. It doesn't help that Justin's decided to set his own pace, apparently, in a way that feels incredible and infuriating all at the same time. He smacks what he can of Justin's ass, all but telling him to behave and stop being such a bossy bottom.
"Brian." Justin moans, fingers winding tightly into Brian's hair. "Brian…fuck."
"Shh, don't cum yet."
"Don't tell me…what…to do." A gasp. "Oh god, Brian."
Brian feels Justin clamping down on him and tries to hold out to no avail. He cums hard as Justin slumps into an exhausted heap, their legs tangled. As he fights to catch his breath, Brian eases onto Justin and then rolls them both onto their sides.
"That was nice," Justin says, trailing his fingers up Brian's chest.
"Not bad."
"Better than anything you would've got at Babylon."
Brian hums. "Maybe."
"Asshole." Justin shoves him a little.
Brian laughs, stretching over the side of the bed to grab a towel from his open gym bag to clean them off. Last time they'd had to hunt around the room for a condom-Brian's collection being out in the Jeep and Justin, apparently, coming to the Pitts with the impression that he wasn't going to get fucked much. So Brian, in a mad dash to get upstairs to Justin, just grabbed the well stocked bag in case of a repeat performance.
He lets Justin clean up first while he ties off the condom and dumps it in the trash. Justin tosses the towel at his head-reeking of sweat and cum-and Brian wipes himself down before chucking it somewhere in the room.
When Justin sidles up next to him, Brian drapes his arm over Justin's hip, pulling him a bit closer. He's tired, and sleeping with his own personal heater might be worth his while. He forgot how Sunshine throws heat at night, which was always a plus when the weather was cold. Brian thinks he's been forgetting a lot of the little things that made him love (or loathe) Justin way back when.
"I don't suppose you'd let me smoke in here?" Brian grumbles, half-asleep but still itching for an after-sex nicotine fix.
"Keep dreaming."
He huffs his annoyance, but doesn't say another word about it. He's cut back anyway, at his son's insistence that smoking makes people very sick and he doesn't want his dad to be sick.
"Are you staying?" Justin asks, something akin to hope in his tone.
"For a little while."
"But you're falling asleep."
"Your point?"
Justin runs his thumb across Brian's lips, sticky with the rub-off of his Chapstick. "You don't do sleepovers."
"Maybe I'm feeling a little kinky tonight."
Justin smiles wide, ridiculously pleased, and Brian doesn't get how something so simple can make him smile like that. Yeah, he doesn't really do sleepovers. He's sure as hell never done one with Justin. But, the prospect of getting up right now seems far too daunting, as does the fact that, if he leaves now, he won't have a willing ass in his bed when he wakes up. So Brian settles in for the night, covering them both up with a blanket.
"Besides if I leave by sun up, it doesn't count as a sleep over," he mumbles into Justin's hair.
Justin grins against his shoulder before kissing it lightly. "Okay."
~*~*~*~
A few hours later, Brian wakes up to the sound of the kid screaming her head off. Not crying, screaming. He glances over to find Justin gone from bed and shuts his eyes. Let Sunshine deal with his drama princess; it's too early in the morning for this particular brand of bullshit.
As the wailing continues, Brian starts to think that maybe some crazed ax murderer broke into the house, that Justin's dead downstairs and the kid witnessed it all like that one show Mikey watches on Showtime. Unsettled-Joanie always had said that he'd had an overactive imagination-Brian throws on the sweats from his gym bag and creeps downstairs.
There's no ax murderer, Brian finds out, but what he does discover is fucking worse than a blood bath. Justin's waiting on the phone, face red and eyes wet, with the urchin shrieking in his arms. Brian has no idea what the fuck's going on and asks Justin as much with a lift of his brow.
Moving his phone away from his mouth, Justin says, "I'm on hold with her pediatrician. She's been like this for half an hour and she's running a high fever."
"Shit."
"I can't get her to calm down, Brian. And I know the pediatrician is going to send me to the hospital for the fever."
Hospital? Fuck. Brian knows from too much fucking experience that Justin doesn't do hospitals well at all. They freak him the hell out, and before it's all over, he usually ends up with a panic attack. And Brian's not much better. He spent enough time in and out of the hospital as a kid-no thanks to Jack-to have gotten used to it, but that summer after the bashing changed everything. Now he can't step foot in one without thinking of Justin in a coma with staples holding his head together.
"Can I do anything?"
Justin hesitates. "It's fine."
"Justin, for fuck's sake, don't give me the run around."
"Would you take her for a minute?"
Without question, Brian holds out his hands for Justin to pass the kid to him. He holds her against his bare chest, and that's when he realizes that she's burning up, her skin flushed and sweaty. Her high pitched screaming right near his ear grates on his nerves, so Brian can only imagine what Justin must have been feeling for the past half hour.
"Hey, quiet down, kid. We got the message loud and clear," he says softly, bouncing her a little in hopes that it will calm her down like it used to calm Gus.
Justin smoothes down her hair while they wait, seemingly desperate for contact with her. She rubs her face in the crook of Brian's neck, sound now muffled. Brian's not sure what's taking this goddamn pediatrician so fucking long to get back on the mother fucking phone, but if she doesn't soon, he's going to personally drive to New York and strangle her to death.
"Do you want me to grab her bag from her room?" Brian asks.
"You don't have to-"
"It's a simple yes or no, Sunshine. I don't need an Oscar-worthy speech."
Brian hates being short with Justin, but when Justin gets like this, he doesn't think straight and Brian's lucky if he can get through to him at all. Of course he doesn't have to do a damn thing, but he's here. And there's no way in hell that he's going to walk out the door and let Justin deal with this all on his own, in part because Brian's not entirely sure that Justin could drive from here to UPMC's Children's Hospital without wrecking.
"I'll get the bag," Brian says, making the decision for Justin. "You find out what we need to do."
"Brian, really, I appreciate it, but you don't have to do this."
"You're right. I don't. But I want to."
He leaves it at that, turning with the kid to go back upstairs for her things and a t-shirt that he hopes to God he has in his gym bag.
~*~*~*~
Brian watches Justin carefully from the small chair next to the hospital bed where Justin's sitting with the urchin. The longer they hang around here, waiting for that goddamn doctor to come back with a fucking diagnosis, the quieter Justin gets. His breathing's all off, deep and irregular, and the only sign of life from him is when the kid starts to fuss.
If he hadn't come, Brian has no idea how much worse-or better, maybe-Justin would have been. When the nurses tried to fight him about coming back here with Justin and the kid, Justin about lost it on everyone. Brian's never been more thankful for his man-whoring ways since without them he wouldn't have had a few friends in high places-one of them a VIP lounge regular. Greg was able to intervene for him, get him back here-where he should have fucking been in the first place-but it's not done too much good.
"Hey," Brian says quietly, breaking what must have been a twenty minute silence. "Take a couple of deep breaths, okay?"
Justin fixes him with a glare. "Are you going to tell me to push, too?"
Jamming his tongue into his cheek, he mutters, "You know, you wouldn't make a very inspiring pregnant woman."
He drops it, not wanting to get into an argument when they have a sick kid on their hands. No, not they. Him. Justin. Ah, fuck it. Brian's not sure what the hell to think anymore, though he guesses the fact that he's here and has stuck around for four fucking hours probably means something.
"I'm sorry, Brian. You obviously love us a lot if you're willing to be seen in public in a pair of sweats, and here I am being a total shit."
Smirking, Brian huffs a laugh. He'd forgotten about the sweats in the rush over here only to find himself face-to-face with someone like Greg; not exactly how he wants to be seen-slumming around in a pair of sweat pants outside of the gym.
And as for that little remark about loving them, Brian does. Well, he loves Justin. There's no fucking question about that. And the urchin? He glances to her puffy face and sleepy eyes-thank god for drugs-and feels bad for her. He may be cold, but he's not heartless. No kid should have to go through what she's been dealing with for the past few hours. Brian wonders if she caught something during their walk a couple nights ago, remembers that the only reason they were on that walk in the first place is because he and Justin needed their dicks taken care of. If she got sick because of him, Brian won't be able to shake the guilt.
"Do you want to talk? It always helped before."
Justin shrugs. "I don't think it was so much the talking as it was you being around."
"Well I'm here now, and it looks like we've got nothing but time."
"You're hot when you're being protective, you know that? Like when the nurse was trying to take her temperature? I thought you were going to punch the guy for making her scream."
"Fucker deserved it. He's apparently never heard of bedside manner in his life."
He bites his lip. "I miss it, Brian."
If he could, Brian would say that he misses it too. He used to be able to say it all the time when they were not-together. Now he can manage a pathetic I-love-you, but not the other. Why is it that it can only ever be one? Because if he says it now-I miss you, Justin-things would be implied. Things like Breaking up was a mistake, which it might have been, and I wanted you back, which he does in a lot of ways. So instead of having this discussion in the middle of an ER with a sick baby, Brian decides to change the subject altogether.
"Have you called her mother?"
"Not yet," Justin says, and Brian notices the disappointment in his tone, probably because of what Brian didn't say.
"Don't you think you should?"
"I will in awhile. It's still early, and I don't want to wake her up."
"Sunshine-"
"We don't have the same relationship that you and Lindsay have with Gus. Delaney has her own hang-ups. She was kind enough to do this for me, and I'm not going to force anything on her that we didn't agree on."
"She wouldn't want to know if her fucking kid was in the hospital?"
He can't imagine a time when he wouldn't have dropped anything to be with Gus if he were sick. Hell, he can't imagine not being there for Jenny either. Whoever Justin picked as his incubator must be a real piece of work if she makes him look like a stunning example of parenthood.
"Brian, she loves Eli, but in her own way."
The tone in Justin's voice tells him to just drop it. Brian doesn't want to. If she's the only goddamn support he has in New York, then Brian doesn't know what the hell he's going to do. Justin's an adult now, he reminds himself. Just, not an adult without some major baggage. Justin ought to have someone there for him if he needs some help.
And that someone brings him back to the whole conversation he had with Molly yesterday, about Justin's ex and once presumed father of his child. Brian sees his opening here, wonders if it'd be too risky. Justin already knows that he cares, though; he wouldn't be here otherwise. The way Brian sees it, he has no ground to lose on this one.
"What about your ex?"
"What about him?" Justin asks, confused.
"Don't you think he'd want to know his kid is sick? Or does he have hang-ups too?"
Of course Brian knows that the guy had nothing to do with Justin's decision to have the kid. However, Justin doesn't know that, and if Brian can weasel information out of him by playing dumb, he's not morally against it.
"It's just us," Justin says. "Me and her."
"So he doesn't give a shit. You really know how to pick the parents of your kid, Sunshine."
"Brian, look." Justin hesitates, conflicted expression on his face. "When I decided to have Elise, I decided to have her on my own. I wasn't…with anybody, alright? And don't you fucking judge me for it or think I'm some irresponsible asshole. I had a plan, and I had the financial stability to give us a good life."
"So what happened then?"
Justin grows suddenly exasperated. "I met her! I fell in love with her from the moment I laid eyes on her. And I knew I couldn't dump her with a nanny for a few hours a day like I'd planned while I went to the studio. When James left, I lost that support as well. We'd moved into a nice place, which was manageable with two incomes. It got harder to pay for on my own." He shrugs. "We're doing fine. I'm giving her the life she deserves. It just requires a little juggling."
He doesn't know what to think. Brian wanted his answer, but he hadn't really expected that. No one wants to be a single parent. Fuck, he couldn't imagine raising Gus on his own and he's about as low maintenance as a kid comes. And the thing that boggles his mind is that Justin could easily find someone to be with, to make a life with, to give him all the things he's ever wanted. All the things Brian had refused to give him at one time or another.
Whoever the fuck this James guy was, he was obviously brain dead to give up on Justin. What the fuck was his problem? Well, maybe it was the same as his current problem.
"Why'd he leave? Couldn't take the kid?"
"No, he couldn't take me."
"You?" Brian asks, brow raised.
"Yeah, me. I was alright for a few months, and he was cool about the whole expectant father thing. Then, after she was born, he didn't like the person that I was. Except I was the same, and I guess he just couldn't see this part of me that he didn't like." Justin gets quiet all of a sudden. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"But you're doing okay? Justin, don't fucking lie to me about this."
"I'm fine. I don't need you to save me."
Hearing that shouldn't hurt as much as it does. He always knew Justin would learn how to stand on his own two feet someday, but Brian hadn't expected it to gut him. It rings in his ears like, I don't need you, no matter how much he tries to tell himself that's not the case. Justin didn't say that.
Part of Brian wonders if maybe Justin does need him. Otherwise, why bother with the I-miss-you? Maybe Sunshine just thinks that he can't ask. Emmett thought as much, said that Justin believes he can change or be loved. And if that's why he's not coming to Brian…
"You know I'd do anything for you?" Brian says lightly, struggling to get the words out.
Justin opens his mouth to speak, but the doctor knocks on the door quietly and steps in. He's taken for-fucking-ever, so Brian doesn't know why he couldn't wait another five minutes for them to finish this conversation. Justin needs to know that he's not quite the same man he was three years ago. Finding the time to say something like that, though, is hard to come by, especially considering that they've never indulged in overly-personal, sentimental conversations.
~*~*~*~
While Sunshine loads the kid into the back of the Jeep a couple hours later, Brian looks over all the prescriptions and doctor's instructions in his hands. What do they do these days? Just load a kid up on drugs and hope one of them works? What kid needs five prescriptions for a cold, an ear infection, and a bad case of teething? Apparently, the combination was a fucking impressive one, resulting in a higher than normal fever. Even more impressive was the sheer time it took for the doctor to find some drugs that wouldn't set the urchin's allergies off. Goddamn Taylors and their goddamn allergies.
With the kid secured and sleeping in her seat, they both get into the Jeep, Brian passing the mountain load of paperwork to Justin. He turns to start the engine, but Justin grabs him by his scarf and pulls him across the center console.
Their lips meet, Justin's fingers carding through his hair. Tension that he hadn't evenrealized he'd been holding in breaks with a flick of Justin's tongue. Brian opens his mouth for Justin, and they kiss lazily-still deprived of sleep-and break only when they hear a little snore come from the back.
"Thank you."
Brian puts on his sunglasses. "For what?"
Justin doesn't clarify-he doesn't really need to-and Brian shifts the Jeep into reverse and heads out of the parking lot. He makes a quick left turn onto the street.
"Where are we going?"
"Home."
"Um, but Mom's house is the other way," Justin says.
"I know that. I said we're going home."
Endnote: As I mentioned in another entry, I'm holding a little Meet & Greet since so many of you are regular readers and I feel terrible not knowing you all a little better. So if you want to stop by and say hey, please do! I might have a couple of fun questions for you guys to answer and you can always feel free to ask me a question over there as well. :)
As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. Your feedback really does mean a lot! And things that you do bring up in your comments have, on occasion, end up addressed in a chapter. I appreciate everyone being so awesome about a longer than usual update. I'm already 1,000 words into the next chapter, so hopefully the next wait won't be long at all. Cheers!
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