Hello (part 9/11 of the Fallen series)
Series Title: The Fallen Series
Chapter Title: Hello
Author: Tonya
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry tries to sever ties with those around him.
**********
“If I smile and don’t believe
Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream
Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken”
********
Harry sat back the edge of the lake, looking out over the water and lost in his thoughts.
It had been a week since he had returned to Hogwarts, a week since the funeral of the youngest Weasley. He had been spending a lot of days and evenings in this spot by the lake, avoiding everyone he possibly could. Even sharing a tower with them, Harry had somehow managed to keep his interaction with Ron and Hermione to a minimal.
He purposefully stayed behind in the mornings while his roommates got dressed and ready for the day. The cover tightly over his head, he’d listen to the sounds of his friends gathering their things and preparing for the day ahead. None of them bothered him, knowing that when he was in a mood it was best to leave him alone. But Harry had heard Neville the other morning whisper a concern to Ron about his new choice in morning routine.
He didn’t eat meals in the Great Hall anymore; he’d go down to the kitchens and sit with Dobby during meals. The house elf was more than glad to have the company, and being down there kept him away from the questioning looks of other students. And away from his friends.
The only time he saw them was in class. Neither knew or understood why he had taken to hiding, and Hermione had tried only once to call Harry on his reclusiveness. For her effort, he had simply told her he needed some air and had walked out of the common room, schoolbag in tow.
He hated being that way with her, with Ron, but he knew he had to for their own safety. He missed spending time with his friends, but he would miss them even more if they were murdered off by Voldemort or one of his henchmen.
This was a necessary evil.
In his search for seclusion, the lake had become his place to return to day after day and night after night. No one thought to look for him here. If they even thought to look for him….
“Harry?”
Harry turned quickly in his seat to see Luna approaching. The last time he had encountered her in this very spot, she had been gathering flowers for good luck. Today, however, she had no heather blossoms in her hands.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked.
She studied him for a moment, a hint of a frown on her lips. “Looking for you,” she stated simply.
Harry finally turned from her with a frown of his own. “I’d tell you that I’d prefer to be alone, but you’d just sit down anyway.”
For a moment, he waited for her to do just that, and when she didn’t, he cautiously glanced back over his shoulder.
Luna continued to stand where she had stopped, watching him.
“What?” he finally said to her unnerving stare.
“You haven’t been to the Great Hall,” she said as if that answered his question.
“I know,” he said, turning his gaze away from her again.
“And you’ve been avoiding everyone since we returned from the Burrow.”
“Apparently not well enough,” he muttered under his breath.
There was a moment of unsettling silence, which was followed by such an unfamiliar tone in Luna’s voice that it made Harry almost prefer the silence.
“You know, Harry,” she replied in the most stern voice he had ever heard her speak in, “there’s no need to be nasty. I was simply worried about you.”
He turned to her again, not pleased to be the one to elicit such a tone from someone as soft-spoken as Luna. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Luna frowned at him but nodded in acceptance of his apology. She exhaled deeply before finally stepping up beside him and sitting down, pulling her legs up under her body.
“You know, Harry,” she said, her voice returned to its normal airy tone, “you shouldn’t continue to punish yourself for what happened to Ginny.”
“I’m not punishing myself,” he frowned deeply. “I’m protecting you and the others.”
She studied him with a tilt of her head. “How so?”
Harry ran a hand through his unruly hair, watching as the sun began to set over the lake. “He wants to hurt me by going after those I’m close to so I’m taking it upon myself to remove you guys from the situation. I don’t need someone else dying because of me.”
“Your plan has a flaw, you realize.”
He turned to her. “What’s that?”
“He already knows who’s close to you. He knows your friends. He knows your family. He knows everything about you.” She paused, that same small frown forming on her lips again. “If he wants to hurt us, he will. Whether you stay around or not.”
Harry frowned, thinking about that. “But at least this way I know I won’t drag you into my battle. I don’t want you guys to help me when there’s trouble. I want you safe.”
“Harry,” she said, smiling sadly, “we’re *not* safe. Do you think we’re safe right now? Sitting here?”
He hesitated with a nod. “It’s a false sense of safety.”
“It is,” she replied, returning the nod.
Harry sighed, turning away from her again. “I just-- I’m tired of people dying for me. I’m just tired.” He swallowed hard to steady his voice, trying his best to fight back all the emotion wanting to escape from him. “Everyone makes some sort of sacrifice for me. My parents. Sirius. Ginny. And for what? For nothing. They all died for nothing.”
“You’re not nothing,” Luna said quietly.
Harry simply gave a sad laugh in response, lowering his head and closing his eyes, trying to hold in the tears that had so desperately wanted to fall since the night they had found Ginny.
“You’re not,” she said again. “They all died protecting you in some way or another. That doesn’t make their deaths for nothing.”
Harry kept his head lowered and his eyes closed, the tears finally escaping from the corners of his eyes and trickling past the bridge of his nose.
“Don’t make their deaths for nothing, Harry.”
“I can’t keep doing this,” he finally said, his head still lowered. “I can’t keep being this hero that everyone expects me to be.”
“*I* don’t expect you to be a hero. I expect you to be Harry.”
“I don’t know *how* to be just Harry anymore.” He finally raised his head, looking towards her again.
Luna smiled sadly, reaching over and gently removing his glasses from his face. He watched her curiously as she removed a handkerchief from within her robes and carefully wiped his glasses, cleaning away smudges and tears. Once she was done, she laid the handkerchief in her lap before slipping the glasses back onto his face.
“First trick to being Harry?” she said as she placed the glasses back onto his face. “Don’t abandon your friends when they need you, and you need them. It’s not very wise.”
“Second trick?”
“You must be rather adept at Quidditch, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”
Harry laughed quietly, Luna giving him a soft smile.
“Ginny was my best friend here,” she stated with a slight nod of her head. “I know what the other students think of me, and I know she did as well, but she was always quite welcoming. And if I know Ginny, and I’d like to think I do, I know that she wouldn’t want this for you. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.” She paused, studying him. “And I realize that saying that probably makes no difference because I’ve learned that you’re quite the stubborn person when you put your mind to things, but I thought you should at least hear it from someone.”
“I’m not stubborn,” he muttered under his breath.
Luna nodded again. “As were the final words of the infamous Jacob Kinklewood.”
“Who?”
Luna blinked at him, apparently shocked that the name meant nothing to him. “He was a very famous wizard. Kept experimenting with special charms he shouldn’t have.”
Harry raised an eyebrow. “And what happened to him?”
“Turned himself into a bunny,” she stated matter-a-factly. “He couldn’t change himself back.”
Harry simply stared at her, not sure whether to laugh or continue to sit dumbfounded.
“Rabbits aren’t the best wand handlers,” she stated seriously.
At that, he couldn’t help but chuckle. The first semblance of a laugh in months.
Luna, however, blinked at him as if she had missed the joke. “It’s the lack of thumbs.”
Harry smiled at her before sighing deeply. “Thank you, Luna.”
“What for?” she asked, unaware that she deserved thanks for anything.
“For making me realize I’m being an idiot.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call you an idiot.”
“But you would call me stubborn,” he replied with a slight smirk.
“Yes.” She nodded. “So does this mean you’re done avoiding your friends?”
Harry nodded. “I think so.” He paused, his worries sinking back in again. “But if there’s any sign of trouble--”
“There will be,” she interrupted with a nod, “but when it comes, we’ll take care of ourselves. We’ve become very efficient at it with your help.”
“Luna,” he sighed.
“If you prefer, you can retrain us. If that would put your mind at ease.”
“Like the DA meetings?”
She nodded in response.
“Okay, I can do that, but only if you promise me that when everything starts to go wrong, you’ll let me handle it. You won’t help.”
Luna frowned. “It’s not very nice to make promises you can’t keep, Harry.”
“Luna, please.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I can promise that I won’t go looking for trouble, but I can’t make you any promises other than that.”
Harry smiled sadly at her. “I need friends who are less loyal.” Luna returned the smile as Harry glanced down at his watch. “We should head back. It‘s getting late.”
Harry stood, dusting himself off and offering his hand down to her. Luna looked at it for a moment before grabbing her handkerchief from her lap and slipping her free hand into his, allowing him to help her to her feet. He studied her as she brushed dust off her school robe and slipped the handkerchief back within its pocket.
“Can I ask you something?”
She looked up at him with those piercing silver eyes. “Yes, I suppose.”
“How did you know where to find me?”
“At the beginning of the term, you came to this spot to be alone.” She shrugged her shoulders a bit. “We’re all creatures of habit, Harry.”
She gave him that familiar wisp of a smile before reaching up and adjusting his glasses on his face. She gently brushed her thumbs under his eyes and across his cheeks, wiping away what tears that hadn’t dried already.
“That’s much better,” she said with a tiny nod as her fingers trailed away. She glanced over at the lake, where the sun was making the final part of its descent from the sky. “We really should head back.”
She turned to Harry with a smile and began to walk away.
He watched her for a moment, remaining in his spot by the lake. He couldn’t figure out how she did it. The first time they had run into each other here, he had been shut off from the world, and he had welcomed the distance. Then she had appeared out of nowhere with her flowers and had seemed to make everything better with one simple conversation. And tonight, she had somehow managed to do it again.
Somehow, she had managed to get through to him, even when his defenses were up.
Somehow, she had managed to bring him comfort when he thought he didn’t want or need it.
“Luna!” he called out, quickly running to catch up with her.
“Yes?” she said as she turned to him.
He wasn’t quite sure why he did it, except for the voice in his head screaming at him to do so, but he did. He gently placed her face in his hands and kissed her. Luna froze for a moment, in what Harry could only imagine was the same sort of surprise he was feeling at the moment, but to his relief, she soon relaxed into the kiss.
Harry had only kissed one girl before, and that encounter with Cho had been somewhat pleasant if not overwhelming awkward, especially with the crying.
But this was different. This didn’t feel awkward in any sense of the word. This felt… right.
Harry wasn’t sure how long they stood there on the trail back to the castle kissing, but Luna was the first to pull away. She smiled up at him as his hands still lingered around her face.
“Those tricks to being Harry?” she replied. “I’ve added a third.”
“What’s that?” he replied with a quiet laugh.
“Finding a pleasant way to surprise me,” she smiled.
He laughed again before leaning down and taking her lips to his again, suddenly quite content to remain out in the cooling night no matter what time they needed to be back.
Chapter Title: Hello
Author: Tonya
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry tries to sever ties with those around him.
**********
“If I smile and don’t believe
Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream
Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken”
********
Harry sat back the edge of the lake, looking out over the water and lost in his thoughts.
It had been a week since he had returned to Hogwarts, a week since the funeral of the youngest Weasley. He had been spending a lot of days and evenings in this spot by the lake, avoiding everyone he possibly could. Even sharing a tower with them, Harry had somehow managed to keep his interaction with Ron and Hermione to a minimal.
He purposefully stayed behind in the mornings while his roommates got dressed and ready for the day. The cover tightly over his head, he’d listen to the sounds of his friends gathering their things and preparing for the day ahead. None of them bothered him, knowing that when he was in a mood it was best to leave him alone. But Harry had heard Neville the other morning whisper a concern to Ron about his new choice in morning routine.
He didn’t eat meals in the Great Hall anymore; he’d go down to the kitchens and sit with Dobby during meals. The house elf was more than glad to have the company, and being down there kept him away from the questioning looks of other students. And away from his friends.
The only time he saw them was in class. Neither knew or understood why he had taken to hiding, and Hermione had tried only once to call Harry on his reclusiveness. For her effort, he had simply told her he needed some air and had walked out of the common room, schoolbag in tow.
He hated being that way with her, with Ron, but he knew he had to for their own safety. He missed spending time with his friends, but he would miss them even more if they were murdered off by Voldemort or one of his henchmen.
This was a necessary evil.
In his search for seclusion, the lake had become his place to return to day after day and night after night. No one thought to look for him here. If they even thought to look for him….
“Harry?”
Harry turned quickly in his seat to see Luna approaching. The last time he had encountered her in this very spot, she had been gathering flowers for good luck. Today, however, she had no heather blossoms in her hands.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked.
She studied him for a moment, a hint of a frown on her lips. “Looking for you,” she stated simply.
Harry finally turned from her with a frown of his own. “I’d tell you that I’d prefer to be alone, but you’d just sit down anyway.”
For a moment, he waited for her to do just that, and when she didn’t, he cautiously glanced back over his shoulder.
Luna continued to stand where she had stopped, watching him.
“What?” he finally said to her unnerving stare.
“You haven’t been to the Great Hall,” she said as if that answered his question.
“I know,” he said, turning his gaze away from her again.
“And you’ve been avoiding everyone since we returned from the Burrow.”
“Apparently not well enough,” he muttered under his breath.
There was a moment of unsettling silence, which was followed by such an unfamiliar tone in Luna’s voice that it made Harry almost prefer the silence.
“You know, Harry,” she replied in the most stern voice he had ever heard her speak in, “there’s no need to be nasty. I was simply worried about you.”
He turned to her again, not pleased to be the one to elicit such a tone from someone as soft-spoken as Luna. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Luna frowned at him but nodded in acceptance of his apology. She exhaled deeply before finally stepping up beside him and sitting down, pulling her legs up under her body.
“You know, Harry,” she said, her voice returned to its normal airy tone, “you shouldn’t continue to punish yourself for what happened to Ginny.”
“I’m not punishing myself,” he frowned deeply. “I’m protecting you and the others.”
She studied him with a tilt of her head. “How so?”
Harry ran a hand through his unruly hair, watching as the sun began to set over the lake. “He wants to hurt me by going after those I’m close to so I’m taking it upon myself to remove you guys from the situation. I don’t need someone else dying because of me.”
“Your plan has a flaw, you realize.”
He turned to her. “What’s that?”
“He already knows who’s close to you. He knows your friends. He knows your family. He knows everything about you.” She paused, that same small frown forming on her lips again. “If he wants to hurt us, he will. Whether you stay around or not.”
Harry frowned, thinking about that. “But at least this way I know I won’t drag you into my battle. I don’t want you guys to help me when there’s trouble. I want you safe.”
“Harry,” she said, smiling sadly, “we’re *not* safe. Do you think we’re safe right now? Sitting here?”
He hesitated with a nod. “It’s a false sense of safety.”
“It is,” she replied, returning the nod.
Harry sighed, turning away from her again. “I just-- I’m tired of people dying for me. I’m just tired.” He swallowed hard to steady his voice, trying his best to fight back all the emotion wanting to escape from him. “Everyone makes some sort of sacrifice for me. My parents. Sirius. Ginny. And for what? For nothing. They all died for nothing.”
“You’re not nothing,” Luna said quietly.
Harry simply gave a sad laugh in response, lowering his head and closing his eyes, trying to hold in the tears that had so desperately wanted to fall since the night they had found Ginny.
“You’re not,” she said again. “They all died protecting you in some way or another. That doesn’t make their deaths for nothing.”
Harry kept his head lowered and his eyes closed, the tears finally escaping from the corners of his eyes and trickling past the bridge of his nose.
“Don’t make their deaths for nothing, Harry.”
“I can’t keep doing this,” he finally said, his head still lowered. “I can’t keep being this hero that everyone expects me to be.”
“*I* don’t expect you to be a hero. I expect you to be Harry.”
“I don’t know *how* to be just Harry anymore.” He finally raised his head, looking towards her again.
Luna smiled sadly, reaching over and gently removing his glasses from his face. He watched her curiously as she removed a handkerchief from within her robes and carefully wiped his glasses, cleaning away smudges and tears. Once she was done, she laid the handkerchief in her lap before slipping the glasses back onto his face.
“First trick to being Harry?” she said as she placed the glasses back onto his face. “Don’t abandon your friends when they need you, and you need them. It’s not very wise.”
“Second trick?”
“You must be rather adept at Quidditch, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”
Harry laughed quietly, Luna giving him a soft smile.
“Ginny was my best friend here,” she stated with a slight nod of her head. “I know what the other students think of me, and I know she did as well, but she was always quite welcoming. And if I know Ginny, and I’d like to think I do, I know that she wouldn’t want this for you. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.” She paused, studying him. “And I realize that saying that probably makes no difference because I’ve learned that you’re quite the stubborn person when you put your mind to things, but I thought you should at least hear it from someone.”
“I’m not stubborn,” he muttered under his breath.
Luna nodded again. “As were the final words of the infamous Jacob Kinklewood.”
“Who?”
Luna blinked at him, apparently shocked that the name meant nothing to him. “He was a very famous wizard. Kept experimenting with special charms he shouldn’t have.”
Harry raised an eyebrow. “And what happened to him?”
“Turned himself into a bunny,” she stated matter-a-factly. “He couldn’t change himself back.”
Harry simply stared at her, not sure whether to laugh or continue to sit dumbfounded.
“Rabbits aren’t the best wand handlers,” she stated seriously.
At that, he couldn’t help but chuckle. The first semblance of a laugh in months.
Luna, however, blinked at him as if she had missed the joke. “It’s the lack of thumbs.”
Harry smiled at her before sighing deeply. “Thank you, Luna.”
“What for?” she asked, unaware that she deserved thanks for anything.
“For making me realize I’m being an idiot.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call you an idiot.”
“But you would call me stubborn,” he replied with a slight smirk.
“Yes.” She nodded. “So does this mean you’re done avoiding your friends?”
Harry nodded. “I think so.” He paused, his worries sinking back in again. “But if there’s any sign of trouble--”
“There will be,” she interrupted with a nod, “but when it comes, we’ll take care of ourselves. We’ve become very efficient at it with your help.”
“Luna,” he sighed.
“If you prefer, you can retrain us. If that would put your mind at ease.”
“Like the DA meetings?”
She nodded in response.
“Okay, I can do that, but only if you promise me that when everything starts to go wrong, you’ll let me handle it. You won’t help.”
Luna frowned. “It’s not very nice to make promises you can’t keep, Harry.”
“Luna, please.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I can promise that I won’t go looking for trouble, but I can’t make you any promises other than that.”
Harry smiled sadly at her. “I need friends who are less loyal.” Luna returned the smile as Harry glanced down at his watch. “We should head back. It‘s getting late.”
Harry stood, dusting himself off and offering his hand down to her. Luna looked at it for a moment before grabbing her handkerchief from her lap and slipping her free hand into his, allowing him to help her to her feet. He studied her as she brushed dust off her school robe and slipped the handkerchief back within its pocket.
“Can I ask you something?”
She looked up at him with those piercing silver eyes. “Yes, I suppose.”
“How did you know where to find me?”
“At the beginning of the term, you came to this spot to be alone.” She shrugged her shoulders a bit. “We’re all creatures of habit, Harry.”
She gave him that familiar wisp of a smile before reaching up and adjusting his glasses on his face. She gently brushed her thumbs under his eyes and across his cheeks, wiping away what tears that hadn’t dried already.
“That’s much better,” she said with a tiny nod as her fingers trailed away. She glanced over at the lake, where the sun was making the final part of its descent from the sky. “We really should head back.”
She turned to Harry with a smile and began to walk away.
He watched her for a moment, remaining in his spot by the lake. He couldn’t figure out how she did it. The first time they had run into each other here, he had been shut off from the world, and he had welcomed the distance. Then she had appeared out of nowhere with her flowers and had seemed to make everything better with one simple conversation. And tonight, she had somehow managed to do it again.
Somehow, she had managed to get through to him, even when his defenses were up.
Somehow, she had managed to bring him comfort when he thought he didn’t want or need it.
“Luna!” he called out, quickly running to catch up with her.
“Yes?” she said as she turned to him.
He wasn’t quite sure why he did it, except for the voice in his head screaming at him to do so, but he did. He gently placed her face in his hands and kissed her. Luna froze for a moment, in what Harry could only imagine was the same sort of surprise he was feeling at the moment, but to his relief, she soon relaxed into the kiss.
Harry had only kissed one girl before, and that encounter with Cho had been somewhat pleasant if not overwhelming awkward, especially with the crying.
But this was different. This didn’t feel awkward in any sense of the word. This felt… right.
Harry wasn’t sure how long they stood there on the trail back to the castle kissing, but Luna was the first to pull away. She smiled up at him as his hands still lingered around her face.
“Those tricks to being Harry?” she replied. “I’ve added a third.”
“What’s that?” he replied with a quiet laugh.
“Finding a pleasant way to surprise me,” she smiled.
He laughed again before leaning down and taking her lips to his again, suddenly quite content to remain out in the cooling night no matter what time they needed to be back.