(no subject)
Title : Sorrow
Beta : minniesaranghae
Genre : Angst
Pairing : Yunjae
Length : Oneshot
Rating : G
Summary : In hardships, you can't handle eveything; you also need someone to rely on.
He thought it was a good idea; actually, he only wanted to see his interview on the DVD. Maybe he shouldn’t have watched. Little by little, he realized he was a bit too realistic. He should have faked some answers, but he couldn’t help being honest especially when talking about this. "As a JYJ member... and as a TVXQ member..." Even if it was just a slip of his tongue, he figured he should be sincere towards his fans. But it hurt. Even just by mentioning it.
The situation was now too much for him to handle; the lawsuit, JYJ’s tour, the stalkers, the fans on the internet. It was too much. There was too much pressure on his shoulders. He was still anxious whenever they would do another concert. He was convinced they needed to prove themselves every time; the fear of disappointing people was eating him alive. He hadn’t said a thing about his fears and thoughts to his two members; he paid attention to hide his real feelings -even if he knew he could rely on them and trust them. But he refused to seem weak, he was their hyung. ‘Director Kim’ as people seemed to call him, he was supposed to take care of everything. Like a leader.
He, who didn’t want to be the leader on their debut, thought he had no choice being one now. Just thinking about that word, he closed his eyes, as if he prevented himself from recalling his memories. But he couldn’t help it; to him, the word leader was the synonym of a certain someone. There he was thinking again about those two people who were part of his life for seven years. He didn’t even know if he could call them his members again. Even if he felt he still belonged to TVXQ, he wasn’t sure how they felt about it.
Of course they tried to keep in touch despite all of their misunderstandings, but every time, they seemed to brush off the topic. He was still convinced that they were bitter, there was no need to ruin their relationship because of this issue. He was still grateful that he could talk to them. He didn’t want another burden on his shoulders; he’s had enough worries and problems already. He didn’t want to seem weak but he couldn’t take everything. How many times has he wanted to ask for advice from his leader? How many times has he wanted to confess?
He clenched his fists, grasping his sheets as a single tear ran down his cheek. He didn’t even bother to pay attention to the TV set in front of him anymore. He was a hair’s breath away from cracking under the pressure. Sometimes it was too much to bear, how many times has he cried his eyes out in a hotel room? He stayed for a few minutes on the bed, trying to control his soon-to-be hectic breathing. Knuckles turning white, he didn’t even feel a thing when his nails dug in his skin; his sorrows were more painful than anyone could ever imagine.
Another tear escaped his eyelids, he failed to prevent himself from shedding his tears. Unconsciously, one of his hands left the sheet and finally grabbed the remote control, putting the DVD on mute. He couldn’t stand to hear his own voice, he felt so pathetic. His hand ran on the sheet to find another object, his digits already touching it.
He needed him, he needed to hear his voice, he knew his voice could calm him. No one else could reassure him. He felt so weak having to depend on his leader so much. But at that moment, he didn’t need his leader; he needed his man, his lover. Placing his phone on his hear, he felt his heart pounding in his chest as every dialling tone rang out, echoing in his head. He even found himself desperately wishing the other would answer soon. He never felt this needy towards him.
“Yoboseyo? Jae?”
He couldn’t choke back his tears upon hearing his voice. He did his best to hold back his tears though, he really did. But it was useless every time he was talking to him. He couldn’t pretend in front of his man, the other knew him too well anyway.
“Yunho-ah,” he whispered through his silent sobs.
His hand clutched his phone, letting his tears run down his cheeks. He didn’t care anymore; he couldn’t stop himself from crying anyway. Besides he knew the other man wouldn’t judge him. They stayed on the phone for a while, one repeating the same sweet words over and over, the other carefully listening, calming himself little by little. It was at that moment that he realized his boyfriend had some sort of magic to be able ease his pain so well, that in hardships he could always rely on Yunho.
THE END
A/N: Hi there *waves* This is based from JYJ's Three voices :) I hope this wasn't too angtsy ||:
Comments are appreciated :) Thanks for reading :D
Beta : minniesaranghae
Genre : Angst
Pairing : Yunjae
Length : Oneshot
Rating : G
Summary : In hardships, you can't handle eveything; you also need someone to rely on.
He thought it was a good idea; actually, he only wanted to see his interview on the DVD. Maybe he shouldn’t have watched. Little by little, he realized he was a bit too realistic. He should have faked some answers, but he couldn’t help being honest especially when talking about this. "As a JYJ member... and as a TVXQ member..." Even if it was just a slip of his tongue, he figured he should be sincere towards his fans. But it hurt. Even just by mentioning it.
The situation was now too much for him to handle; the lawsuit, JYJ’s tour, the stalkers, the fans on the internet. It was too much. There was too much pressure on his shoulders. He was still anxious whenever they would do another concert. He was convinced they needed to prove themselves every time; the fear of disappointing people was eating him alive. He hadn’t said a thing about his fears and thoughts to his two members; he paid attention to hide his real feelings -even if he knew he could rely on them and trust them. But he refused to seem weak, he was their hyung. ‘Director Kim’ as people seemed to call him, he was supposed to take care of everything. Like a leader.
He, who didn’t want to be the leader on their debut, thought he had no choice being one now. Just thinking about that word, he closed his eyes, as if he prevented himself from recalling his memories. But he couldn’t help it; to him, the word leader was the synonym of a certain someone. There he was thinking again about those two people who were part of his life for seven years. He didn’t even know if he could call them his members again. Even if he felt he still belonged to TVXQ, he wasn’t sure how they felt about it.
Of course they tried to keep in touch despite all of their misunderstandings, but every time, they seemed to brush off the topic. He was still convinced that they were bitter, there was no need to ruin their relationship because of this issue. He was still grateful that he could talk to them. He didn’t want another burden on his shoulders; he’s had enough worries and problems already. He didn’t want to seem weak but he couldn’t take everything. How many times has he wanted to ask for advice from his leader? How many times has he wanted to confess?
He clenched his fists, grasping his sheets as a single tear ran down his cheek. He didn’t even bother to pay attention to the TV set in front of him anymore. He was a hair’s breath away from cracking under the pressure. Sometimes it was too much to bear, how many times has he cried his eyes out in a hotel room? He stayed for a few minutes on the bed, trying to control his soon-to-be hectic breathing. Knuckles turning white, he didn’t even feel a thing when his nails dug in his skin; his sorrows were more painful than anyone could ever imagine.
Another tear escaped his eyelids, he failed to prevent himself from shedding his tears. Unconsciously, one of his hands left the sheet and finally grabbed the remote control, putting the DVD on mute. He couldn’t stand to hear his own voice, he felt so pathetic. His hand ran on the sheet to find another object, his digits already touching it.
He needed him, he needed to hear his voice, he knew his voice could calm him. No one else could reassure him. He felt so weak having to depend on his leader so much. But at that moment, he didn’t need his leader; he needed his man, his lover. Placing his phone on his hear, he felt his heart pounding in his chest as every dialling tone rang out, echoing in his head. He even found himself desperately wishing the other would answer soon. He never felt this needy towards him.
“Yoboseyo? Jae?”
He couldn’t choke back his tears upon hearing his voice. He did his best to hold back his tears though, he really did. But it was useless every time he was talking to him. He couldn’t pretend in front of his man, the other knew him too well anyway.
“Yunho-ah,” he whispered through his silent sobs.
His hand clutched his phone, letting his tears run down his cheeks. He didn’t care anymore; he couldn’t stop himself from crying anyway. Besides he knew the other man wouldn’t judge him. They stayed on the phone for a while, one repeating the same sweet words over and over, the other carefully listening, calming himself little by little. It was at that moment that he realized his boyfriend had some sort of magic to be able ease his pain so well, that in hardships he could always rely on Yunho.
THE END
A/N: Hi there *waves* This is based from JYJ's Three voices :) I hope this wasn't too angtsy ||:
Comments are appreciated :) Thanks for reading :D