chasemd:house/xmen:chase/rogue:myo: this is love

[chasemd]

Title:"This is Love" by PJ Harvey
Author(s): chasemd & annamarie_rogue (co-written)
Fandom: House, M.D. & X-Men
Prompt: 02 of 15
Character/Pairing: Robert Chase/Rogue
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,344
Summary: Rogue has news for Chase... Follows on from THIS.
Authors Notes/Disclaimer: We do not own Chase, House, M.D., Rogue or the X-Men and are not affiliated with any.



I can't believe life's so complex
When I just wanna' sit here and watch you undress
* This is love that I'm feeling
Does it have to be a life full of dread?
I wanna' chase you round the table, I wanna' touch your head
This is Love - PJ Harvey

Chase tugged his surgical mask down so it was hanging around his neck and peeled off his gloves. "Good job, Chase. If I ever crash on the table, I want you hitting me with your defib," Baxter said, slapping Chase on the back.

Chase laughed, shaking his head as he scrubbed his hands with the strong disinfectant. "If I didn't know you were happily married, I'd be wondering if that was a pick up line, mate." He peeled some paper off the roll and then fell into step beside his colleague as they headed out into the main area of the surgical department, the large steel doors of the op theatre swinging closed behind them.

"Well, if I was going to turn gay for anyone, it would be you, buddy. You still on for drinks tonight? We're going to the White Lion. I think it's your round, if I remember rightly," Baxter teased, giving Chase a nudge and then smirked. "There's a hottie perving on you at three o'clock. It can't be the hair this time, you still have your cap on."

Chase looked in the suggested direction and found Rogue standing by the surgical reception desk. He grinned. "Trust me, mate, it's more than the hair," he insisted, nudging his friend and bounding over to Rogue. "What have I done to deserve this unexpected pleasure?"

Rogue had been watching him, the guilt making her stomach twist as she saw how happy he was. She tried not to let it show on her face though. She wondered if she succeeded, or if the smile on her face looked as forced as it felt. In one foul swoop her entire world was going to come apart, she just knew it.

He wasn't going to want anything to do with her after this. As soon as she managed to get the words out of her mouth, he'd run far, far away from her. This was the last thing he wanted. And it wasn't exactly high up on Rogue's list of wants either.

She bit her lip, willing herself not to fall apart before she had a chance to explain. Until he ran he was still hers. She'd enjoy every last remaining moment. "I needed to see you," she managed to rasp out, her throat suddenly dry. "I woulda tried callin' but this couldn't really wait. Maybe I shoulda waited, though. Ain't really fair to dump this on you while you're at work." She started to back away like she was rethinking her appearance at the hospital. "I should just go, I'll--I can talk to you about this later."

When Rogue had smiled, Chase had been more than convinced she'd come to surprise him with an offer to make their suggestions of wild exam room sex come true - and he was about to start his break, which was an added bonus.

But as soon as she started talking, his stomach dropped somewhere around his knees. There was something in her voice, before even considering the words out of her mouth. She'd come to break up with him before they even really decided they were officially together. She'd finally decided his shit just wasn't worth it, or his work hours were too much, or she couldn't handle his shit...

"Wait. Rogue," he said, reaching for her hand and having a distinct worry she would brush it away. "W-What's wrong? I'm on my break. If you need..." Well, if she was going to split with him, the least he could do was give her the time and respect to make a good job of it. And she was here. She'd driven all this way without notice... meaning this wasn't big, it was HUGE. The last time she'd done this was when he was hiding from her and they thought they were over even then.

She didn't brush his hand away. In fact she clung to it, her gloved-fingers gripping tightly. If this was the last time she was going to see him, then she'd take any touch she could get. Besides, Chase was the only one she wanted to help her right now. These days when she felt like things were bad, or going so very, very wrong, he was the one she wanted to call first.

"I--" she stopped, and glanced around them, suddenly aware they were still in the surgical reception area. "Is there somewhere more private we can go?"

She brought her other hand up, tucking her platinum streaks behind her ears. She was aware that she was starting to tremble and she instinctively moved closer to Chase, seeking comfort and strength.

"Sure," Chase said with a worried frown. "Just down the hall. There's some visitors' room." He put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her against him as he led her down the hall. He wanted to repeat his question; ask her again what was wrong. But now he was scared what she might say and she'd made it clear she wanted somewhere private.

As if just to give himself something to do in the walk to the quieter area of the ward, he dragged his surgical cap off his head and shoved it in the pocket of his scrubs shirt, and unhooked the mask around his neck, pocketing that too. He pushed the door open and switched the light on, standing aside so she could go inside.

She stepped past him, entering the room as she tried not to be sick. She was feeling worse by the second, like if she didn't just get this secret out she was going to be eaten from the inside out. She pressed a hand to her stomach, waiting for him to close the door before she threw herself at him, burying her face against his chest.

"I didn't know what else to do," she mumbled against the fabric of his scrubs. "I just... Oh God, Doc, I'm so sorry. I never wanted--I--we promised we'd never let go, but..." She sniffed, trying so hard to keep the tears back. "I'm sorry."

Chase wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. "Hey, hey... Whatever it is can't be that bad," he said softly. "We got this far, right? You just need to tell me what's upsetting you, babe, so we can try and help it." He was leaning down to try and see her face, but she had it firmly hidden against his chest.

Despite his words, he was close to wanting to wet himself. Why was she apologising? It definitely sounded like she was about to break up with him, maybe after something she'd promised him and now didn't want anymore? His own stomach turned over anxiously.

She took a gasping breath as she turned her head a little. It was true that she was hiding her face; not brave enough to look at him. She wanted so badly just to hide entirely, but being in his arms felt so much safer.

"I... I realised I was late. You know, like not timin' late--hormones late," she clarified. "I'm talkin' hormones and cycles and cramps and all that other fun stuff. And I took a test. I don't know how accurate these things are but it came out positive." She sucked in another breath, once again her face pressing against his chest. "I'm pregnant."

Chase froze as a dull throb started in his chest and emanated to his ears. Did she say pregnant? Surely not. "No," he said with a small laugh. He pulled back a little to look at her, sure she would be laughing when he did.

She wasn't laughing.

He blinked, as his stomach now leapt up into his throat and made it hard to talk. "No... we've..." he rasped. Actually they hadn't always been so condom savvy, as was where his mind tried to take him. There was at least once where they'd gotten so passionate so quickly, they'd forgotten. "It's... they're... how late?"

He was still there, and she was still in her arms. Rogue held onto him tightly as she endeavoured to prolong the moment when he'd inevitably try and run away. It was selfish and she knew it, but she couldn't do this alone.

And she was very much not laughing.

She looked up at him, brown eyes filled with fear. She was terrified of losing him, and she was terrified of what this meant. She chewed on her lip, and spoked softly. "A week. I just... I didn't even know until that night you said maybe you were in a bad mood because you were hormonal. I just thought maybe I was a bit late, ya know? I was waitin' for the inevitable munchies and sappy emotions and there was nothin'."

"Fuck," Chase cursed before he could stop himself. "No, just sickness and tiredness..." He took a step back and ran his hand through his hair. This wasn't supposed to have happened! Not like this. Fuck. Now what?

He took a few steps to the left, and then back to the right. Before he knew it, he was pacing, trying to wrap his head around it. After all these years of casual sex and being absolutely and utterly careful, he'd slipped with her. He lost himself in her and now they were facing this... this... "Fuck," he said again under his breath, shoving his hand in his mouth and chewing his thumbnail. He could taste the clinical sharpness of the disinfectant he'd washed his hands with, but he didn't care. "I-I need... I should take blood and things... a proper test."

All Rogue could do was watch him, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. Her middle that now had a life growing inside it.

Oh Lordy.

She moved backwards, dropping onto the nearest surface and burying her face in her hands. This was it. She'd finally pushed her luck too far. She should have known better than to think that she was special enough to make Chase want to stay in one place. With her.

"I'm sorry," she moaned, still feeling like all this was her fault. "And if you wanna do tests then do tests. I still can't... I peed on a goddamn stick! Those things can't be accurate, right?"

Chase stopped in front of the window and looked out. "They can be wrong. Mostly they're accurate..." he said. "Just... I prefer proper tests. Those can't be wrong."

He turned around, feeling his face flushed. "I-I'll be right back. I'll get the stuff. We'll do it now." He disappeared out the door before she could answer. Maybe he was running away, but only a little bit. He had all intentions of going back once he collected what he needed from the treatment room. It's just that the room felt claustrophobic and he needed to re-group... or try to at the very least.

Her heart wrenched when she watched him leave. This was it; it had to be. Tests were just his cover. The more rational part of her brain kept her in place, and kept her from breaking down. This was her Not-Yet-Titled after all. She doubted anyone else could have reacted any better, and she couldn't blame him for probably needing an excuse to escape this room.

She just pulled her knees up to her chest, making herself as small as possible as she rocked back and forth. She still couldn't believe that this was happening, and she was the one who'd done the first test. She didn't know what to think. She'd never thought that children were in her future. Maybe she'd wanted them, but she just never thought there'd be a guy who could give them to her; accidentally, or planned. She was the Untouchable Girl. Protection had always been the name of the game.

Chase really wanted to escape to the nearest bathroom and throw up extensively. But he kept a sliver of composure as he fumbled his way around the treatment room plucking up the vials and syringes like he was on autopilot.

He set everything down on the trolley and then rested his head against the door of the nearby cabinet. "Oh god," he whimpered. The rational part of his brain was in hiding. He couldn't think straight, but he had to. He needed to not lose it and not panic. Maybe he could do that later when he was alone, but not now. He straightened up and rubbed a hand over his face before picking up everything he needed and walking back up the hall to Rogue.

He faltered at the door. If this was just another Clinic patient who had shown up thinking she was pregnant, Chase would be about to lead into the 'You have options' spiel. This wasn't another Clinic patient. It was Rogue. His Rogue, sitting in there with a... a life inside her that they'd created together, whether he could accept it or not. He never expected to be on the end of his own 'options' speech. Now the options suddenly didn't seem so black and white anymore.

He pushed the door open and went to sit beside her, discarding the things on a nearby plastic chair. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, knowing the answer deep down, but he needed to at least hear her say something.

She shook her head slightly as her eyes went wide at seeing all the objects he'd brought back in with him. At least he'd come back, and that knot in her stomach loosened slightly. She wouldn't really have blamed him if he'd stayed away. She wanted just to curl up against him and wait until it all went away, but she knew it wasn't a possibility.

"I'm scared," she confessed. "I'm terrified of what this means, and I'm terrified I'll lose you." She shook her head a little more emphatically, and tears started to spill over and streak down her cheeks. "I never meant for this to happen, Doc."

It sounded like such a lame defense. Of course she hadn't meant for it to happen, but it had. She knew there were options, and really... She didn't know what she'd choose. One of her biggest fears was killing her own child because she wouldn't be able to touch them.

She still didn't know if that fear alone was enough to make her give up on the life currently inside her. No matter how new it was.

Chase shook his head and put his arm back around her. "I promise you aren't going to lose me. And I'm just as much at fault here as you." He exhaled slowly. "And I feel sick, and petrified right along with you," he admitted. "But we don't have to think about decisions of any sort yet. We'll do the test and get the results, then we can both have time to contemplate what we should do. Are you okay for the tests now? Or do you want to wait?"

"Damn you for bein' so hot and fertile," she said with a tiny smile. "Damn us for bein' unable to control ourselves when we're around each other." She huffed out a breath, snorting a little as she tried to stem the flow of tears. She wiped at her cheeks with one hand, the other resting on his leg. Rogue looked at him with her watery brown eyes, relief and adoration reflected in them at that moment. "I'm so glad I ain't gonna lose you, sugar. And I'm kinda glad I ain't the only one feelin' sick, either." She gave a nod at his question, and cleared her throat. "Do 'em now. Please."

Chase reached for the gloves he'd brought and pulled them on. "Part of me is really seeing the benefits of condoms right now, even though the bastards are a pain in the arse to think about at the time..." He peeled the wrapping off the syringe and slipped the circulation band around her arm. "I hope you're okay with needles and things. If you feel faint or nauseous, let me know straight away, okay?"

"Pump your hand a little for me," he requested, gently feeling in the crook of her elbow for a place to insert the needle. He stopped for a moment and met her eyes. "I'm not going to let you do this alone," he promised. "No matter what the outcome."

Rogue returned his gaze, and nodded. "I know now that you said it. Just my head don't always go the optimistic route when I first think of what your reaction is gonna be." She bit down on her lip, and shrugged a shoulder. "I kinda always used to enforce 'em ya know cos of my skin and all, but with you..." she looked at him, pumping her hand like he'd asked, "I guess it was just easy to ignore it. Think maybe it'd help if I went on the Pill?"

She arched her eyebrow a little. "I'm not exactly great with 'em given Logan's nightmares, but I can deal. Dyin' kinda takes all the fear out of some things. 'Sides, I'm kinda feelin' faint and nauseous regardless. I feel like my head's gonna explode from all the pressure. I hope you don't mind bein' covered in bits formerly known as Rogue."

Chase stood up. "Lie down, babe. I'll be gentle, I promise," he said, thankful for the sofa, albeit a tiny one. He would've taken her to an exam room, but that would make it too much like work and this wasn't work. "If this comes back positive, the Pill won't be much help to you. But if not, we can definitely talk about prescribing you something. I assume you're okay with medication and things, even though your genes are a little different to most?"

He knelt down beside her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "There will be a small sting," he warned and then inserted the needle, drawing three small vials of her blood. He may as well take a full blood count while he was here to see if she was lacking anything. Once he was done, he pressed a cotton bud to the puncture and labelled the vials, setting them aside to take to the lab. He was going to test them himself. He just didn't trust anyone else. "Let's try not to get you to that exploding point, huh? Although, if you're going to throw up, best in here." He handed her a sick bag he'd collected just in case.

She just let him take the lead, trusting herself to him fully. She knew he'd keep her safe. Her gaze stayed on his face, trying not to look too hard as he drew the blood. It wasn't so much the fact that the procedure troubled her; it was more just a coping mechanism for the situation in general. He was keeping her grounded right now whether he was looking to, or not.

She took the sick bag with a smile, and gave a little nervous laugh. "I think I can manage that. I don't want my head to explode either, but this is a pretty big thing, ya know?" She frowned, and rolled her eyes. "Of course you know. That's such a stupid thing to say. And yes, I'm okay with meds and stuff. Only thing I ain't so good with is morphine, but that's only because I get high, or whatever pretty easy. Man, I talk a lot when I'm on that stuff. Even more than normal, or when I'm drunk."

Chase gave her a small smile. "Or when you're petrified," he added. "I'm going to do my damnest to make sure nothing happens to you that you'll need morphine for. There are alternatives. It's not a nice drug to be on, to say the least. This is... a very very huge thing. And it's not going to be easy. It's going to be scary, but we have each other, right? When we get the test results back, we'll pick ourselves up and decide what to do, and hopefully avoid any head explosions in the process. But I want you to take it easy, take care of yourself. The usual no drinking, no smoking, eating well. No matter what, that's important for you."

He brushed his fingers through her hair. "How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness, or other unusual things?"

She raised a hand to give him a mock salute. "Yes, Doctor. No drinkin', no smokin' and eatin' well. There's really only one of those I have to implement, anyways."

Rogue closed her eyes for a moment, letting herself relax as he touched her hair. "Just the tired and blah that you already knew about. Most nights I've even managed to be sleepin' 'cept for the odd nightmare. I've been gettin' a bit sick feelin', but there's been no actual throwin' up, or anythin'. Um, except for maybe once." She looked at him, reaching out with her hand to grip at his scrubs. She wanted the contact. "How long do the tests take?"

"It depends on the availability in the lab. I can't put urgent on it if the test isn't urgent. Unfortunately, this doesn't classify. It might not be until the morning. Are you going to be okay with that? You can stay the night at my place if you like, but Cameron's home. It's completely your choice. If you don't want to stay, I can call you as soon as we get the results," Chase promised her.

He patted her hand. "You need to tell me if you start feeling any different. What about work? Are you feeling up to going? Maybe you can just, um, work in the office or something? If it even has an office...?" He looked confused, realising he didn't know much about her work at all.

"I--I want to stay with you," she whispered. The idea of facing Cameron again was a little terrifying all on its own, but she didn't want to be alone. The alternative was going back to New York and maybe calling Charlie, or Nathan but she didn't know if she wanted anyone else to know about this. Not right now. "And I'll be okay. I'm a big girl."

Rogue smiled at his confusion, more because he always looked so adorable when he was confused than because she found amusement in it. She shook her head. "Barrin' the end of the world, or some great catastrophe, I'm thinkin' they can do without me. There is a school part, so it's kinda like an office. An office filled with child-sized and noisy mutant brats."

She knew she'd been pretty secretive when it had come to her work, and she was almost grateful that he'd never pressed the issue. It wasn't that she didn't ever want to talk about it, it was more that she liked that he was separate from the X-Men. With the exception of Logan, and now Bobby, no one at that place knew about Chase. She figured for as long as he kept him separate there was no way he could get dragged into anything that would put him in danger.

"Is it safe for you and..." Chase hesitated, the words 'and the baby' not quite eventuating to the surface. He managed a smile. "The last thing I want to do is piss you off from being overbearing or anything. I won't jump the gun. I'll log these in the lab and hopefully be able to get in this afternoon between surgeries. In the meantime, why don't you go back to my place and get some rest? You can make yourself at home. I'll probably finish work around six or seven, all assuming we don't get an emergency. If we do, I'll call you. There is always that slim chance I'll be stuck much longer than anticipated. I'll tell Cameron you're not feeling well and will be staying the night. She'll be okay with it."

"Work?" she asked for clarification. She didn't mind his stumbling over the 'baby' part. She didn't think she'd even be able to get it out herself, so she was careful with the language she chose. "Probably not. It's pretty dangerous. I don't know what to do, though. Not without tellin' everyone and I don't wanna tell everyone, not yet." She also had to wonder if Logan would be able to smell the change in her, and really that freaked her out more than a little. Him knowing about Chase was one thing. Him knowing exactly what her and Chase got up to was something else. "And you could never piss me off. Not unless you try and eat all my cookies and cream. Even then I'd say it'd just put us in line for some angry make up sex." Panic flashed across her face for a moment and she felt the need to make a correction. "Safe, very much of the protection usage, angry make up sex."

She just nodded as he told her about work. "It's okay. I'll be okay. Maybe just a little clingy, and I'm sorry about that. But you just do the work thing. It's fine." She let out a slow breath, willing herself to try and relax and smile reassuringly. "In that holy-crap-I-might-be-pregnant-fine kinda way."

"Try not to worry about telling people and all that just yet," Chase told her softly, kissing her forehead. "We'll take a step at a time and cross each bridge and all those other cheesy metaphors that we'll probably clutch to in an effort to make ourselves feel better. Try and get some rest when you get back to the apartment. I'll bring some dinner home and we can eat it in bed together."

He helped her sit up slowly, staying kneeling beside her in case she wasn't okay. "And we can talk about your work thing when the time comes." The time for what, he had no clue at that point. "I'd come home with you if I could, but I'm scheduled as head of two surgeries this afternoon. But you can call me if you need anything. I'll be able to get the messages when I get out. And, um, just ignore the unmade bed at home. I had trouble getting my arse into gear this morning and was a bit lazy." He swallowed and cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the lump that seemed to have taken residence there.

She reached out with a gloved hand to comb her fingers through his hair, smiling as she gazed at him. "My Doc's so important," she said in reference to him heading surgeries. She was proud of him even if he'd been doing this long before she'd come along. She figured it was part of the whole being in love with him. Her smile faltered for a split second. Now wasn't exactly the greatest time to be having that particular revelation. Then again, their timing had always been their own. He had been right when he'd said they'd never been conformists.

And she did love him.

She'd finished the whole falling part, and now she was very much in love with him. She just figured it was one bombshell at a time, and he still needed to recover from finding out she might be pregnant. She leaned forward, and placed a tender kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for bein' you, and thank you for lookin' after me, and thank you for not leavin' me." She pulled away again, and nodded her head. " I promise I'll get some rest, but only if you bring back Thai for that dinner in bed thing."

Chase looked at her, as if not quite sure she'd just said the Thai thing and then he laughed. "See? And I can't say no now because I risk getting slapped. Not that I wouldn't deserve it, but considering everything, I really do." The smile soon died on his lips though and he swept his hand over his face, a slightly unsteady feeling settling over him.

He stood up when his knee started to hurt from kneeling. He touched her head and then brushed his fingers back through her hair. "You don't have to thank me. I would do anything for you."

She shook her head, standing up as well but had to rest her hand on his arm to steady herself. "You don't need a slap. I ain't the kind to hold off on a slap no matter who you are, but you ain't exactly inspired me to slap you just yet." She couldn't help smirking lightly. " 'Cept those little slaps to your ass."

"And I'd do anythin' for you." Rogue stood on her tiptoes, giving him another brief kiss. She wanted more; needed more. Only the mood right now wasn't conducive to passionate kisses. Surely it was just that kind of thing that got them in trouble in the first place?

Chase put his arm around her and pulled her into a longer kiss. Maybe it wasn't quite passionate, but it was an attempt to reassure her that he meant what he said, even if he didn't seem to exactly be able to coordinate his actions or mouth to emphasise it to her. He hugged her, holding her close, trying to reassure himself that things would be okay as much as her.

He pulled back, clearing his throat again. "I better go book in to the labs and scrub up again," he said, rubbing her shoulder. "Remember to call me if you need anything."

She nodded, her arms automatically wrapping around her own waist in an effort to compensate for him letting her go. She couldn't help but just want to hold onto him for as long as possible. He had work to do, and she understood that. She still felt guilty for laying this on him while he was at the hospital but she just didn't know how long she could have kept it to herself.

"I'll call, I promise. I'm--" she clamped her mouth shut before she apologised again, and just gave him a crooked smile instead. Maybe it wasn't as bright as it usually was, but it was genuine. "I'll see you when you're done."

Chase took her hand and squeezed it, then gave her another kiss. "I promise I'll try and be as quick as I can. And no more apologies from either of us or our foreplay will turn into a string of 'I'm sorries' and that's really not conducive to getting a boner, you know," he joked, but his stomach flopped as he did.

"You're okay? You still got the key? Do you need anything before you go?" he asked collecting up the vials and the kidney dish of waste from the blood tests.

She laughed a little at the joke, but her stomach did a back flip and she stopped laughing abruptly. "I'm okay as I can be right now. Yes, I got the key, and nope I don't need anythin'. 'Least nothin that a good scream and cry won't fix." She tugged on his top, and arched an eyebrow. "But I promise not to do either 'til we know what's what."

She backed away from him, running her hands through her hair as she gave him the space to leave. She had to get herself together enough to make the drive to his place. She was more than happy to be going back there instead of New York. She very much doubted her ability to make that particular trip right now.

Chase paused at the door and turned back to look at her. He looked like he wanted to say something and hesitated for a few moments more before blinking as if he was having second thoughts. Instead he offered her a tiny smile. "Get some rest. I'll let you know when I'm on my way home," he promised, then blew her a small kiss before disappearing into the hall.