Jealousy (muse_manifesto)
I don't like to be left out, it's just my thing. Guess it's kind of a weird instinct to follow when you think about how I grew up. Just a girl in the world, not that pretty, not that smart. Nobody ever really liked me in school which was cool with me cause I hated all of them too. Dunno if I ended up hating on them cause they didn't like me or if I'd always felt that way. I was always jealous at the girls wearing all the new clothes, and not some lame hand me down that their social worker probably hooked them up with the last time Mama went on a twelve day long drinking binge. After awhile I got so jealous of everybody that I knew that I just stopped feeling it anymore and instead I just started to hate them instead. Alot easier to be permanently pissed off at the world than it is to feel like you're not good enough all the time.
When I blew into Sunnydale I thought B would finally get it, y'know? Thought she'd get what it meant to be the Slayer and that she might be the only person in the whole damn world that could see me for what I really was, that could accept it. As usual I was wrong and that turned into another fucking mess. She wasn't like me. I had nobody. Dead Mom, Dead Watcher, a whole long fucking list of dead people trailing behind me all the way from Massachusetts to California. B had the mom (alive version), little sister, doting Watcher, hot boyfriend and a gang of pals that'd pretty much lay down their lives for her at the drop of a hat. My dreams of finally having somebody who understood what it was like to me went flying right out the window.
I wanted what she had so bad I could taste it. How was it fair? We were both slayers, same chosen by destiny type deal except she got everything and I got jack shit. That made me so jealous that I kept seeing red everywhere I looked. I saw so much red that I stopped seeing anything else. All these wicked secret Scooby meetings that nobody ever bothered to fill me in on, B didn't wanna share her life with me and I was gonna have to get that real quick. So I did, I got it and if I couldn't stand with her I'd stand against her. Easy as that.
I don't really get jealous anymore. Mostly cause I don't do the pals thing, I don't hang with people, or make connections. The only connection I got is to a vampire who's got bigger problems than me to deal with right now. I can't let myself get jealous about that, cause if I did I'd turn against him too and I swore to myself I'd never turn on Angel.
I get jealous when I feel left out, so these days I just leave myself out. Solves the problem before it even starts.
Muse: Faith Lehane
Fandom: BtVS/Ats
Word Count: 534