Muse Manifesto - Prompt 6 - Who do you love?
((FIRMLY LOCKED FROM ADAM, and from all in game use by players. OOC comments only, please and thank you.))
I love Adam.
Sounds simple, doesn't it? I love my husband, the man who has been my strength and my light for the last decade or more. I love his courage. I love his willingness to put his entire life and world on the line to help me...to save me. I love his snark. I love his eyes and I love the way he smiles. I love his heart and mind, and I love his determination, even when we seem to be at cross purposes.
That might surprise some. People who have watched me lately, seen me fighting and struggling. I know how it seems. I know what people think. I'm unaware. Selfish. Ungrateful. Bitch. Pushing him away. Driving him away. Not seeing everything he's done, everything they have done for me. Discounting his affection. Being cold and cruel and even mean to the one man who has stood by me more than anyone, and who has done so much to ensure my safety and to prove his love for me. Throwing away the sacrifices he and his spouse and lover have made for me.
But I know. I see. I feel it. I feel his pain and I feel how much pressure he's under from so many sides. I've talked, late into the night, with Duncan and with Joe. I'm not blind. Not stupid. Not a monster. I stopped taking the drugs. I never really took that much, you know. I'm not an idiot. There is a method, beneath all of the madness. One slice into my soul, one carving away of who I am. It's all for a good cause. It's all for a future, though the present is brutally hard.
Sacrifices are large, or sometimes small. But love demands them. He's made so many, and now it's my turn to step up and make mine. Bit by bit, cut by cut, I can do this. I can find a way to keep my promise not to leave him, but to still set him free of his obligation to me. You may not see it. You may only see the cruelty or the words that seem so thoughtless and heartless. But believe me, they are said with a piece of my heart in every one. They are said to people who will carry them to him, or even said right to him as I die a little with each one.
Every time I buy coke from Spike, and flush it after he leaves, knowing he has a big mouth and will talk. Every time I speak words that burn me, as they leave my mouth. Every time I push, or shove, or act like I don't care. Every time I throw something back, tear something loose, pull something away...it MUST be done. I have faith in Wesley. Don't you see? I don't hate him? I don't hate Fred! How could I? They are his happiness! GOD! It's so hard! But the easy way isn't the right way. It isn't possible.
Now he's gone. I don't know where. And I have to force myself not to panic, to trust that this is what the goal was, all along. Wesley and Fred will bandage the wounds, and he will heal as he should, in their arms. It's right. The right thing to do. He was being torn in too many directions. I had to do something, after seeing him that day after the fight, after Joe passed out. For every bit that I make him hate me today, he will have a better, and more wonderful, tomorrow. With them. I promised him I would stay. I gave my word that he would never lose me and that I would be here. I promised. But I have to push myself back, to a place that isn't what I want but just what he needs. A space between us. Forced? Yes. But done for him, for his life. It's the only way.
So judge me. Go ahead. Rail at me for being cruel, for flirting and sleeping with other men. For turning the last month into a roller coaster, like Byron said. Others do, and they have. But there is a greater purpose. There is a greater goal. I can handle being the ungrateful bitch. I can handle any vitriol or anger that anyone wants to throw at me. Fine. I can take it. I only look fragile. I'm strong enough to survive. Nothing you can say could hurt me now. I accomplished what I set out to do.
I love him. I love Adam...or whatever name you all might call him. I. Love. Him.
Enough.
He saved me. Now it's my turn.
I know it, even if you don't.
Alexa Bond
Highlander: The Series
782 words
I love Adam.
Sounds simple, doesn't it? I love my husband, the man who has been my strength and my light for the last decade or more. I love his courage. I love his willingness to put his entire life and world on the line to help me...to save me. I love his snark. I love his eyes and I love the way he smiles. I love his heart and mind, and I love his determination, even when we seem to be at cross purposes.
That might surprise some. People who have watched me lately, seen me fighting and struggling. I know how it seems. I know what people think. I'm unaware. Selfish. Ungrateful. Bitch. Pushing him away. Driving him away. Not seeing everything he's done, everything they have done for me. Discounting his affection. Being cold and cruel and even mean to the one man who has stood by me more than anyone, and who has done so much to ensure my safety and to prove his love for me. Throwing away the sacrifices he and his spouse and lover have made for me.
But I know. I see. I feel it. I feel his pain and I feel how much pressure he's under from so many sides. I've talked, late into the night, with Duncan and with Joe. I'm not blind. Not stupid. Not a monster. I stopped taking the drugs. I never really took that much, you know. I'm not an idiot. There is a method, beneath all of the madness. One slice into my soul, one carving away of who I am. It's all for a good cause. It's all for a future, though the present is brutally hard.
Sacrifices are large, or sometimes small. But love demands them. He's made so many, and now it's my turn to step up and make mine. Bit by bit, cut by cut, I can do this. I can find a way to keep my promise not to leave him, but to still set him free of his obligation to me. You may not see it. You may only see the cruelty or the words that seem so thoughtless and heartless. But believe me, they are said with a piece of my heart in every one. They are said to people who will carry them to him, or even said right to him as I die a little with each one.
Every time I buy coke from Spike, and flush it after he leaves, knowing he has a big mouth and will talk. Every time I speak words that burn me, as they leave my mouth. Every time I push, or shove, or act like I don't care. Every time I throw something back, tear something loose, pull something away...it MUST be done. I have faith in Wesley. Don't you see? I don't hate him? I don't hate Fred! How could I? They are his happiness! GOD! It's so hard! But the easy way isn't the right way. It isn't possible.
Now he's gone. I don't know where. And I have to force myself not to panic, to trust that this is what the goal was, all along. Wesley and Fred will bandage the wounds, and he will heal as he should, in their arms. It's right. The right thing to do. He was being torn in too many directions. I had to do something, after seeing him that day after the fight, after Joe passed out. For every bit that I make him hate me today, he will have a better, and more wonderful, tomorrow. With them. I promised him I would stay. I gave my word that he would never lose me and that I would be here. I promised. But I have to push myself back, to a place that isn't what I want but just what he needs. A space between us. Forced? Yes. But done for him, for his life. It's the only way.
So judge me. Go ahead. Rail at me for being cruel, for flirting and sleeping with other men. For turning the last month into a roller coaster, like Byron said. Others do, and they have. But there is a greater purpose. There is a greater goal. I can handle being the ungrateful bitch. I can handle any vitriol or anger that anyone wants to throw at me. Fine. I can take it. I only look fragile. I'm strong enough to survive. Nothing you can say could hurt me now. I accomplished what I set out to do.
I love him. I love Adam...or whatever name you all might call him. I. Love. Him.
Enough.
He saved me. Now it's my turn.
I know it, even if you don't.
Alexa Bond
Highlander: The Series
782 words