How I Am Doing ItwlotusAugust 31 2010, 16:13:34 UTC
Part of taking back my power was tapping back in to my little-girl, innate sense of equality and justice. There was a lot about gender roles that never, ever made sense to me, but I learned to not say so loudly, "That isn't FAIR!" at a young age. "They" didn't like it when I would do that. At some point in my adulthood I found my voice, again, and I learned to use it.
When men didn't treat me as an equal in friendships, I turned to women for companionship. My closest, most loyal friends are and always have been women. (Some of my most vicious enemies are, as well, sadly enough.)
When the rules of dating men squashed my soul and kept me full of angst, I gradually became aware of my attraction towards women. Ten years later I am two years into a committed relationship with a woman, a relationship which lacks the drama and power struggles of my past relationships with men. (Don't get me wrong: I am not saying a relationship with a woman is better than a relationship with a man. I am saying MY relationship with THIS woman is better than MY PAST relationships with THOSE men.)
It is these small, gradual steps that have let my light as a powerful woman begin to shine, again.
Re: How I Am Doing ItmuseAugust 31 2010, 17:58:12 UTC
It's never been about man vs. woman in the sense of one being good, the other being bad. Our actions, whoever and whatever we are, have far-reaching consequences. The more that one can take the steps to better one's self, the better the world will be. Historically, the majority of women have had problems with letting that light shine forth or accepting the power of being truly human. We've existed for centuries as shadows, known more for who we've married than our contributions to the world. I want to find my voice. I want to be a powerful woman. I want to know powerful men and women with powerful voices. I am learning to cultivate friendships and relationships that further that goal.
The relationship I am currently in is as healthy as the one you describe. We don't struggle with power. We collaborate and communicate, and really work through our issues. Neither of us holds more power than the other. Many of my relationships with men have been fraught with this power-struggle. Some of my relationships with women, also, but it happened more when I was romantically involved with men. I wonder how that comes to be, and think perhaps men have been just as conditioned as we are.
My friend in college once did a psychological experiment, where she dressed a little girl infant to resemble a boy and a little boy infant to resemble a girl. Then, she recorded people's reactions to the two babies. The little girl was told "You're so cute" and talked to in a soft voice and given cooing noises. The little boy was played with in a more physical way. Men would pretend to punch him and say, "Go get 'em slugger." The experiment went on to posit that our gender-specific behaviours were taught rather than inherent.
One thing I will say is that the arguments I've gotten into with male friends never turn into the psychological mind-fucks that some former female friends have conducted. I don't understand why this is. Maybe it's that women have the ability to hurt me more because I have more of an ingrained trust of them than I do men. My negative male interactions have been physical altercations, while the negative female interactions (but for the one time I punched a girl at a bar) have been emotional.
Re: How I Am Doing ItwlotusAugust 31 2010, 18:05:20 UTC
I wonder how that comes to be, and think perhaps men have been just as conditioned as we are.
My gut has always told me it is conditioning, not innate nature. Statements about how men are natural this-and-that, while women are natural that-and-the-other give me a headache. Every person is different. If we'd let people be who they are without conditioning males one way and females another, the world would be a better place on a lot of levels.
It's important for women to find their voices and encourage one another to use them. The wisdom of a large portion of the human race is silenced when we do not do that. I mourn what we've lost already in human history.
Re: How I Am Doing ItmuseAugust 31 2010, 21:00:28 UTC
My father gets angry when people talk about "men are from Mars, women are from Venus," as if we cannot possibly relate because we come from different planets. I once got into a HUGE verbal argument with an ex because she insisted that men and women couldn't be treated equally because they were very different from one another.
And yes, it is so important for young women to find their voices and encourage others to use them. When you are voiceless you have no power. When you have a voice, you have the power to record and witness your own history.
When men didn't treat me as an equal in friendships, I turned to women for companionship. My closest, most loyal friends are and always have been women. (Some of my most vicious enemies are, as well, sadly enough.)
When the rules of dating men squashed my soul and kept me full of angst, I gradually became aware of my attraction towards women. Ten years later I am two years into a committed relationship with a woman, a relationship which lacks the drama and power struggles of my past relationships with men. (Don't get me wrong: I am not saying a relationship with a woman is better than a relationship with a man. I am saying MY relationship with THIS woman is better than MY PAST relationships with THOSE men.)
It is these small, gradual steps that have let my light as a powerful woman begin to shine, again.
Reply
The relationship I am currently in is as healthy as the one you describe. We don't struggle with power. We collaborate and communicate, and really work through our issues. Neither of us holds more power than the other. Many of my relationships with men have been fraught with this power-struggle. Some of my relationships with women, also, but it happened more when I was romantically involved with men. I wonder how that comes to be, and think perhaps men have been just as conditioned as we are.
My friend in college once did a psychological experiment, where she dressed a little girl infant to resemble a boy and a little boy infant to resemble a girl. Then, she recorded people's reactions to the two babies. The little girl was told "You're so cute" and talked to in a soft voice and given cooing noises. The little boy was played with in a more physical way. Men would pretend to punch him and say, "Go get 'em slugger." The experiment went on to posit that our gender-specific behaviours were taught rather than inherent.
One thing I will say is that the arguments I've gotten into with male friends never turn into the psychological mind-fucks that some former female friends have conducted. I don't understand why this is. Maybe it's that women have the ability to hurt me more because I have more of an ingrained trust of them than I do men. My negative male interactions have been physical altercations, while the negative female interactions (but for the one time I punched a girl at a bar) have been emotional.
Reply
My gut has always told me it is conditioning, not innate nature. Statements about how men are natural this-and-that, while women are natural that-and-the-other give me a headache. Every person is different. If we'd let people be who they are without conditioning males one way and females another, the world would be a better place on a lot of levels.
It's important for women to find their voices and encourage one another to use them. The wisdom of a large portion of the human race is silenced when we do not do that. I mourn what we've lost already in human history.
Reply
And yes, it is so important for young women to find their voices and encourage others to use them. When you are voiceless you have no power. When you have a voice, you have the power to record and witness your own history.
Reply
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