Sometimes,
You gotta roll the hard six. Rolling a hard six, yeah that fits today.
Let's talk about boundaries shall we? We all have them, every single one of us. We even have to draw them sometimes. When others cross our boundaries it is shall we say, uncomfortable? The word pales actually to what it really is. All of us in our lives have crossed someone else's boundaries at one time or another. You can't avoid that if you are human. I am always reminded when thinking of boundaries of Picard saying "the line has to be drawn here, this far and no farther" and when we do that in our lives, there are usually good reasons for it. I have tried to be an "open book" to show myself warts and all to the people I care about. I have never said I am perfect, I never would. What is hard to wrap your brain around sometimes is the fact that while being open is good, some things should never be told, some things belong to just to you. In therapy you learn to look at things from a different point of view. I know I have, you may start out believing one thing, and end up believing something totally different later. (I have) Being a survivor, is hard work, being able to be something that even resembles a person who is healing is hard work too. It bothers me that others can sit in judgement of how much or how little another person is working on themselves, when they don't live with the person, don't have every day contact with them, and have no idea what their real life is like. They imagine the worst because they are not there to see the best, the in between and the almost there stuff, or to see the very bottom of the barrel so to speak. You get glimpses of those things, sure you do. But really, in the end, how can you know anything if you are not a daily witness to the life that they are living? How can anyone presume to know what another is thinking? (yes, I am guilty of that myself, and I admit it) How can you know what anyone is thinking? I don't believe we can, although we all try to pretend we know what someone else is thinking. We can empathize, and sympathize with others who have the same sort of life experiences we have had, we can imagine they may be thinking about those things in the exact same way we think of them. But, that is hardly a fair, or accurate thought is it? No.. Just no it isn't.
I have come a long way from the person I was 24 years ago, in fact I have come a long way from the person I was even four years ago when I lost my father. No, it hasn't been easy, and no one ever said it would be did they? But, it is easier than it was, it is much easier for me to say to myself, "it wasn't your fault" and to believe that than it used to be. I live with my grief and my anger, but instead of consuming me, they are simply part of who I am now. I live with the fact that I can not change the past, but I also live with the fact that the future is not set in stone. A quote I love is "No fate, but what we make" that is exactly how I feel these days. I decide my future, I decide how I deal, or don't deal with things. NO one get to decide those things for me. I decide, no one decides for me.
In the end that is what it all boils down to, I decide, I captain my own soul, and I set my own sails to get where I want to be.
Let's talk about boundaries shall we? We all have them, every single one of us. We even have to draw them sometimes. When others cross our boundaries it is shall we say, uncomfortable? The word pales actually to what it really is. All of us in our lives have crossed someone else's boundaries at one time or another. You can't avoid that if you are human. I am always reminded when thinking of boundaries of Picard saying "the line has to be drawn here, this far and no farther" and when we do that in our lives, there are usually good reasons for it. I have tried to be an "open book" to show myself warts and all to the people I care about. I have never said I am perfect, I never would. What is hard to wrap your brain around sometimes is the fact that while being open is good, some things should never be told, some things belong to just to you. In therapy you learn to look at things from a different point of view. I know I have, you may start out believing one thing, and end up believing something totally different later. (I have) Being a survivor, is hard work, being able to be something that even resembles a person who is healing is hard work too. It bothers me that others can sit in judgement of how much or how little another person is working on themselves, when they don't live with the person, don't have every day contact with them, and have no idea what their real life is like. They imagine the worst because they are not there to see the best, the in between and the almost there stuff, or to see the very bottom of the barrel so to speak. You get glimpses of those things, sure you do. But really, in the end, how can you know anything if you are not a daily witness to the life that they are living? How can anyone presume to know what another is thinking? (yes, I am guilty of that myself, and I admit it) How can you know what anyone is thinking? I don't believe we can, although we all try to pretend we know what someone else is thinking. We can empathize, and sympathize with others who have the same sort of life experiences we have had, we can imagine they may be thinking about those things in the exact same way we think of them. But, that is hardly a fair, or accurate thought is it? No.. Just no it isn't.
I have come a long way from the person I was 24 years ago, in fact I have come a long way from the person I was even four years ago when I lost my father. No, it hasn't been easy, and no one ever said it would be did they? But, it is easier than it was, it is much easier for me to say to myself, "it wasn't your fault" and to believe that than it used to be. I live with my grief and my anger, but instead of consuming me, they are simply part of who I am now. I live with the fact that I can not change the past, but I also live with the fact that the future is not set in stone. A quote I love is "No fate, but what we make" that is exactly how I feel these days. I decide my future, I decide how I deal, or don't deal with things. NO one get to decide those things for me. I decide, no one decides for me.
In the end that is what it all boils down to, I decide, I captain my own soul, and I set my own sails to get where I want to be.