(no subject)
Ha...not posted for ages.
I don't even know what's wrong with me at the moment. :/
I "binged" yesterday for the first time in ages. I think it's because all I had all day was some sushi rice that was left over (like a half-portion, not very much) and then didn't eat until about 8-8:30, by that point I was past hunger and into pain...and I tried to stop eating, but I was so sad.
Urgh. Fucking chips. And steak. Steak is fine, I guess, but chips are what I'm trying to avoid. It's because I was so anxious to be eating a) on my own, and b) in a place where I don't speak the language (Norway), and I just panicked when she asked me what potatoes I wanted. >:/ Then after because I felt so shit anyway I bought chocolate and yogurt and smoothie and ate it all. I know that doesn't sound bad but I felt myself loose control with it. And I don't want this to happen again.
I'm also scared because I *enjoy* not eating. Well, I enjoy feeling superior to myself because I haven't given in to hunger.
And my small "sensible" diet (don't eat shit all the time, basically) is going okay, I think. I don't snack anymore. And my cheekbones are showing more. Double chin has gone...not bad for 2 weeks heh.
I'm just scared I'll either a) fail and become super unhealthy again, or b) start starving myself again (when I am on business, not when I'm home, because it's impossible at home, thank fuck).
Anyway...that's all. Sorry for being so negative :/
I don't even know what's wrong with me at the moment. :/
I "binged" yesterday for the first time in ages. I think it's because all I had all day was some sushi rice that was left over (like a half-portion, not very much) and then didn't eat until about 8-8:30, by that point I was past hunger and into pain...and I tried to stop eating, but I was so sad.
Urgh. Fucking chips. And steak. Steak is fine, I guess, but chips are what I'm trying to avoid. It's because I was so anxious to be eating a) on my own, and b) in a place where I don't speak the language (Norway), and I just panicked when she asked me what potatoes I wanted. >:/ Then after because I felt so shit anyway I bought chocolate and yogurt and smoothie and ate it all. I know that doesn't sound bad but I felt myself loose control with it. And I don't want this to happen again.
I'm also scared because I *enjoy* not eating. Well, I enjoy feeling superior to myself because I haven't given in to hunger.
And my small "sensible" diet (don't eat shit all the time, basically) is going okay, I think. I don't snack anymore. And my cheekbones are showing more. Double chin has gone...not bad for 2 weeks heh.
I'm just scared I'll either a) fail and become super unhealthy again, or b) start starving myself again (when I am on business, not when I'm home, because it's impossible at home, thank fuck).
Anyway...that's all. Sorry for being so negative :/