(no subject)
I don't really know how i feel about anything right now. Wednesday was going famously until that phone call. i don't know how to be there for someone in this situation, i've never done it before, i don't have any experience to shed light on this. mostly i just eat toast and wonder how he's doing.
that's my initiative, eat toast and wonder.
i don't know if i can strike up the courage to call because i don't know what i will say, and i know nothing i can say will really make any difference. I guess i never actually considered the possibility of grief being something that words can't heal. i'm good at talking through a predicament with someone to make the negative seem like small stuff. this isn't small stuff. this isn't a 'there's a reason for everything' deal. even if there was a reason for this there's no way in hell it will be relevant at this point in time. When i see you on Sunday I hope that just standing there will be enough to let you know that i care. i won't engage in polite conversation, i won't ask you how you are, i know how you are. i will just 'be'. and i know that there are armfuls of others who will be there just to 'be' for you.
there's no use making sense out of the bigger plan right now. if God's up there, i hope He was responsible, because otherwise i can't conceive of how this can be just another part of life, that we have to sit back and take without question.
that's my initiative, eat toast and wonder.
i don't know if i can strike up the courage to call because i don't know what i will say, and i know nothing i can say will really make any difference. I guess i never actually considered the possibility of grief being something that words can't heal. i'm good at talking through a predicament with someone to make the negative seem like small stuff. this isn't small stuff. this isn't a 'there's a reason for everything' deal. even if there was a reason for this there's no way in hell it will be relevant at this point in time. When i see you on Sunday I hope that just standing there will be enough to let you know that i care. i won't engage in polite conversation, i won't ask you how you are, i know how you are. i will just 'be'. and i know that there are armfuls of others who will be there just to 'be' for you.
there's no use making sense out of the bigger plan right now. if God's up there, i hope He was responsible, because otherwise i can't conceive of how this can be just another part of life, that we have to sit back and take without question.