"You are lucky. Because I wouldn't waste a fucking second to use your eyes. Not for a second." Sands scowls when El leaves. This is clearly all Murdoc's fault. "Now you've gone and pissed him off. That wasn't my fault for once."
"Oh! So it's not alright for me to use this as an opportunity to see El during sex for the first time. But your horny, black, little, soul would just run around getting his jollies off with my face?" Now he's going for the hurt. Murdoc made El mad at him and he doesn't feel he needs any help with that.
"Now that I've seen you I should be more understanding about that. You must have been hard as stone in my body. What a joke it is that you can't look in a mirror during the only time you don't feel like an ugly freak. That must have taken the happy off of it. Just a little bit, huh, kid?"
"Don't play stupid. When the last time you did anything good for anyone that didn't benefit you as well? If Stu wanted you in my body you wouldn't have hesitated. Not for a second. If you've never gotten the chance to see his face when he's fucking you or you him- and this happened, you would have been in his lap so fast you would have cum before the clothes came off. I showed a fuck of a lot of restraint with your body. I showed you more friendship then I ever have anyone. You know who I am. Accept it or just fuck off. Because you would have done it too. And you know it."
As sands speaks, Murdoc tries to stay angry, but he just begins to feel very small. Somehow, he just can't summon up the venom that's usually so plentiful it burns him from the inside out. He just feels tapped out, hollow and miserable. These moods hit, but not usually so suddenly...and he wishes it wouldn't now.
"I just wanted t'make the best of it. I had yer body and I could do anything to it without you knowin' or feeling it...and I never did anything bad!" Nothing Muds constitutes as bad. Nothing he wouldn't do to himself. Murdoc hears his own words and knows it wasn't what he meant to say.
"I know I'm ugly. I've always been ugly ... and enough of a freak to keep people from even wanting to help me. Your eyes make you a freak, though. You were born pretty but those eyes make you just as damn weird looking as me! And maybe only freaks like me will find that beautiful. So fuck you, Sands." It's getting hard not to cry and Muds can't stand this sudden lack of control. It comes close to frightening him.
"Yer right. I would've fucked Stu with yer body if he'd have let me. If I'd never seen the face that goes with those sounds he makes? That'd drive me out of my goddamn mind. ... But if I'd done it, it would have pissed you off, too! I know who you are, Sands... just sometimes it scares me or makes me goddamn furious. Mostly cos I'm the same way and I can only see it when you do this shit." Murdoc doesn't even tell himself the truth most of the time, and hearing it in his own voice is strange and shocking.
His eyes widen and he points at the agent (for all the good it does him). "You broke somethin' in my head!"
Sands was trying to punish him for making El leave. He expected hurt but mostly anger. When this doesn't come it's a lot less fun. Also he's right about everything and Sands hates it when Murdoc is right. Because the things he's usually right about is Sands. Having a teenager point certain things out is crap.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Mutts. In fact if I can suck myself off now I'll pay you handsomely." He chews on the inside of his cheek thinking about everything else. "You're not ugly. At least I don't think so. I never did." But he'll sure use Mud's own low self esteem against him. "And you're right. About everything."
Does Murdoc think he's beautiful? He's seen Stu's black eye and it might remind him of his boyfriend. He knows the kid wants to be like him. He uses that. Sands has always used his looks without apprecciating them. It's a little like complianing about the wrong flavor ice cream in front of a starving kid.
"I would have done it. And I'm not even sorry about it. But I need to learn to stop trying to hurt you every time I-" Murdoc is accusing him of something he's not even aware of now. "What? I did not!"
He expects more yelling and worse things to be said about him. Instead, Sands actually backs off. Murdoc lets the tension go out of his body and puts an arm around himself. All of what Sands said makes him feel better, but one bit stands out.
"You really don't think I'm ugly?... Good. I know I'm right, too. I still like you, though. If I hated you, maybe I'd have to hate me. .... Um...and I couldn't manage to reach well enough, so you're no better off. Sorry."
There are times when Murdoc really does think of Sands as beautiful. Maybe it's an extension of the way he's deified the man...maybe not. Either way, Sands' looks is one of those things Murdoc envies.
Muds is sure he heard him wrong when Sands mentions trying not to hurt him...but the man doesn't even finish the sentence. "I just... I don't mean to be saying everything I am. It just..comes out. And, I don't know why I feel like crying. That's messed up. I don't do that in public. I'm better than that...I stopped crying in front of people years ago."
"No." Sands shrugs. "Your ears kinda freak me out but besides that you look perfectly fine to me. I've seen much uglier. Most of them in Mexico." The part about mexico isn't true. That was for El's benefit back in the kitchen. "Nuts." He was kinda looking forward to trying that one out.
He is going to try to cut that out. Hurting the kid does nothing for him, it's just the way he was trained. Now that he thinks about it Sands always did find the 'break them down' route pointless unless you were planning to make canon fodder.
"I believe you. Maybe you're just... stressed out." Yeah, that doesn't seem right. "I was eating enough to change your biochemistry a little. Maybe diet and excorcise did something for you. Or maybe it's one of those... Hey, EL! Are you feeling weepy over there?" If it's a nexus thing then maybe El is also affected. He feels normal though.
"My ears are easy enough to keep hidden." He shrugs. "I just wish my dad hadn't fucked up my teeth. It looks stupid and I'm really used to everything else." Muds grins when Sands makes a jab at Mexicans just to piss off the man in the kitchen. Sands' disappointment also gets a chuckle. "You should've tried more while you had my body to play with. ... I can reach pretty well and my tongue makes up for the difference."
When the agent mentions eating a lot, Murdoc starts to worry that maybe he's gonna be fat from it. He doesn't need anything else making him unattractive, or making him look more like his alt. Feeling over his belly, though, he's no softer...instead, he seems to have the start of abs. Excellent.
In the kitchen, El isn't even paying attention to the conversation anymore. Once the pair stopped yelling, it became harder to hear what's being said. He does hear when Sands is calling for him, though.
He rolls his eyes and comes back out to the living room, leaving his empty beer on the counter. "What are you talking about? No. I'm not. Why, were you trying to hurt my feelings, Sands? You'll have to work harder than that. ... What did you do to the boy? He looks miserable."
El shuts up when he realizes that he's run out of air. This has never happened before.
"I'm not...trying to.. Okay, you cocksuckers. Where's the camera?" This is obviously a horrible joke meant to make him check himself into a mental institution.
"Murdoc is emotional and honest. You just said more to me right then then you have all day. Why do you people think I have some kind of personal mission to make you cry? I made it better! He's upset because he just started blabbing things like you are right now. Except it's weirder when you do it. Say something else!" Sands has no trouble keeping up with that.
This whole situation is now classified under: fucked. Muds gives up on making sense of anything and drops down on the couch. The less he says right now, the better. He sits makes himself small in one corner of the couch and pulls his knees to his chest to watch the adults figure this out.
El looks just as confused as Sands about his unexpected verbosity. He rarely even thinks that many words in a row. It's better to keep things simplified and incessant talking is obnoxious.
"No one's playing a joke on you. Not that I know about. It's amazing; your capacity to make everything about you. I'm sure I don't know why Murdoc is behaving strangely. Maybe the return to your bodies did something to him? Why in God's name am I still talking?" He bites at his lower lip and seems more than a little annoyed at the situation Maybe Sands' rambling is contagious and he's just been able to fight it off for this long.
"I've always wanted you to talk to me more. Now all I want is for you to shut up." When Sands imagined this El was insulting him a lot less and talking about sex, guns, and telling him stories about his shoot outs. So- sex and guns.
"I thought of that. But there's no reason it would make him tell the truth a lot and then make you blabber on. Not to make this about me but I am the odd one out here." Oh, wait! He's been killing alternates of Jack Sparrow. Maybe this thing is affecting him. But he's not going to tell El that. No thank you. Time to test El. The first experiment will be shock. Does El talk more or less when under strain?
He opens the sheet to flash the mariachi. Really, this is just to amuse himself and see how El reacts. He's just as likely to do this on a normal day.
The unexpected nudity does keep El quiet for a moment. This sort of thing is common enough, however, that the transition from shock to annoyance is fairly quick.
"True. You are no stranger than usual. Now put some clothes on. No one is interested in your dick right now. If the same thing is effecting both me and Murdoc, then we need to find out what it is. Heaven help us if it takes hold of you. Though, perhaps it would make you quiet. That could be a nice change."
Sands closes the sheet around his body again, smirking because he's successfully rendered El speechless in annoyance. He really enjoys that.
"Right then. I'm your only hope once again. But as far as I can tell there's nothing horribly wrong. It could be like the body switch and will just go away. But if we wander about in the nexus then who knows what will happen? I think we should all stay put. Mutts? Weigh in on this."
Murdoc was enjoying watching them. Or, at least, trying to enjoy it. It was so funny watching them bicker and yet it didn't help his mood at all, really.
"I don't wanna go to the nexus like this. They ask too many questions. It'll probably just go away, right? So..I wanna go home. Gimme a PINpoint or somethin...please? I just want to go home. I'm tired of being here and right now I'm afraid of what I'll say."
Sands doesn't like this plan. "Next time I ask for your opinion just say, 'Whatever you think, boss'. I'd rather you stay here when things are fucking up. If it gets too bad I'm fucking off to Mexico and I haven't got the time to find you first. El agrees with me, he just doesn't want to speak."
Sands scowls when El leaves. This is clearly all Murdoc's fault.
"Now you've gone and pissed him off. That wasn't my fault for once."
"Oh! So it's not alright for me to use this as an opportunity to see El during sex for the first time. But your horny, black, little, soul would just run around getting his jollies off with my face?"
Now he's going for the hurt. Murdoc made El mad at him and he doesn't feel he needs any help with that.
"Now that I've seen you I should be more understanding about that. You must have been hard as stone in my body. What a joke it is that you can't look in a mirror during the only time you don't feel like an ugly freak. That must have taken the happy off of it. Just a little bit, huh, kid?"
"Don't play stupid. When the last time you did anything good for anyone that didn't benefit you as well? If Stu wanted you in my body you wouldn't have hesitated. Not for a second. If you've never gotten the chance to see his face when he's fucking you or you him- and this happened, you would have been in his lap so fast you would have cum before the clothes came off. I showed a fuck of a lot of restraint with your body. I showed you more friendship then I ever have anyone. You know who I am. Accept it or just fuck off. Because you would have done it too. And you know it."
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"I just wanted t'make the best of it. I had yer body and I could do anything to it without you knowin' or feeling it...and I never did anything bad!"
Nothing Muds constitutes as bad. Nothing he wouldn't do to himself. Murdoc hears his own words and knows it wasn't what he meant to say.
"I know I'm ugly. I've always been ugly ... and enough of a freak to keep people from even wanting to help me. Your eyes make you a freak, though. You were born pretty but those eyes make you just as damn weird looking as me! And maybe only freaks like me will find that beautiful. So fuck you, Sands."
It's getting hard not to cry and Muds can't stand this sudden lack of control. It comes close to frightening him.
"Yer right. I would've fucked Stu with yer body if he'd have let me. If I'd never seen the face that goes with those sounds he makes? That'd drive me out of my goddamn mind. ... But if I'd done it, it would have pissed you off, too! I know who you are, Sands... just sometimes it scares me or makes me goddamn furious. Mostly cos I'm the same way and I can only see it when you do this shit."
Murdoc doesn't even tell himself the truth most of the time, and hearing it in his own voice is strange and shocking.
His eyes widen and he points at the agent (for all the good it does him).
"You broke somethin' in my head!"
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"You didn't do anything wrong, Mutts. In fact if I can suck myself off now I'll pay you handsomely." He chews on the inside of his cheek thinking about everything else.
"You're not ugly. At least I don't think so. I never did."
But he'll sure use Mud's own low self esteem against him.
"And you're right. About everything."
Does Murdoc think he's beautiful? He's seen Stu's black eye and it might remind him of his boyfriend. He knows the kid wants to be like him. He uses that. Sands has always used his looks without apprecciating them. It's a little like complianing about the wrong flavor ice cream in front of a starving kid.
"I would have done it. And I'm not even sorry about it. But I need to learn to stop trying to hurt you every time I-" Murdoc is accusing him of something he's not even aware of now.
"What? I did not!"
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"You really don't think I'm ugly?... Good. I know I'm right, too. I still like you, though. If I hated you, maybe I'd have to hate me. .... Um...and I couldn't manage to reach well enough, so you're no better off. Sorry."
There are times when Murdoc really does think of Sands as beautiful. Maybe it's an extension of the way he's deified the man...maybe not. Either way, Sands' looks is one of those things Murdoc envies.
Muds is sure he heard him wrong when Sands mentions trying not to hurt him...but the man doesn't even finish the sentence.
"I just... I don't mean to be saying everything I am. It just..comes out. And, I don't know why I feel like crying. That's messed up. I don't do that in public. I'm better than that...I stopped crying in front of people years ago."
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"Your ears kinda freak me out but besides that you look perfectly fine to me. I've seen much uglier. Most of them in Mexico."
The part about mexico isn't true. That was for El's benefit back in the kitchen.
"Nuts." He was kinda looking forward to trying that one out.
He is going to try to cut that out. Hurting the kid does nothing for him, it's just the way he was trained. Now that he thinks about it Sands always did find the 'break them down' route pointless unless you were planning to make canon fodder.
"I believe you. Maybe you're just... stressed out." Yeah, that doesn't seem right.
"I was eating enough to change your biochemistry a little. Maybe diet and excorcise did something for you. Or maybe it's one of those... Hey, EL! Are you feeling weepy over there?"
If it's a nexus thing then maybe El is also affected. He feels normal though.
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Muds grins when Sands makes a jab at Mexicans just to piss off the man in the kitchen. Sands' disappointment also gets a chuckle.
"You should've tried more while you had my body to play with. ... I can reach pretty well and my tongue makes up for the difference."
When the agent mentions eating a lot, Murdoc starts to worry that maybe he's gonna be fat from it. He doesn't need anything else making him unattractive, or making him look more like his alt. Feeling over his belly, though, he's no softer...instead, he seems to have the start of abs. Excellent.
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He rolls his eyes and comes back out to the living room, leaving his empty beer on the counter.
"What are you talking about? No. I'm not. Why, were you trying to hurt my feelings, Sands? You'll have to work harder than that. ... What did you do to the boy? He looks miserable."
El shuts up when he realizes that he's run out of air. This has never happened before.
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"I'm not...trying to.. Okay, you cocksuckers. Where's the camera?" This is obviously a horrible joke meant to make him check himself into a mental institution.
"Murdoc is emotional and honest. You just said more to me right then then you have all day. Why do you people think I have some kind of personal mission to make you cry? I made it better! He's upset because he just started blabbing things like you are right now. Except it's weirder when you do it. Say something else!"
Sands has no trouble keeping up with that.
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"No one's playing a joke on you. Not that I know about. It's amazing; your capacity to make everything about you. I'm sure I don't know why Murdoc is behaving strangely. Maybe the return to your bodies did something to him? Why in God's name am I still talking?"
He bites at his lower lip and seems more than a little annoyed at the situation Maybe Sands' rambling is contagious and he's just been able to fight it off for this long.
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"I thought of that. But there's no reason it would make him tell the truth a lot and then make you blabber on. Not to make this about me but I am the odd one out here." Oh, wait! He's been killing alternates of Jack Sparrow. Maybe this thing is affecting him. But he's not going to tell El that. No thank you. Time to test El. The first experiment will be shock. Does El talk more or less when under strain?
He opens the sheet to flash the mariachi. Really, this is just to amuse himself and see how El reacts. He's just as likely to do this on a normal day.
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"True. You are no stranger than usual. Now put some clothes on. No one is interested in your dick right now. If the same thing is effecting both me and Murdoc, then we need to find out what it is. Heaven help us if it takes hold of you. Though, perhaps it would make you quiet. That could be a nice change."
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"Right then. I'm your only hope once again. But as far as I can tell there's nothing horribly wrong. It could be like the body switch and will just go away. But if we wander about in the nexus then who knows what will happen? I think we should all stay put. Mutts? Weigh in on this."
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"I don't wanna go to the nexus like this. They ask too many questions. It'll probably just go away, right? So..I wanna go home. Gimme a PINpoint or somethin...please? I just want to go home. I'm tired of being here and right now I'm afraid of what I'll say."
Shit. Could have done without that last sentence.
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"Next time I ask for your opinion just say, 'Whatever you think, boss'. I'd rather you stay here when things are fucking up. If it gets too bad I'm fucking off to Mexico and I haven't got the time to find you first. El agrees with me, he just doesn't want to speak."
Sands has no idea how El feels.
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