im at a loss for words (now and often)
i really dont know what to say. ive been at a loss for words often, and even more as time goes on, but now i jus ...
starting over:
I HATE HOW EVERY SINGLE THING HAS TURNED OUT SINCE AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER!!!! I HATE SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IN THESE MONTHS, I CAN ONLY ATTEMPT AT DESCRIBING IT!!! ide like to think of this as one of teh most open times ive ever had on LJ. my biggest regret in all this time is keeping nearly ZERO tabs with ANYONE. if you ever think youre the only one, youre not. at times it feels like the only person i talk to (whos not dan of co workers) is kelly. im glad everytime i talk to her cause shes the only person who comes in town on a regular basis and shes the only person i ever talk to (aside from dan). I really want to try to get contact with everyone again but its so hard to find any motivation to do it, its sickening. at times i feel like the only thing that can save ANY of my good freindships here is a potential trip over the summer which by the way, i will do as much as i can to make happen. i miss everyone.
my mood is slowly deteriorating too. everyday, i can feel myself become more callous, angry, depressed, and shallow (all i want now is money and a good career to make more). ive asked a few people more than enough if they think ive changed in any way and recently i feel like i had gotten a true answer. she told me "i put out a negative vibe". i believe it. i wish i hadnt cause before so many people had counted on my to be positive and to be optimistic but nowadays, it seems like theres no point. and my anger... lets just say mix my anger with my philosophy of "respect earns respect" has resulted in a few HS scumbag-apes out to get me and my brother.
my intrests, again, are soley for money now (and lots of movies). I HATE IT! all i care about is saving money for college and by the way, im getting none, im gonna have to pay my way. so recently when i was planning on saving lots of money by december is now ALL gonna have to go to college. i used to not worry about money cause i never liked it in the first place, but instead of spendiing it on useless crap, im just upset that i may not have enough for even just one year at a university.
[gone]
ide like to apologize to alot of people. most of the youth when ever i would loose my cool or jus not be there for you girls/guys, in general. my college friends, not to sound pathetic or desperate, but all i need is an invite and ill be there and lets get going on any FLA trips. other friends who were prtty much just freinds that i saw in HS. specially mike mayer, justin salter, lauren allen, kt martin, and josh santamaria
as for me, aside from angry/sad/werid stuff. still workin 3 days a week (some times 10-13 hours a day) and school 2 days a week where classes are spread out just right. workin on saving money mainly, lots of 'back up' dvds and even more and a wide variety of 'backup' music on my HD.
hope everynes doing betetr than i am
ps, im 19 now
starting over:
I HATE HOW EVERY SINGLE THING HAS TURNED OUT SINCE AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER!!!! I HATE SO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IN THESE MONTHS, I CAN ONLY ATTEMPT AT DESCRIBING IT!!! ide like to think of this as one of teh most open times ive ever had on LJ. my biggest regret in all this time is keeping nearly ZERO tabs with ANYONE. if you ever think youre the only one, youre not. at times it feels like the only person i talk to (whos not dan of co workers) is kelly. im glad everytime i talk to her cause shes the only person who comes in town on a regular basis and shes the only person i ever talk to (aside from dan). I really want to try to get contact with everyone again but its so hard to find any motivation to do it, its sickening. at times i feel like the only thing that can save ANY of my good freindships here is a potential trip over the summer which by the way, i will do as much as i can to make happen. i miss everyone.
my mood is slowly deteriorating too. everyday, i can feel myself become more callous, angry, depressed, and shallow (all i want now is money and a good career to make more). ive asked a few people more than enough if they think ive changed in any way and recently i feel like i had gotten a true answer. she told me "i put out a negative vibe". i believe it. i wish i hadnt cause before so many people had counted on my to be positive and to be optimistic but nowadays, it seems like theres no point. and my anger... lets just say mix my anger with my philosophy of "respect earns respect" has resulted in a few HS scumbag-apes out to get me and my brother.
my intrests, again, are soley for money now (and lots of movies). I HATE IT! all i care about is saving money for college and by the way, im getting none, im gonna have to pay my way. so recently when i was planning on saving lots of money by december is now ALL gonna have to go to college. i used to not worry about money cause i never liked it in the first place, but instead of spendiing it on useless crap, im just upset that i may not have enough for even just one year at a university.
[gone]
ide like to apologize to alot of people. most of the youth when ever i would loose my cool or jus not be there for you girls/guys, in general. my college friends, not to sound pathetic or desperate, but all i need is an invite and ill be there and lets get going on any FLA trips. other friends who were prtty much just freinds that i saw in HS. specially mike mayer, justin salter, lauren allen, kt martin, and josh santamaria
as for me, aside from angry/sad/werid stuff. still workin 3 days a week (some times 10-13 hours a day) and school 2 days a week where classes are spread out just right. workin on saving money mainly, lots of 'back up' dvds and even more and a wide variety of 'backup' music on my HD.
hope everynes doing betetr than i am
ps, im 19 now