VH-10 Vampires-0!
Van motherfucking Helsing! Dude, I walked into that movie thinking it was going to be a mindless dribble for people with short attention spans....and boy was I right! I loved every high flying, vampire slaying, smooth talking second of it! Hey, whats that over there? Anyways, Van Helsing was goddamn awesome! I didnt expect anything but two hours of excitement but what I got was a lifetime of action and adventure! From the opening music (which was done by no less than Finntroll!) to the end credits (also a work of the trolls) I was glued to my seat. Lemme get into some detail here....
Explosions! Rope-Swinging! Werewolves fighting vampires! Swordfights! Gun Fights! And for the love of all that is holy.....AUTOMATIC, GAS POWERED CROSSBOWS! Sweet shit on a cross! Allah be praised!!!!
Thats it....thats the whole movie. What more could you possibly ask for? Plot you say? To hell with you! Fuck your stupid plot fucking Dances with Wolves shit! Fuck you Kevin Costner! Dude, go see this movie, seriously....go in to it not expecting anything but two hours of action sillyness. You will get that and more trust me. I mean, Van Helsing is played by Wolverine! Dracula commands mad bitches! You get to watch Dr Jeckel/Hyde die!!! Give it away? Eat my asshole!
Alright you actionless slobber, until you see this masterpiece, dont comment with something like "It looks stupid" or "Isnt that the one with the things that fly"? Kill yourself! VAN HELSING FOR LIFE! Booyah!
Explosions! Rope-Swinging! Werewolves fighting vampires! Swordfights! Gun Fights! And for the love of all that is holy.....AUTOMATIC, GAS POWERED CROSSBOWS! Sweet shit on a cross! Allah be praised!!!!
Thats it....thats the whole movie. What more could you possibly ask for? Plot you say? To hell with you! Fuck your stupid plot fucking Dances with Wolves shit! Fuck you Kevin Costner! Dude, go see this movie, seriously....go in to it not expecting anything but two hours of action sillyness. You will get that and more trust me. I mean, Van Helsing is played by Wolverine! Dracula commands mad bitches! You get to watch Dr Jeckel/Hyde die!!! Give it away? Eat my asshole!
Alright you actionless slobber, until you see this masterpiece, dont comment with something like "It looks stupid" or "Isnt that the one with the things that fly"? Kill yourself! VAN HELSING FOR LIFE! Booyah!