(no subject)
Huhhhh transition. It's silly how all it takes sometimes is just a bit of transitional times to make me feel crazy and like I'm suddenly acting in all these ways that aren't like myself while in a level-headed place.
Another person of super sweetie + emotionally awesomeville also moving to Portland. I really value the fluidity coupled with amazing support shared with this person. And suddenly amidst figuring out changes and moving plans I felt a wave of transition-related anxiousness over hearing that this person was moving sooner than expected. Which I wasn't really expecting to feel.
It made me realize that I have been connecting with this person on a pretty intense, more than usual basis lately and have been getting a lot of support from them. And I felt like in hearing about them moving, it triggered something in my body that made me feel worried about that support changing, and also made me realize that I have been relying on + placing an amount of expectation on that person that was not typical. Which upon realizing, I felt embarrassed by. Because while [loving] to connect to this person and talk with them and process things, it's also of utmost importance to me that we feel like strong pillars of individual awesomeness and have our own lives (a dynamic I greatly appreciate about our connection).
It was weird how it just snuck up without me being immediately aware of it. I feel like in getting back to Olympia and figuring out school + beginning the quest for Portlandia I started leaning a little more support-wise onto this other person. Which, granted, I think that of course we all go through hard times and sometimes need to do that. And that is why we are community and friends and care about each other and why I love you all <3. But I think that communicating about when a more intense amount of support is needed is [important] so that people know whats going on. Rather than suddenly being asked for a lot more emotionally than usual and being like "uhhh what just happened?".
I'm doing really well, and in a lot of ways I feel like I've suddenly gotten over so much fear I had around moving and feel totally ready. I just have a lot on my plate right now to work out logistically and some stuff to process. I'm working through it <3.
Another person of super sweetie + emotionally awesomeville also moving to Portland. I really value the fluidity coupled with amazing support shared with this person. And suddenly amidst figuring out changes and moving plans I felt a wave of transition-related anxiousness over hearing that this person was moving sooner than expected. Which I wasn't really expecting to feel.
It made me realize that I have been connecting with this person on a pretty intense, more than usual basis lately and have been getting a lot of support from them. And I felt like in hearing about them moving, it triggered something in my body that made me feel worried about that support changing, and also made me realize that I have been relying on + placing an amount of expectation on that person that was not typical. Which upon realizing, I felt embarrassed by. Because while [loving] to connect to this person and talk with them and process things, it's also of utmost importance to me that we feel like strong pillars of individual awesomeness and have our own lives (a dynamic I greatly appreciate about our connection).
It was weird how it just snuck up without me being immediately aware of it. I feel like in getting back to Olympia and figuring out school + beginning the quest for Portlandia I started leaning a little more support-wise onto this other person. Which, granted, I think that of course we all go through hard times and sometimes need to do that. And that is why we are community and friends and care about each other and why I love you all <3. But I think that communicating about when a more intense amount of support is needed is [important] so that people know whats going on. Rather than suddenly being asked for a lot more emotionally than usual and being like "uhhh what just happened?".
I'm doing really well, and in a lot of ways I feel like I've suddenly gotten over so much fear I had around moving and feel totally ready. I just have a lot on my plate right now to work out logistically and some stuff to process. I'm working through it <3.