(no subject)
Hooooooooeewwwowowowwwwww! Ohhhh life heee. It is still in transition for me, and to some degree I suppose it is always in transition. I'm such a fluid little creature. Wobblobblobbley honk honk <3. But I can feel some of the more shaky bumps evening themselves out.
A new person that is for certain moving into Alamingo. Still establishing a dynamic with them, but also I feel immediately comfortable with their communication style and personality and feel at ease around them. Not to say that I haven't learned very important things from living with people who are very different than me in the past. And actually, doing so in the past has been a very healthy challenge for me, and has helped me in being self-assertive as well as help me develop a stronger ability to take care of myself. Leaving comfort zones are always good learning experiences for me.
But it is also sooo easy to live with people I don't feel challenged by or have to work a lot with to establish a good rapport. And especially in living situations, it is hard to have to come home and feel challenged on the daily. I think I like going back and fourth from challenge to comfort, and for right now I think I"m ready for my living situation to be super fuzzy and comfy and non-challenging. Time for new learning experiences in other parts of my life. Wuwuuuuu.
But I've learned so much in the past 6 months in my living situation about my own communication style and what feels good + how my past has shaped the way I talk to people today. I've had a lot of issues with anger and hostility and asserting myself in tense or hostile situations. Verbally abusive father associated? Most definitely. Probably not being the sole reason for who I am now, though.
I tend to shut down in hostile or tense situations. Which I think is why I sometimes have trouble with blunt communicators, because my body instinctively reads bluntness as hostility. Not that there is anything wrong with someone being blunt, and for many, that is simply a healing process that comes from not being able to express anger in growing up. But it's triggering for me and I shell up.
hrmrmrmm things to work on <3 I'm writing a zine about this kind of communicatey thing too. I will give one to you I promise! Wuwuufuufffufufuuf.
Oh mah gawd this last weekend was so good on so many emotional levels. Lots of very good connectedy time with many lovely people. Being careful not to stretch myself tooooo thin. But still being putting copious energy into extending myself and cracking open my heart <3. Heeee.
But otherwise hoioioi life is full of me doing lots of activities all the time. Which I am soooper okay with right now <3. Some of these things I'm feeling more ready to be done with (school) and others I'm ready to do more of (performing + extended adventures). That's actually still another transition yet to go through; from school to, errr, other stuffs. Making more musics? Trying to sustain myself but not work all the time? Sex work crossed my mind. Wowowowwwahah.
This was kind of like a mid-sized chunk of half-finished thoughts. Hrmrmrmmmm huhuhh. sometimes the best you can get is only the flour to the cake. But the cake will get baked eventually to completion I promise <3.
Huuuuf lovely <3.
A new person that is for certain moving into Alamingo. Still establishing a dynamic with them, but also I feel immediately comfortable with their communication style and personality and feel at ease around them. Not to say that I haven't learned very important things from living with people who are very different than me in the past. And actually, doing so in the past has been a very healthy challenge for me, and has helped me in being self-assertive as well as help me develop a stronger ability to take care of myself. Leaving comfort zones are always good learning experiences for me.
But it is also sooo easy to live with people I don't feel challenged by or have to work a lot with to establish a good rapport. And especially in living situations, it is hard to have to come home and feel challenged on the daily. I think I like going back and fourth from challenge to comfort, and for right now I think I"m ready for my living situation to be super fuzzy and comfy and non-challenging. Time for new learning experiences in other parts of my life. Wuwuuuuu.
But I've learned so much in the past 6 months in my living situation about my own communication style and what feels good + how my past has shaped the way I talk to people today. I've had a lot of issues with anger and hostility and asserting myself in tense or hostile situations. Verbally abusive father associated? Most definitely. Probably not being the sole reason for who I am now, though.
I tend to shut down in hostile or tense situations. Which I think is why I sometimes have trouble with blunt communicators, because my body instinctively reads bluntness as hostility. Not that there is anything wrong with someone being blunt, and for many, that is simply a healing process that comes from not being able to express anger in growing up. But it's triggering for me and I shell up.
hrmrmrmm things to work on <3 I'm writing a zine about this kind of communicatey thing too. I will give one to you I promise! Wuwuufuufffufufuuf.
Oh mah gawd this last weekend was so good on so many emotional levels. Lots of very good connectedy time with many lovely people. Being careful not to stretch myself tooooo thin. But still being putting copious energy into extending myself and cracking open my heart <3. Heeee.
But otherwise hoioioi life is full of me doing lots of activities all the time. Which I am soooper okay with right now <3. Some of these things I'm feeling more ready to be done with (school) and others I'm ready to do more of (performing + extended adventures). That's actually still another transition yet to go through; from school to, errr, other stuffs. Making more musics? Trying to sustain myself but not work all the time? Sex work crossed my mind. Wowowowwwahah.
This was kind of like a mid-sized chunk of half-finished thoughts. Hrmrmrmmmm huhuhh. sometimes the best you can get is only the flour to the cake. But the cake will get baked eventually to completion I promise <3.
Huuuuf lovely <3.