(no subject)
2 days later Orson was found in the backyard in really bad shape, which turned out to be from a blockage in his bladder, preventing him from urinating. He got rushed to an animal hospital and put a catheter in him to drain his bladder, and has been there for a week. His bladder is doing fine, but now the muscles he uses to pee are needing to be worked so they can function again, so he still can't urinate and come home. I miss that buddy a lot, and my biggest fear is that he won't recover.
This whole experience has made me remember how unfamiliar I am with death. I've never had anyone in my life that I've had a close relationship with even come close to dying. This has been teaching me a lot about grieving, and learning when it is time to keep living, knowing that is the best I can do.
This past week there has been a part of myself that's been constantly preoccupied with worrying about my friend Orson. Being afraid that he won't get better. I want to keep fighting and keep doing everything I can to help Orson. But I also want to conquer my fear of death. I want to accept that as hard as I am going to push, Orson may in fact not recover, and I want to learn how to accept death. Because death is an inevitable part of life that I am certain to experience again.
I love you so much Orson. You are so young. I want you to keep living, and keep experiencing life, and I know you are so strong and that you are going to fight for life. But I acknowledge that both your body and mine are impermanent things. We are like library books that are checked out, inevitably to be returned. Our covers and pages are impermanent. In fact, they are fragile, easily torn to pieces. But the things we get from experiencing each others' emotions and feelings, we keep within our hearts, and permanently change us.
If you die, Orson, I want you to know that the experiences I've had with you will be in my body until I die too, and I will cherish every one of those memories until my body ceases.
Get Better Buddy <3
This whole experience has made me remember how unfamiliar I am with death. I've never had anyone in my life that I've had a close relationship with even come close to dying. This has been teaching me a lot about grieving, and learning when it is time to keep living, knowing that is the best I can do.
This past week there has been a part of myself that's been constantly preoccupied with worrying about my friend Orson. Being afraid that he won't get better. I want to keep fighting and keep doing everything I can to help Orson. But I also want to conquer my fear of death. I want to accept that as hard as I am going to push, Orson may in fact not recover, and I want to learn how to accept death. Because death is an inevitable part of life that I am certain to experience again.
I love you so much Orson. You are so young. I want you to keep living, and keep experiencing life, and I know you are so strong and that you are going to fight for life. But I acknowledge that both your body and mine are impermanent things. We are like library books that are checked out, inevitably to be returned. Our covers and pages are impermanent. In fact, they are fragile, easily torn to pieces. But the things we get from experiencing each others' emotions and feelings, we keep within our hearts, and permanently change us.
If you die, Orson, I want you to know that the experiences I've had with you will be in my body until I die too, and I will cherish every one of those memories until my body ceases.
Get Better Buddy <3