(no subject)
i think it's horrible how society has equated a woman's worth/attractiveness with how much she weighs. i find myself in this constant struggle with my weight and i know that it would not be the case if society has not embedded this obscured idea of beauty into the minds of others. it's horrible what this does to someone's self-esteem; and it's even worse that it diminishes my own. what if i were 20 pounds lighter? i would no doubt consider myself to be more beautiful as would everyone else. and what about now? am i not beautiful now? obviously, these questions considering my own beauty bother me. ...and they bother me so much. i want so badly to be able to reflect this idea that other's have about beauty, but it's so difficult because i must change who i am in order to assimilate. i want to have that tiny waist, big breasts, nice/toned legs, or whatever but it's so hard to embody that. the amount of work that i would have to put into my body in order to achieve this is unsurmountable by almost all accounts. i would have to work out like all day everyday in order to make it anywhere near a reality and this discourages me a great deal. i wish that i was just more accepting of who i am so i'm not so melancholy about this. it doesn't even matter to me if others find that i'm attractive, i don't feel that i'm attractive enough. i just want to be breath-takingly beautiful... and these feelings of unattractiveness are only reinforced by others--whether they mean to or not.