Better late than never?
I just realized I never made a post about any of the new stuff on Pottermore, which seems like a bit of an oversight as it involves both my beloved Malfoys and... Queen Elizabeth I?
DAMMIT JKR, DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS
I won't even bother commenting on the "technology" entry because the attempts to make sense out of the inconsistency of wizards' access to electronics in the books are just laughable. Just admit that you were going for a late Victorian/Edwardian type society and be done with it, damn. You don't need to put out a paragraph dancing around why wizards have radio but not television.
That said, the Draco Malfoy entry.
"Draco was raised in an atmosphere of regret that the Dark Lord had not succeeded in taking command of the wizarding community" Um, what? Lucius Malfoy did way better for himself after the first fall of Voldemort than he was ever going to do as Third Death Eater From The Left. I kind of assumed he was smart enough to know that, particularly given "Ah, Lucius, my slippery friend" and the general complete derailment of all Lucius' individual schemes post GOF. I'm sure Draco thought that things were gonna be awesome now that the Dark Lord was back and all, but I assumed that was because he was freaking fourteen and not because Narcissa and Lucius were actually doing the happy dance back at home. Silly me and my ideas of nuanced character.
" It was, therefore, in the knowledge that he was doing nothing of which his father would disapprove, and in the hope that he might be able to relay some interesting news home, that Draco Malfoy offered Harry Potter his hand when he realised who he was on the Hogwarts Express. "
Look, I totally buy that Lucius encouraged Draco to make nice with Harry, but I straight up dare anyone to produce evidence in Philosopher's Stone that the Malfoys thought Harry was a dark wizard. That interesting plot idea was basically never used- I used to think that might be why Snape hated Harry, but DH pretty well debunked that. I don't really see why 'Harry Potter would be an awesome connection to have for networking purposes' isn't enough of a reason for friendship?
There's a bit about Lucius that annoys me, but that relates more to the other section on the Malfoy Family (which I actually cringed when I saw was a Thing).
'Like many other progenitors of noble English families, the wizard Armand Malfoy arrived in Britain with William the Conqueror as part of the invading Norman army.' Just about everybody called the Norman thing, but I have to say I laughed out loud at the sudden unexplained breaking of family name tradition. You know, Lucius, Abraxas, Brutus, ARMAND. I like to imagine him as a totally anachronistic fop with shampooed hair and a ridiculous accent. No relation to Anne Rice's vampire Armand, I trust?
'Malfoy was given a prime piece of land in Wiltshire, seized from local landowners, upon which his descendants have lived for ten consecutive centuries.' Pfft, seriously? Then why was it Tudor-style? Did they just give up on decorating in the mid 1500s for no rational reason? And why, I beg of you, why, do they go around flaunting their wealth if they're old money?
'In spite of their espousal of pure-blood values and their undoubtedly genuine belief in wizards’ superiority over Muggles, the Malfoys have never been above ingratiating themselves with the non-magical community when it suits them.'
...I don't really have anything to say other than that JKR has just opened the floodgates for epic Leather Pantsing. Thanks, I guess?
'The result is that they are one of the richest wizarding families in Britain, and it has been rumoured for many years (though never proven) that over the centuries the family has dabbled successfully in Muggle currency and assets.' ...yeah, okay. At least this would seem to prove my theory that the Blacks look down on the Malfoys.
'and the favour they curried with royalty added Muggle treasures and works of art to an ever-expanding collection.' Oh my god, tell me they own The Scream. Please, that would be fucking hysterical.
'Though hotly denied by subsequent generations, there is ample evidence to suggest that the first Lucius Malfoy was an unsuccessful aspirant to the hand of Elizabeth I, and some wizarding historians allege that the Queen’s subsequent opposition to marriage was due to a jinx placed upon her by the thwarted Malfoy.' Annnd this is precisely where I stop being pleasantly intrigued and run right into RRRAAAGEEEE. OH MY GOD, JKR, DO UNMARRIED WOMEN INTIMIDATE YOU THAT MUCH? EVEN *SUGGESTING* THAT A REAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FAMED FOR HER STRENGTH OF MIND AND PURPOSE WAS RLLY JUST UNDER A SPELL BY YOUR *FICTIONAL CHARACTER* IS JUST... I CAN'T FIND THE PROPER ADJECTIVE FOR HOW OFFENSIVE I FIND THAT. WHAT'S NEXT, VOLDEMORT CAUSED THE LONDON BLITZ?
'no Malfoy has ever aspired to the role of Minister for Magic.' Bullshit. Lucius wasn't helping Fudge so much as systematically undermining him.
' It is often said of the Malfoy family that you will never find one at the scene of the crime, though their fingerprints might be all over the guilty wand.' That said, Lucius was literally found at the scene of the crime in OotP, so...
'Notable Malfoys of past generations include the fourteenth-century Nicholas Malfoy, who is believed to have dispatched many a fractious Muggle tenant under the guise of the Black Death, though escaping censure by the Wizards’ Council;' So we're two for two with background Malfoys sharing names with Anne Rice characters, okay. Also, "tenant"? Malfoys kept an inn, now? Sort of going against the whole 'independently wealthy, never needed a job' idea there. And before someone says OBVIOUSLY SHE MEANS SERFS, well, serfs and tenants are two completely different things. If she meant serfs, she should have said serfs.
'Septimus Malfoy, who was greatly influential at the Ministry in the late eighteenth century, many claiming that Minister for Magic Unctuous Osbert was little more than his puppet' Oh hey, finally a name that sounds like the Malfoys of the books- but was he a seventh son? Also, I hope the Minister was literally his puppet, as in carved out of wood. That would be a lot spookier and less OMG POLITICANS!!
'and Abraxas Malfoy, who was widely believed to be part of the shady plot that saw the first Muggle-born Minister (Nobby Leach) leave his post prematurely in 1968 (nothing was ever proven against Malfoy).' Past generations? Abraxas just died in 1995, though? Also, am I the only person who thinks it would be a hell of a lot less of a hassle to just run for office yourself instead of sitting around micromanaging the actual candidates?
That's all for now, though I'm trying to find a way to put into words my uncomfortable feeling that a lot of the descriptions of the Malfoys read like old negative female stereotypes ("power behind the throne", "wily").
I swear, being in the fandom where canon is Really Done You Guys, Except Wait, No It's Not, No Now It Is, No Now It's Not is an exercise in masochism sometimes.
DAMMIT JKR, DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS
I won't even bother commenting on the "technology" entry because the attempts to make sense out of the inconsistency of wizards' access to electronics in the books are just laughable. Just admit that you were going for a late Victorian/Edwardian type society and be done with it, damn. You don't need to put out a paragraph dancing around why wizards have radio but not television.
That said, the Draco Malfoy entry.
"Draco was raised in an atmosphere of regret that the Dark Lord had not succeeded in taking command of the wizarding community" Um, what? Lucius Malfoy did way better for himself after the first fall of Voldemort than he was ever going to do as Third Death Eater From The Left. I kind of assumed he was smart enough to know that, particularly given "Ah, Lucius, my slippery friend" and the general complete derailment of all Lucius' individual schemes post GOF. I'm sure Draco thought that things were gonna be awesome now that the Dark Lord was back and all, but I assumed that was because he was freaking fourteen and not because Narcissa and Lucius were actually doing the happy dance back at home. Silly me and my ideas of nuanced character.
" It was, therefore, in the knowledge that he was doing nothing of which his father would disapprove, and in the hope that he might be able to relay some interesting news home, that Draco Malfoy offered Harry Potter his hand when he realised who he was on the Hogwarts Express. "
Look, I totally buy that Lucius encouraged Draco to make nice with Harry, but I straight up dare anyone to produce evidence in Philosopher's Stone that the Malfoys thought Harry was a dark wizard. That interesting plot idea was basically never used- I used to think that might be why Snape hated Harry, but DH pretty well debunked that. I don't really see why 'Harry Potter would be an awesome connection to have for networking purposes' isn't enough of a reason for friendship?
There's a bit about Lucius that annoys me, but that relates more to the other section on the Malfoy Family (which I actually cringed when I saw was a Thing).
'Like many other progenitors of noble English families, the wizard Armand Malfoy arrived in Britain with William the Conqueror as part of the invading Norman army.' Just about everybody called the Norman thing, but I have to say I laughed out loud at the sudden unexplained breaking of family name tradition. You know, Lucius, Abraxas, Brutus, ARMAND. I like to imagine him as a totally anachronistic fop with shampooed hair and a ridiculous accent. No relation to Anne Rice's vampire Armand, I trust?
'Malfoy was given a prime piece of land in Wiltshire, seized from local landowners, upon which his descendants have lived for ten consecutive centuries.' Pfft, seriously? Then why was it Tudor-style? Did they just give up on decorating in the mid 1500s for no rational reason? And why, I beg of you, why, do they go around flaunting their wealth if they're old money?
'In spite of their espousal of pure-blood values and their undoubtedly genuine belief in wizards’ superiority over Muggles, the Malfoys have never been above ingratiating themselves with the non-magical community when it suits them.'
...I don't really have anything to say other than that JKR has just opened the floodgates for epic Leather Pantsing. Thanks, I guess?
'The result is that they are one of the richest wizarding families in Britain, and it has been rumoured for many years (though never proven) that over the centuries the family has dabbled successfully in Muggle currency and assets.' ...yeah, okay. At least this would seem to prove my theory that the Blacks look down on the Malfoys.
'and the favour they curried with royalty added Muggle treasures and works of art to an ever-expanding collection.' Oh my god, tell me they own The Scream. Please, that would be fucking hysterical.
'Though hotly denied by subsequent generations, there is ample evidence to suggest that the first Lucius Malfoy was an unsuccessful aspirant to the hand of Elizabeth I, and some wizarding historians allege that the Queen’s subsequent opposition to marriage was due to a jinx placed upon her by the thwarted Malfoy.' Annnd this is precisely where I stop being pleasantly intrigued and run right into RRRAAAGEEEE. OH MY GOD, JKR, DO UNMARRIED WOMEN INTIMIDATE YOU THAT MUCH? EVEN *SUGGESTING* THAT A REAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FAMED FOR HER STRENGTH OF MIND AND PURPOSE WAS RLLY JUST UNDER A SPELL BY YOUR *FICTIONAL CHARACTER* IS JUST... I CAN'T FIND THE PROPER ADJECTIVE FOR HOW OFFENSIVE I FIND THAT. WHAT'S NEXT, VOLDEMORT CAUSED THE LONDON BLITZ?
'no Malfoy has ever aspired to the role of Minister for Magic.' Bullshit. Lucius wasn't helping Fudge so much as systematically undermining him.
' It is often said of the Malfoy family that you will never find one at the scene of the crime, though their fingerprints might be all over the guilty wand.' That said, Lucius was literally found at the scene of the crime in OotP, so...
'Notable Malfoys of past generations include the fourteenth-century Nicholas Malfoy, who is believed to have dispatched many a fractious Muggle tenant under the guise of the Black Death, though escaping censure by the Wizards’ Council;' So we're two for two with background Malfoys sharing names with Anne Rice characters, okay. Also, "tenant"? Malfoys kept an inn, now? Sort of going against the whole 'independently wealthy, never needed a job' idea there. And before someone says OBVIOUSLY SHE MEANS SERFS, well, serfs and tenants are two completely different things. If she meant serfs, she should have said serfs.
'Septimus Malfoy, who was greatly influential at the Ministry in the late eighteenth century, many claiming that Minister for Magic Unctuous Osbert was little more than his puppet' Oh hey, finally a name that sounds like the Malfoys of the books- but was he a seventh son? Also, I hope the Minister was literally his puppet, as in carved out of wood. That would be a lot spookier and less OMG POLITICANS!!
'and Abraxas Malfoy, who was widely believed to be part of the shady plot that saw the first Muggle-born Minister (Nobby Leach) leave his post prematurely in 1968 (nothing was ever proven against Malfoy).' Past generations? Abraxas just died in 1995, though? Also, am I the only person who thinks it would be a hell of a lot less of a hassle to just run for office yourself instead of sitting around micromanaging the actual candidates?
That's all for now, though I'm trying to find a way to put into words my uncomfortable feeling that a lot of the descriptions of the Malfoys read like old negative female stereotypes ("power behind the throne", "wily").
I swear, being in the fandom where canon is Really Done You Guys, Except Wait, No It's Not, No Now It Is, No Now It's Not is an exercise in masochism sometimes.