Meet the Guerras
I spent Thanksgiving with Mr. Texas just a few miles north of the border between Mexico and the United States
the Mexican-American family meet-and-greet wasn't really what I thought it was going to be
okay, yes, there were lots of statutes, pictures, and other monuments to the Virgin Mary
prayers to Jesus, our fathers, and hail marys before dinner
but nothing could prepare me for the amount of hugging
all that human contact!!
well .....
it's just not normal.
they hug when you come in the door, and maybe once more after that, and then when you leave, they hug you at least twice
every. single. one of them
and there are a lot of them
but that wasn't really the most unexpected part of my visit
I started to think about my future with Mr. Texas and realized that I don't really know him at all. Sometimes I think I do, but this visit showed me how wrong I am.
I don't usually hear him speak Spanish very often, and I question his "mexican-ness" when I seem him in the white washed world he lives in now. But seeing him in his home town brings out the exotic side of him -- okay, well it's exotic to me. It's sexy to see him so confident and comfortable.
but I was super uncomfortable. The only white girl amongst the bunch. It reminds me of when I was young, and in SoCal, when I was the minority. It's really shitty to feel like that all the time.
Can these two worlds really mesh together?
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when I look in the mirror I see someone who is 40 pounds and a J.D. heavier but I still don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'm back working for that shitty, abusive attorney that I thought I had left behind forever when I moved to Ohio to go to law school. When I got back to Colorado I needed a job and my two other contacts, attorneys I used to work with at B.L.O. pretty much blew me off. This is what I get for being lazy and not looking for something else. I just took the path of least resistance and now I'm in a shitty situation.
The boss is treating me just like a battered wife. He beats me down with his words. He tells me I'm cancer, that I'm poison to his office, that he would have fired me by now if it weren't for our history. He tells me lies. And I believe him.
I am, truly, a terrible employee. Just not the way he claims.
He's advertised my job on Craigslist -- and he's advertised the job that he promised me but gave to someone else, so I can only think that he intends to fire me soon. Or maybe he's just going to keep me around until he doesn't need me anymore. Either way I feel shitty every day. I look at my unedited resume and I can't even think of anything good to say about myself.
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ugh! so back to Texas.
When I met Mr. Texas I was quitting a job that I didn't want so I felt on top of the world. I had quit a relationship that was starting to become abusive and everything was looking up. It was a unique time in my life. And then I was going to school for three years. These are the only times that Mr. Texas has ever known me. But now I'm going to be someone else because I'm not doing those things anymore.
I'm in a really dark place and I don't like the person that I've become. I'm not optimistic right now. Although, to be fair, I am not a glass-half-full person to begin with.
I'm afraid that if he keeps seeing me the way I am now, he's not going to like me anymore.
ugh!!
the Mexican-American family meet-and-greet wasn't really what I thought it was going to be
okay, yes, there were lots of statutes, pictures, and other monuments to the Virgin Mary
prayers to Jesus, our fathers, and hail marys before dinner
but nothing could prepare me for the amount of hugging
all that human contact!!
well .....
it's just not normal.
they hug when you come in the door, and maybe once more after that, and then when you leave, they hug you at least twice
every. single. one of them
and there are a lot of them
but that wasn't really the most unexpected part of my visit
I started to think about my future with Mr. Texas and realized that I don't really know him at all. Sometimes I think I do, but this visit showed me how wrong I am.
I don't usually hear him speak Spanish very often, and I question his "mexican-ness" when I seem him in the white washed world he lives in now. But seeing him in his home town brings out the exotic side of him -- okay, well it's exotic to me. It's sexy to see him so confident and comfortable.
but I was super uncomfortable. The only white girl amongst the bunch. It reminds me of when I was young, and in SoCal, when I was the minority. It's really shitty to feel like that all the time.
Can these two worlds really mesh together?
----------------------------
when I look in the mirror I see someone who is 40 pounds and a J.D. heavier but I still don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'm back working for that shitty, abusive attorney that I thought I had left behind forever when I moved to Ohio to go to law school. When I got back to Colorado I needed a job and my two other contacts, attorneys I used to work with at B.L.O. pretty much blew me off. This is what I get for being lazy and not looking for something else. I just took the path of least resistance and now I'm in a shitty situation.
The boss is treating me just like a battered wife. He beats me down with his words. He tells me I'm cancer, that I'm poison to his office, that he would have fired me by now if it weren't for our history. He tells me lies. And I believe him.
I am, truly, a terrible employee. Just not the way he claims.
He's advertised my job on Craigslist -- and he's advertised the job that he promised me but gave to someone else, so I can only think that he intends to fire me soon. Or maybe he's just going to keep me around until he doesn't need me anymore. Either way I feel shitty every day. I look at my unedited resume and I can't even think of anything good to say about myself.
-----------------------
ugh! so back to Texas.
When I met Mr. Texas I was quitting a job that I didn't want so I felt on top of the world. I had quit a relationship that was starting to become abusive and everything was looking up. It was a unique time in my life. And then I was going to school for three years. These are the only times that Mr. Texas has ever known me. But now I'm going to be someone else because I'm not doing those things anymore.
I'm in a really dark place and I don't like the person that I've become. I'm not optimistic right now. Although, to be fair, I am not a glass-half-full person to begin with.
I'm afraid that if he keeps seeing me the way I am now, he's not going to like me anymore.
ugh!!