A discourse with my wife.
A thought came to me tonight in the shower, where it seems I do most of my thinking these days.
I realized I should probably tell my wife something along the lines of the following:
"Let's assume, just for a minute, that there's no right and wrong. This, of course, excludes the things that are obviously wrong as defined by our judicial system, but both you and I are intelligent enough to realize that.
And so, in this bold new world without right or wrong, all that's really left is actions themselves, and the emotions they create. Immediate judgment doesn't exist, of course, so we're left with the following: to tell the other party how the effects of an action would have made one feel.
As an example, you could tell me 'When you drive that horribly, you make me feel very uneasy.' Notice there's no judgments attached to that, you're not telling me my driving's wrong. This therefore makes it easier for me to determine whether or not putting in the casual effort to check my blind spots is worth it.
Similarly, a comment such as "I like it when I come home and I don't have to worry about the trash" will pretty much encourage the relevant behavior, without there ever being the nagging feeling of 'wrong' if it's not done.
So, really. It really just boils down to 'When you do X, it makes me feel Y.' Much better than pointing fingers, at any rate."
This sounded pretty good in my head, then I realized two things.
One, my wife would probably just tell me to shut the hell up, and that I'm too wordy.
Two, that I'm not married.
Maybe my mind DOES drift a bit too much sometimes.
I realized I should probably tell my wife something along the lines of the following:
"Let's assume, just for a minute, that there's no right and wrong. This, of course, excludes the things that are obviously wrong as defined by our judicial system, but both you and I are intelligent enough to realize that.
And so, in this bold new world without right or wrong, all that's really left is actions themselves, and the emotions they create. Immediate judgment doesn't exist, of course, so we're left with the following: to tell the other party how the effects of an action would have made one feel.
As an example, you could tell me 'When you drive that horribly, you make me feel very uneasy.' Notice there's no judgments attached to that, you're not telling me my driving's wrong. This therefore makes it easier for me to determine whether or not putting in the casual effort to check my blind spots is worth it.
Similarly, a comment such as "I like it when I come home and I don't have to worry about the trash" will pretty much encourage the relevant behavior, without there ever being the nagging feeling of 'wrong' if it's not done.
So, really. It really just boils down to 'When you do X, it makes me feel Y.' Much better than pointing fingers, at any rate."
This sounded pretty good in my head, then I realized two things.
One, my wife would probably just tell me to shut the hell up, and that I'm too wordy.
Two, that I'm not married.
Maybe my mind DOES drift a bit too much sometimes.