(no subject)
My days are so pointless i just want to wake up one day and be like this is what I want to do.
All I do is sleep all day long and daydream trying to find out what I want
I dont even feel like making the effort anymore.
I am going home again tomorrow or today I cant stand ottawa and I feel bad for saying that but I just cant
my roommates and I are so different and its really started to take notice
we do have our good times like this morning we all smoke a joint in bed but I cant help but feel strange like I am losing myself in this house.
I also went out for dinner with Dan tonight. He is so good to me and just wants to take care of me I pity him for that because I am a huge hopeless case of hopelessness.
I just want to be happy again I feel so sad all the time.
Last night at Stephs America's Next Top Model party my dad called stephs phoned all freaked out about me. I was there so I took the phone and talked to him outside for half an hour. He basicly offered me what I want. a plane ticket anywhere in the world to start over.
But now I am not even sure if thats what I want
I feel so confused and so horriable about this.
And the strangest thing is Colin keeps coming in my mind (not the work one)
I dunno its not that I even like him that much or maybe i thought I did and its so awakard around him he is such a awakard kid but i dont want to leave him again with out something happening.
I feel like his the only boy thats ever going to like me.
I just want to see him to get this whole thing out of my head.......
I love how its 1:30 in the morning and my roommates still are getting ready to go out to the bars tonight.
My dad is coming up to visted me in ottawa next week because he is worried about me but I dont even see a point to coming back from pickering on monday,...I have stopped going to my classes or getting out of bed unless its to smoke and lay around listening to much or to go for coffee with steph.