(no subject)
its been a little while since i've last posted. LETS DO THIS.
i have been trying to keep my head up. the meds are definately working, but they dont fix everything. i told my best friend the other day, "i dont think someone can ever truely 100% recover from so much self loathing" but i'm getting there. i've had some really shitty things happen to me recently, some things that were life altering, some that just sucked. the life altering bit is terrible, i cry about it sometimes, and i get really depressed over it, but theres really nothing i can do about it, but suck it up and try to carry on with my life. its making some things very difficult for me, but like i said, theres nothing i can do. i think thats the shittiest part about it.
but on the plus side, i have lost 22 lbs from my heaviest weight.
it makes me so ecstatic. im gaining my confidence back, and im slowly starting to like the way i look. people are noticing too! whenever i see someone i havent seen in a while, they tell me something, and it feels amazing, because i did it all by myself. nobody else can control how you lose weight but yourself, so its such a good accomplishment. i'm still going though. my short term goal was to lose 50 pounds, and it was actually my ultimate goal, but i talked to my best friend about it, and she said i should try to shoot farther. so i think i might, depending on how i look. i changed my mind about wanting to look super skinny. i think i'd still like to have some meat on my bones and embrace my curves. i still would like it if my legs didnt touch each other though :P so anyway, my long term goal, from my heaviest weight, would be to lose 90 pounds. its a bit ambitious, i know. but we'll see. i feel great right now, and i actually am starting to like how i look. i can wear clothes that havent fit me in years, i'm wearing a belt that has never fit me properly since i bought it.
all of this has been done by my new form of "dieting" per se. i dont cut anything out completely. i eat what i want for the most part, but if i know im gunna have something really bad, i'll eat lighter the rest of the day to compensate for the calorie intake. i usually eat less than i used to also, i try to proportion myself, and try not to overindulge. i like to be just under full, so im still comfortable, and not hungry. that way i dont feel bloated or gross, and i dont feel heavy. if i feel comfortable, i feel light and active. i like that feeling. if im hungry, i eat. i try really hard not to eat when im bored. i usually just drink water if thats the case.
i know, i have fat stubby legs, BUT, those are the clothes and belt i was talking about.
school still sucks, but im about halfway done. FINALLY. shit. i cant wait till i get out of that place so i can just get my license and get a job. fuck. ive been thinking about asking the adult store if i can work one or two days out of the week to make some extra cash...but then i will have zero days off. ugh.
oh, life.
i have been trying to keep my head up. the meds are definately working, but they dont fix everything. i told my best friend the other day, "i dont think someone can ever truely 100% recover from so much self loathing" but i'm getting there. i've had some really shitty things happen to me recently, some things that were life altering, some that just sucked. the life altering bit is terrible, i cry about it sometimes, and i get really depressed over it, but theres really nothing i can do about it, but suck it up and try to carry on with my life. its making some things very difficult for me, but like i said, theres nothing i can do. i think thats the shittiest part about it.
but on the plus side, i have lost 22 lbs from my heaviest weight.
it makes me so ecstatic. im gaining my confidence back, and im slowly starting to like the way i look. people are noticing too! whenever i see someone i havent seen in a while, they tell me something, and it feels amazing, because i did it all by myself. nobody else can control how you lose weight but yourself, so its such a good accomplishment. i'm still going though. my short term goal was to lose 50 pounds, and it was actually my ultimate goal, but i talked to my best friend about it, and she said i should try to shoot farther. so i think i might, depending on how i look. i changed my mind about wanting to look super skinny. i think i'd still like to have some meat on my bones and embrace my curves. i still would like it if my legs didnt touch each other though :P so anyway, my long term goal, from my heaviest weight, would be to lose 90 pounds. its a bit ambitious, i know. but we'll see. i feel great right now, and i actually am starting to like how i look. i can wear clothes that havent fit me in years, i'm wearing a belt that has never fit me properly since i bought it.
all of this has been done by my new form of "dieting" per se. i dont cut anything out completely. i eat what i want for the most part, but if i know im gunna have something really bad, i'll eat lighter the rest of the day to compensate for the calorie intake. i usually eat less than i used to also, i try to proportion myself, and try not to overindulge. i like to be just under full, so im still comfortable, and not hungry. that way i dont feel bloated or gross, and i dont feel heavy. if i feel comfortable, i feel light and active. i like that feeling. if im hungry, i eat. i try really hard not to eat when im bored. i usually just drink water if thats the case.
i know, i have fat stubby legs, BUT, those are the clothes and belt i was talking about.
school still sucks, but im about halfway done. FINALLY. shit. i cant wait till i get out of that place so i can just get my license and get a job. fuck. ive been thinking about asking the adult store if i can work one or two days out of the week to make some extra cash...but then i will have zero days off. ugh.
oh, life.