postsecret
being sunday, i checked postsecret for the new line of postcards.
this one made me want to cry, and i almost did.
although it probably has nothing to do with the postcard, my grandpa happened to live in new mexico. every time i think about it, i get really sad. i know he wasnt happy living all by himself, but he was too stubborn to live in a nursing home. he wouldnt move anywhere closer to anyone, but would call my grandma (his ex wife that he left for another woman, my step grandmother who passed away not too long ago) and ask her to live with him. that they wouldnt have to share a room, she would get her own, he just wanted her company. my grandma of course thought it was ludacris, and couldnt even understand how he could call her after the horrible marriage they went through together. his health withered away living there. he only lived there for a few years...
but i knew he secretly wanted to leave new mexico. and he did.
my mom told me about the police report that was filed for my grandpa's death. it wasnt pretty, my dad didnt even want me to read it. apparently, he passed away outside, they think on christmas eve. they found his body on the 26th. he lives in an open area where the nearest house is about a block away, in roswell, new mexico. the animals got to him after he died (i wont go into details, but it was pretty gnarly from what my mom tells me.) of what they think was a cardiac arrest. its better that he's gone now because he didnt seem too happy with how his life was going, and he was suffering from mild dimensia and mal nutrition. they left me his car. i dont know how i'm gunna feel about driving it, but my dad plans to drive chris and me up there once i get my license (which should be soon, my permit expires in may) and have me drive my car back home.
though we werent very close near the end, i always liked hearing his voice and how excited he got to talk to me about my future. we were closer when i was younger, and when i'm alone, i think back to those times we shared. i miss him, and i wish things could have been different for him in the end. i dont know when the funeral is, but i'm going, and my grandma is even going.