"Nightmare"
Title: "Nightmare"
Rating: Adult
Language: English
Genre: Drabble
Authors: munnoch and me, carmenmariabs
Words: 540
Disclaimer: Always thank Annie Proulx, the characters are hers, we just, in one way or another, feel them, live them. We’re not earning any money from this and are writing just for fun.
Feedback: We live for it.
Special Thanks to: brokeback1963 for her translation, her enthusiasm, her generosity, marian07 for her interest, her patience, her help and,... also to all those other friends who, in one way or another, have contributed to this text in english go ahead: tmn1966, redrose 7272, birggitt, judy blue cat,.... Again, thank you very much.
Music: R.Wagner-Sigfried funeral march.
Ennis woke up with a start, he was terrified.
As if emerging from Hell, covered in sweat and shaking like a leaf, he was rolled up in his old eiderdown as if it were a shroud. Scared, he felt he was in the skin of a man marked by death.
His whole body exhaled the smell and the humiliating pain of badly repressed fear.
Cold fear clawed at his insides and ran through his guts; it spread from the tips of his toes to the top of his head and even his thinning blond hair,…as it had been a time ago, as always, as every time that distressing nightmare repeated itself.
Without understanding the reason for these continuing and frightening dreams, he got up, dressed quickly and went out into the night. Irrational as it seemed, it was the only solution; to walk away, run almost, with his mouth wide open.
Imperatively, he needed to go out, to breathe, … he had to breathe.
The terrifying vision was irrevocably the same one.
A naked body, face down, buried so deeply in a narrow cavity that only his feet were visible, bare and dirty.
Later, little by little, due to the involuntary and incomprehensible means that only dreams provide, it was almost as if he were looking at an x-ray,
Ennis could see all of the finest details, even the most concealed.
Each dream more frightening, more explicit, with each nightmare more, more and more details.
Ennis, with shaking limbs, almost as if hypnotized, watched the truly apocalyptic images. That body, those legs, the arms, all lacerated with bruises and scratches, the anguish, the tightness of the sepulcher, the shattered and bloody hands without nails,…
Even more frightful was that face, with its spine-chilling expression, disfigured by anxiety, by panic…and by sadness. Mouth dry and full of dirt, nostrils blocked with mucus and dust.
This man was alive and, inexorably, he was suffocating.
Unable to control his terror any longer, Ennis screamed, into the night, into the air, and howled his pain.
With horror he recognized him.
Now he could see clearly.
That man, still young and dark haired. It was him, had always been him…Jack!!!
Now he understood everything.
Scared, overwhelmed, almost naked, and stumbling, he began to make his way back home.
He arrived hastily and grabbed the phone, yes,… he remembered the number, it was engraved in his memory even if he had never used it.
Dialed the number, the seconds seemed to take an eternity.
With anxiety and fear, at the first word,…
“Jack, Jack…Jack!!!”
“Jack? He’s not here anymore…”
Without waiting to hear any more, the phone slipped between his fingers.
A sudden gust of freezing wind flooded the room, taking over everything, penetrating all corners, slamming the door shut behind him, filling the house with an eerie sensation, gloomy and, at the same time, very familiar.
His body was still, cold, tense, rigid,…like in his dream.
Devastation and loneliness, late, too late,…like in his dream.
Outside, in the night, festive lights lit up the darkness, the shouts of children, laughter and candy. Trick or treat?
Inside, in the house, a cheap and dirty calendar showed the day, October 31, 1983. What happened to November?...
Tags: challenge
· Envoyez un nouveau commentaire
· 32 réponses
Haut du formulaire
heathyluv 2009-10-30 01:54 pm (local)
This was so good! Last line...ooh chills!
xoxo200
Hluv
· Répondre à ceci
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:05 pm (local)
Thank you very much for your reading and your comment.
Brief but intense, perfect.
The last line, the bottom line ... is what Ennis air question unless he already knows the answer.
Happy Halloween!
Carmen
· Répondre à ceci
redrose_7272 2009-10-30 03:59 pm (local)
Mi Poor Ennis:( Me gusto mucho. Carmen you did a great job! *Besos*
· Répondre à ceci
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:07 pm (local)
Gracias Sara, me alegra que te guste, a pesar de su dureza, crudeza y tristeza.
Gracias por tus palabras.
Muchos besos
Feliz Halloween!
· Répondre à ceci
marian07 2009-10-30 05:59 pm (local)
This is really frightening!!
You express very well the terrifying sensation
Ennis dindn't need to receive the postcard with "deceased" to know that Jack was dead, his dreams told him... this is scaring.
The final sentece is great. What happened to November?
Oh, November past before arriving...
Good writing, you both made a great job!
Lots of kisses
Marian
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:13 pm (local)
Gracias Marian
Esto ha sido un trabajo de dos, basicamente el trabajo de uno complementado con el de otro.
Y al inglés, ayudado..por mucha más gente.
Gracias otra vez por todo, por todo.
¿que pasó o que pasará ahora con noviembre?
Lamentablemente Ennis tiene su respuesta.
Abrazos.
Carmen
trekfan 2009-10-30 06:44 pm (local)
oh this was chilling! creepy and great!
thanks
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:26 pm (local)
Well trekfan…
Please excuse me for being the cause of your fright, so I hope you will have good and serene nights without ………….nightmares.
Love.
Jose.
hampshirerose 2009-10-30 09:35 pm (local)
Suffocation has always been my greatest fear and this whole story was suffocating - Jack literally and Ennis with fear, so well done, scary and also so very sad...
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:25 pm (local)
Dear Hampshirerose.
Yes, I do indeed understand the fear that you may have experienced when you read the scene of the nightmare. In fact, this text was written a long time ago, more specifically several months after a family holiday in Samos, where we visited a long and very narrow tunnel, so narrow that two people could not even cross each other. This tunnel was cut into the mountain during the time of Pythagoras.
For me it was an extremely agonizing experience; in case of accident the tunnel would have been transformed into a death trap for all of us inside.
For months afterwards, I regularly had this nightmare but with variations, meaning that I became very afraid of closed-in spaces. Taking the plane terrorized me. But being so superstitious, I do not want to think about that tunnel anymore.
Thank you dear friend for your comments.
Jose.
roby100 2009-10-30 10:50 pm (local)
This is really spooky, I have chills now.
Halloween spirit indeed!
Thanks for sharing and have a happy Halloween.
Roby
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:18 pm (local)
I regret to say, I'm glad of those chills, for us the authors, is a good sign.
Thank you very much, it's a great comment.
Carmen
Happy Halloween
annabuffy 2009-10-31 02:55 am (local)
Very creepy and very good.
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:24 pm (local)
Dear annabuffy, I feel more reassured in my fright if I can share it with you.
A very happy Halloween for you too.
Hugs.
Jose.
loreent 2009-10-31 02:33 pm (local)
Oh, no! Not my baby Jack! Not my poor Ennis in his worst nightmare? What happened to November, really? :((
Thank you, (even it hurts).
Love,
Loreen
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:22 pm (local)
Dear loreen
Although it is true that I regret being the cause of your suffering, we must however acknowledged that this is what life is all about, hard and frightful, without any concession to our aspirations. Very sorry dear friend, but we thought this was following the line of the film.
Thank you for being with us.
A lot of besitos.
Jose.
birggitt 2009-10-31 09:56 pm (local)
Oh, my god! This is so creepy! Terrifying, actually. You make me feel all Ennis' fear, his desperation...
And your last sentence is just perfect.
Awesome story, my friend!
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:28 pm (local)
Gracias, muchas gracias.
Sí, puede que la hayamos hecho escalofriante y a pesar de ser un sueño, la realidad ha sido peor ...Ennis ha sido repetidamente avisado.
Lamentablemente su pregunta está en el aire y el frio dentro de la casa, instalandose con él...
Me encanta tu comentario.
Muchisimas gracias siempre.
Carmen
Feliz Halloween!!!
lawgoddess 2009-11-01 12:22 am (local)
Ooh, scary and creepy and sad. Perfect for Halloween, and for the challenge.
Thank you so much for participating.
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:21 pm (local)
Dear lawgoddess,
If anyone is deserving of congratulations, it is you.
The idea of suggesting to write with the atmosphere of Halloween was indeed brilliant and at the same time exciting. And we are very happy to applaud you on the success of your initiative.
Love.
Jose.
torry28 2009-11-01 09:40 am (local)
How worth fears repeating over and over in his dreams so much so they became realty and he had to make that call to be sure. "Jack dosen't leave here any more." A dirty old calender remnants of a time long gone, October. What happened to November indeed.
Very frightening and above all very sad for Ennis the ongoing pain of Jacks loss.
Thank you both it was well written, and your translater as well as your beta helper.
Love ,
Torry
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:20 pm (local)
My very dear Adela
Is it really necessary to tell you how important it is to have your opinion on what I write, even if on this occasion I have had the pleasure of writing with our dear friend Carmen, who had the idea of bringing me along in this nightmare.
Although the translator would far prefer to remain anonymous, I must say that it is with her that I have the pleasure of sharing my dreams and my nightmares, together we send you our best wishes and thank you very warmly.
jose.
gwylliondream 2009-11-01 06:54 pm (local)
This was terrifyingly good. Loved the last line.
XO
Donna
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:32 pm (local)
Thank you very much.
You're very generous with your words, you make us happy.
The last line if the truth will have a special fondness.
It's a simple question, but sums up much.
Kisses
munnoch 2009-11-01 10:01 pm (local)
My very dear Tammy
It is with great pleasure that we have read your comment and both Carmen and I are extremely touched by your kindness and your enthusiasm concerning our fic Nightmare.
Cariño, you, especially, are worthy of our most sincere encouragement and our friendship.
Thank you for everything.
José.
Rating: Adult
Language: English
Genre: Drabble
Authors: munnoch and me, carmenmariabs
Words: 540
Disclaimer: Always thank Annie Proulx, the characters are hers, we just, in one way or another, feel them, live them. We’re not earning any money from this and are writing just for fun.
Feedback: We live for it.
Special Thanks to: brokeback1963 for her translation, her enthusiasm, her generosity, marian07 for her interest, her patience, her help and,... also to all those other friends who, in one way or another, have contributed to this text in english go ahead: tmn1966, redrose 7272, birggitt, judy blue cat,.... Again, thank you very much.
Music: R.Wagner-Sigfried funeral march.
Ennis woke up with a start, he was terrified.
As if emerging from Hell, covered in sweat and shaking like a leaf, he was rolled up in his old eiderdown as if it were a shroud. Scared, he felt he was in the skin of a man marked by death.
His whole body exhaled the smell and the humiliating pain of badly repressed fear.
Cold fear clawed at his insides and ran through his guts; it spread from the tips of his toes to the top of his head and even his thinning blond hair,…as it had been a time ago, as always, as every time that distressing nightmare repeated itself.
Without understanding the reason for these continuing and frightening dreams, he got up, dressed quickly and went out into the night. Irrational as it seemed, it was the only solution; to walk away, run almost, with his mouth wide open.
Imperatively, he needed to go out, to breathe, … he had to breathe.
The terrifying vision was irrevocably the same one.
A naked body, face down, buried so deeply in a narrow cavity that only his feet were visible, bare and dirty.
Later, little by little, due to the involuntary and incomprehensible means that only dreams provide, it was almost as if he were looking at an x-ray,
Ennis could see all of the finest details, even the most concealed.
Each dream more frightening, more explicit, with each nightmare more, more and more details.
Ennis, with shaking limbs, almost as if hypnotized, watched the truly apocalyptic images. That body, those legs, the arms, all lacerated with bruises and scratches, the anguish, the tightness of the sepulcher, the shattered and bloody hands without nails,…
Even more frightful was that face, with its spine-chilling expression, disfigured by anxiety, by panic…and by sadness. Mouth dry and full of dirt, nostrils blocked with mucus and dust.
This man was alive and, inexorably, he was suffocating.
Unable to control his terror any longer, Ennis screamed, into the night, into the air, and howled his pain.
With horror he recognized him.
Now he could see clearly.
That man, still young and dark haired. It was him, had always been him…Jack!!!
Now he understood everything.
Scared, overwhelmed, almost naked, and stumbling, he began to make his way back home.
He arrived hastily and grabbed the phone, yes,… he remembered the number, it was engraved in his memory even if he had never used it.
Dialed the number, the seconds seemed to take an eternity.
With anxiety and fear, at the first word,…
“Jack, Jack…Jack!!!”
“Jack? He’s not here anymore…”
Without waiting to hear any more, the phone slipped between his fingers.
A sudden gust of freezing wind flooded the room, taking over everything, penetrating all corners, slamming the door shut behind him, filling the house with an eerie sensation, gloomy and, at the same time, very familiar.
His body was still, cold, tense, rigid,…like in his dream.
Devastation and loneliness, late, too late,…like in his dream.
Outside, in the night, festive lights lit up the darkness, the shouts of children, laughter and candy. Trick or treat?
Inside, in the house, a cheap and dirty calendar showed the day, October 31, 1983. What happened to November?...
Tags: challenge
· Envoyez un nouveau commentaire
· 32 réponses
Haut du formulaire
heathyluv 2009-10-30 01:54 pm (local)
This was so good! Last line...ooh chills!
xoxo200
Hluv
· Répondre à ceci
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:05 pm (local)
Thank you very much for your reading and your comment.
Brief but intense, perfect.
The last line, the bottom line ... is what Ennis air question unless he already knows the answer.
Happy Halloween!
Carmen
· Répondre à ceci
redrose_7272 2009-10-30 03:59 pm (local)
Mi Poor Ennis:( Me gusto mucho. Carmen you did a great job! *Besos*
· Répondre à ceci
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:07 pm (local)
Gracias Sara, me alegra que te guste, a pesar de su dureza, crudeza y tristeza.
Gracias por tus palabras.
Muchos besos
Feliz Halloween!
· Répondre à ceci
marian07 2009-10-30 05:59 pm (local)
This is really frightening!!
You express very well the terrifying sensation
Ennis dindn't need to receive the postcard with "deceased" to know that Jack was dead, his dreams told him... this is scaring.
The final sentece is great. What happened to November?
Oh, November past before arriving...
Good writing, you both made a great job!
Lots of kisses
Marian
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:13 pm (local)
Gracias Marian
Esto ha sido un trabajo de dos, basicamente el trabajo de uno complementado con el de otro.
Y al inglés, ayudado..por mucha más gente.
Gracias otra vez por todo, por todo.
¿que pasó o que pasará ahora con noviembre?
Lamentablemente Ennis tiene su respuesta.
Abrazos.
Carmen
trekfan 2009-10-30 06:44 pm (local)
oh this was chilling! creepy and great!
thanks
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:26 pm (local)
Well trekfan…
Please excuse me for being the cause of your fright, so I hope you will have good and serene nights without ………….nightmares.
Love.
Jose.
hampshirerose 2009-10-30 09:35 pm (local)
Suffocation has always been my greatest fear and this whole story was suffocating - Jack literally and Ennis with fear, so well done, scary and also so very sad...
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:25 pm (local)
Dear Hampshirerose.
Yes, I do indeed understand the fear that you may have experienced when you read the scene of the nightmare. In fact, this text was written a long time ago, more specifically several months after a family holiday in Samos, where we visited a long and very narrow tunnel, so narrow that two people could not even cross each other. This tunnel was cut into the mountain during the time of Pythagoras.
For me it was an extremely agonizing experience; in case of accident the tunnel would have been transformed into a death trap for all of us inside.
For months afterwards, I regularly had this nightmare but with variations, meaning that I became very afraid of closed-in spaces. Taking the plane terrorized me. But being so superstitious, I do not want to think about that tunnel anymore.
Thank you dear friend for your comments.
Jose.
roby100 2009-10-30 10:50 pm (local)
This is really spooky, I have chills now.
Halloween spirit indeed!
Thanks for sharing and have a happy Halloween.
Roby
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:18 pm (local)
I regret to say, I'm glad of those chills, for us the authors, is a good sign.
Thank you very much, it's a great comment.
Carmen
Happy Halloween
annabuffy 2009-10-31 02:55 am (local)
Very creepy and very good.
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:24 pm (local)
Dear annabuffy, I feel more reassured in my fright if I can share it with you.
A very happy Halloween for you too.
Hugs.
Jose.
loreent 2009-10-31 02:33 pm (local)
Oh, no! Not my baby Jack! Not my poor Ennis in his worst nightmare? What happened to November, really? :((
Thank you, (even it hurts).
Love,
Loreen
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:22 pm (local)
Dear loreen
Although it is true that I regret being the cause of your suffering, we must however acknowledged that this is what life is all about, hard and frightful, without any concession to our aspirations. Very sorry dear friend, but we thought this was following the line of the film.
Thank you for being with us.
A lot of besitos.
Jose.
birggitt 2009-10-31 09:56 pm (local)
Oh, my god! This is so creepy! Terrifying, actually. You make me feel all Ennis' fear, his desperation...
And your last sentence is just perfect.
Awesome story, my friend!
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:28 pm (local)
Gracias, muchas gracias.
Sí, puede que la hayamos hecho escalofriante y a pesar de ser un sueño, la realidad ha sido peor ...Ennis ha sido repetidamente avisado.
Lamentablemente su pregunta está en el aire y el frio dentro de la casa, instalandose con él...
Me encanta tu comentario.
Muchisimas gracias siempre.
Carmen
Feliz Halloween!!!
lawgoddess 2009-11-01 12:22 am (local)
Ooh, scary and creepy and sad. Perfect for Halloween, and for the challenge.
Thank you so much for participating.
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:21 pm (local)
Dear lawgoddess,
If anyone is deserving of congratulations, it is you.
The idea of suggesting to write with the atmosphere of Halloween was indeed brilliant and at the same time exciting. And we are very happy to applaud you on the success of your initiative.
Love.
Jose.
torry28 2009-11-01 09:40 am (local)
How worth fears repeating over and over in his dreams so much so they became realty and he had to make that call to be sure. "Jack dosen't leave here any more." A dirty old calender remnants of a time long gone, October. What happened to November indeed.
Very frightening and above all very sad for Ennis the ongoing pain of Jacks loss.
Thank you both it was well written, and your translater as well as your beta helper.
Love ,
Torry
munnoch 2009-11-01 09:20 pm (local)
My very dear Adela
Is it really necessary to tell you how important it is to have your opinion on what I write, even if on this occasion I have had the pleasure of writing with our dear friend Carmen, who had the idea of bringing me along in this nightmare.
Although the translator would far prefer to remain anonymous, I must say that it is with her that I have the pleasure of sharing my dreams and my nightmares, together we send you our best wishes and thank you very warmly.
jose.
gwylliondream 2009-11-01 06:54 pm (local)
This was terrifyingly good. Loved the last line.
XO
Donna
carmenmariabs 2009-11-01 10:32 pm (local)
Thank you very much.
You're very generous with your words, you make us happy.
The last line if the truth will have a special fondness.
It's a simple question, but sums up much.
Kisses
munnoch 2009-11-01 10:01 pm (local)
My very dear Tammy
It is with great pleasure that we have read your comment and both Carmen and I are extremely touched by your kindness and your enthusiasm concerning our fic Nightmare.
Cariño, you, especially, are worthy of our most sincere encouragement and our friendship.
Thank you for everything.
José.