(no subject)
I really can't complain about anything in my life right now, and yet I can.
I swear I'm trying as hard as I possibly can in my classes, for once in my life, I'm on top of things concerning clubs and colleges, and I'm making A's in most of my courses. I got a job, so I can start pitching in for a) car payments, b) gas money, c) my own personal wants/needs.
And yet, I am always in the wrong. I'm a step ahead of what my mom wishes I would do, and yet, she is constantly finding reasons to be cold towards me and I can't stand it. I'm already so stressed out-- and its only the beginning-- but I would just like to enjoy my senior year as fully as I can since it only happens once, and I just can't seem to let it all out. Is she purposely trying to create a distance between our somewhat strong mother-daughter bond? I don't understand WHY.
I just want her to be proud of me, and my accomplishments instead of constantly criticizing me and doubting my abilities to perform, to create, to be me. But I'm just not good enough for her, and I'm finding that hard to believe. I just wish once this whole year, she tells me she loves me without me trying to force it out of her, telling me she is proud and notices how hard I work to make her happy.
She wants me to have no friends, no life, and to study study study. Doesn't she notice, I am able to have friends and a life, as well as study study study?
Why won't she just let me enjoy being young while I am? There is only so much time we have to appreciate people and life, and I'm terrified that time is running out for me to do what I want to.
On the bright side, the loneliness is starting to subside. And I'm very positive about everything. I love my friends, and I feel as though new relationships are building everyday. Regardless of these arguments that happen to arise every 5 seconds, I'm really thankful for what my parents have given me and for my sister sticking up for me, when she knows I havent really done anything wrong.
Life is sometimes rotten, but you gotta hand it to it... It's still worth the bumps and bruises.
I swear I'm trying as hard as I possibly can in my classes, for once in my life, I'm on top of things concerning clubs and colleges, and I'm making A's in most of my courses. I got a job, so I can start pitching in for a) car payments, b) gas money, c) my own personal wants/needs.
And yet, I am always in the wrong. I'm a step ahead of what my mom wishes I would do, and yet, she is constantly finding reasons to be cold towards me and I can't stand it. I'm already so stressed out-- and its only the beginning-- but I would just like to enjoy my senior year as fully as I can since it only happens once, and I just can't seem to let it all out. Is she purposely trying to create a distance between our somewhat strong mother-daughter bond? I don't understand WHY.
I just want her to be proud of me, and my accomplishments instead of constantly criticizing me and doubting my abilities to perform, to create, to be me. But I'm just not good enough for her, and I'm finding that hard to believe. I just wish once this whole year, she tells me she loves me without me trying to force it out of her, telling me she is proud and notices how hard I work to make her happy.
She wants me to have no friends, no life, and to study study study. Doesn't she notice, I am able to have friends and a life, as well as study study study?
Why won't she just let me enjoy being young while I am? There is only so much time we have to appreciate people and life, and I'm terrified that time is running out for me to do what I want to.
On the bright side, the loneliness is starting to subside. And I'm very positive about everything. I love my friends, and I feel as though new relationships are building everyday. Regardless of these arguments that happen to arise every 5 seconds, I'm really thankful for what my parents have given me and for my sister sticking up for me, when she knows I havent really done anything wrong.
Life is sometimes rotten, but you gotta hand it to it... It's still worth the bumps and bruises.