daily american history notes

[munkiejunkie72]

so i have finally figured it out. me, my problems, everything that has been bugging me ever. i'm so happy right now. if i wanted a boyfriend, i could have one with the snap of my fingers, so easily. but i'm not gonna jump at a boy just to have a title. right now was a time for me to figure out myself and my wants and needs and priorities. i'm not gonna be with someone 'just to have a boyfriend' and i'm not forcing my feelings on someone and force it into love. yeah, love comes with time and you can eventually think you 'love' someone once you spend enough time with them, or not even think, you probably can. that's not what i'm looking for. i just want someone perfect for me, well perfect isn't a good word. i want someone with imperfections and faults, someone human, someone who knows themselves, and knows me. i just want someone like me, who is really good for me, who shares my likes and someone i can share my dreams with. someone i get along with. and yeah some people fit that, and not that i have qualifications, but i could lie to myself and say that i work with them just to 'have a boyfriend'. because honestly, you know who you work with and who you don't. it's kind of like those unexplainable things, even if you have opposing views or are the same person, you can click or not click. i'm not necessarily saying i'm 'searching' for this person, i'm just waiting for the right moment to be with someone who's good for me. and you know what, i'm totally fine waiting until that moment comes around. and that moment could be tonight or in a week or month. and not saying i'm looking or waiting for 'mr. right' at 16 (almost 17!), that would be ridiculous and far fetched, but i'm not gonna do something because some people think you always need a boyfriend, well newsflash you don't. not saying that i don't have guy interests, yeah i have lots of interests. i 'dislike' very few people and sometimes it is fun to have a fling, but just not for me. random hook ups are just kind of pointless. i have so much love to give and i'm so fine being picky because i don't want to waste that on just anyone. i just want something special that feels right and good. it just frustrates me when people who don't get any feel the need to express when a boy like 'waves' at them or something. like if people only knew what went on in my life. i choose to keep things to myself because i don't feel the need to verbalize them. i like having secrets and i like keeping some of my feelings to myself. tons of things go on with me and maybe that's why i went through that phase so fast and maybe people my age should be interested in always having a boyfriend and getting stoked when a boy waves at me, but probably not. that just seems so little to me. i've grew up liking hanging out with guys a little more than girls when everyone went through the catty stage. boys are less drama, they're real, and just honest, no bullshit. i understand them, maybe that's why i'm like the way i am and i'm strong enough to be on my own and independent. and maybe that's why i have really good guy friends. i'm not sure what i'm saying, and i don't know if i can get this feeling across. i don't know why i think about this stuff. life, love, but it's crazy and why not think about it? just pretend it doesn't matter and throw love around like it's nothing? or think life sucks and it's so hard and depressing and why this and why that? ok, well everyone has the same problems, i just take things a step further in my mind about stuff like this. so bottom line, i'm 110% happy, i couldn't be happier. i'm perfectly fine with being picky about who i date and who i love because i want to be with someone right for me, not someone else. and i mean being with someone just as in dating, it could be for a few weeks or a year. and someone could be an amazing person and just not right for me. and when fate and time let me be with someone so good for me, it will be all that better. or maybe i know who's good. but that's where my life stops at this livejournal. but my life is so awesome, my friends are AMAZING. i can't wait for lsu, but i don't want to leave high school. i just love things right now. mm i love youuuu!

(thanks laine for your inspiration with this post =D do i tell you enough that i LOVE our american history notes? and that you're one of my bestest best friends? well you are. you are amazing)

xoxo rik xoxo