things
Okay, so now that i have digested some and thought about the whole stephen situation... and now that i have talked to paul at length about the situation... i feel better.
Im not okay, and im not over anything by any means, but i feel better. i just felt that i was in the pit of dispair yesterday up until about 11pm, after paul and i had talked. i think that the best thing for me to do at this point is to wait until this whole situation isnt quite the opne wound that it is now and then try to arrange a talk with stephen so we can lay things out on teh table and hopefully get things resolved enough to be amicable. i REALLY want to see and talk to him.. more then anything, but i know that it would end badly, and that is the last thing that i want. so ill wait until school starts back up again and things have settled down with the two of us, and then go from there. IM FRICKIN TIRED OF WAITING... but for now it is the best option. I just hope that after all this he will still talk to me... i love him too much to lose him completely... even if all he is turns out to be a friend, i think i could learn to live with that.
Im so jittery... i dont even know what to do with myself...
I kinda feel like im being drawn and quartered... pulled in four different directions.. all equally strong...
1. wait until january, then start trying to be his friend
2. try to get him to talk to me about things... potenially ruin any chance of anything else (including friendship) because we are both emotional and stressed right now, but at least i would get to see him
3. try to get him to come over so we can hang out and he can tell me about his trip and no emotional stuff allowed ( i dont think that this option is possible right now.. but i want it to be)
4. Call him or go to his house, call him a bastard to yell at him for betraying me
Im not okay, and im not over anything by any means, but i feel better. i just felt that i was in the pit of dispair yesterday up until about 11pm, after paul and i had talked. i think that the best thing for me to do at this point is to wait until this whole situation isnt quite the opne wound that it is now and then try to arrange a talk with stephen so we can lay things out on teh table and hopefully get things resolved enough to be amicable. i REALLY want to see and talk to him.. more then anything, but i know that it would end badly, and that is the last thing that i want. so ill wait until school starts back up again and things have settled down with the two of us, and then go from there. IM FRICKIN TIRED OF WAITING... but for now it is the best option. I just hope that after all this he will still talk to me... i love him too much to lose him completely... even if all he is turns out to be a friend, i think i could learn to live with that.
Im so jittery... i dont even know what to do with myself...
I kinda feel like im being drawn and quartered... pulled in four different directions.. all equally strong...
1. wait until january, then start trying to be his friend
2. try to get him to talk to me about things... potenially ruin any chance of anything else (including friendship) because we are both emotional and stressed right now, but at least i would get to see him
3. try to get him to come over so we can hang out and he can tell me about his trip and no emotional stuff allowed ( i dont think that this option is possible right now.. but i want it to be)
4. Call him or go to his house, call him a bastard to yell at him for betraying me