Missy Wilkinson, PI: the early year - the 14th Chapter
Chapter Fore! Tea! Knee!
They walked up to the crime scene to find that Bruce was indeed already there. In fact, he was seated in a lawn chair drinking iced tea and sunning himself. Missy rolled her eyes.
“So?” Missy asked. “Who was it this time?”
“Oh? Have you finally got here?” Bruce asked.
“How is it that you always get to the crime scene before us?” Missy asked, suspiciously.
“I am a police officer,” Bruce replied. “I do have a police radio, and they do call me to go places quickly.”
Missy did not truly believe Bruce’s explanation.
“It’s the truth,” Bruce insisted a little too much. “Wait a second… Why is the narrator casting suspicions on me?”
“Perhaps he’s tired of covering for you,” Missy replied. “Perhaps he knows that you’ve been doing all the killing and he wants you to be exposed.”
“I only expose myself in certain company,” Bruce replied as he made seductive looks at Mary.
Mary made a face, and held it out to Bruce. Bruce took the face and knew he would cherish it. This caused Mary to have a creepy feeling move up and down her spine. Bruce gladly accepted this as well.
“Who was the latest victim, Bruce?” Missy asked, trying to move the story past the Mary-Bruce couple that would later become known as ‘Maruce.’
“I refuse to have a conjoined name with him,” Mary snapped.
It was too late, though. The papers had already gotten wind of the new couple name, and Maruce was being published in a number of tabloid papers.
“Look!” a woman across the street called out. “It’s Maruce!”
“Joelle!” Mary yelled. “Don’t encourage the narrator!”
“Bruce!” Missy shouted. “Who was the latest victim?”
“Paul Fortman,” Bruce told her.
“Oh, crap.” Patrick took out his notebook and began crossing out Paul’s name.
“I thought you were done with that running joke,” Missy commented.
A joke ran past all of them and across the street.
“Apparently not,” Patrick replied.
“Do you really think anyone in the world steps into the shower before turning on the water?” Gary asked. “I’m sure we all turn the water on and let it warm up before we step inside.”
Missy sighed and walked past Bruce to see the body. “He was shot, and he was holding garbage cans, and there’s the tattoo…” Missy knelt over. “These garbage cans are empty.”
“Yes, we believe Paul was jogging with them, since he’s in a jogging suit and he actually live a few blocks away from here,” Bruce told her.
“Why would he have been jogging with them?” Missy asked. “I think these are brand new cans. Look… There’s a price label still on it.”
“They were bought at Lowe’s,” Patrick pointed out.
“That’s the second time Lowe’s has been mentioned in the story in some form,” Missy commented. “You don’t think Lowe’s has anything to do with this, do you?”
“Perhaps the writer likes shopping at Lowe’s,” Wendy suggested, “or he could work for Lowe’s.”
All the characters looked around, almost knowingly.
“Look!” Patrick pointed to a newspaper on the ground. “There’s a story about a tornado taking out a mall in Denver.”
Missy picked up the paper and read the article quickly. It was about a tornado taking out a mall in Denver.
“I just said that,” Patrick said.
“Look at the picture,” Mary said. “Across the street from the mall is a Lowe’s.”
“That’s the third mention of Lowe’s,” Missy related.
“The mall is destroyed, while Lowe’s is undamaged,” Mary pointed out.
“I remember hearing about this,” Patrick said. “From what I heard, the mall was asking for it…”
Everything started to swirl.
“Is this a flashback?” Mary asked.
“Yes,” Missy shut her up.
It happened a few months ago. A mall in Aurora, Colorado was standing strong during a storm. A tornado was approaching. The tornado was just out wandering the town, trying to see what trouble it could stir up. It had already stirred up an illegal gambling casino, a bus stop, and a small convenience store that had stopped subscribing to the best porn magazines in the area.
As the tornado approached the mall avenue, it stopped. The mall looked very tempting. The tornado had wanted to check out some of the newest shirts from Sean John. It took out a small gas station as it considered which way to go next.
The mall called out, “Oooh! You think you’re so tough.”
Surprised by the tone in the mall’s voice, the tornado said, “Look, you little B… Don’t start something you can’t cash.”
The mall replied, “I have more cash to use in my smallest register than you have in your entire hot air swirls.”
This angered the tornado. “You’d better shut up or I’ll come over there and give you something to holler about.”
“Oh, like you could even get close to the grandeur of me,” the mall yelled. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Shut up, mall…”
“Oh, what are you going to do about it? You can barely blow newspaper around.”
“I’m serious, mall…”
“Yeah? Well, I heard your mother was a dust devil.”
The tornado finally could not take it any longer. It swept over and demolished the mall completely.
The swirling happened again. Gary moved over to a garbage can and threw up.
“Flashbacks always upset my stomach,” he commented.
“See, that’s why you should never torment a tornado,” Patrick summed up the flashback.
“Especially if you’re a stationary structure,” Missy added.
“The Lowe’s probably knows better,” Patrick told them. “That’s why it survived, when the mall was destroyed. Lowe’s buildings are taught not to pick fights with tornados.”
“This really has nothing to do with the serial killings, does it?” Wendy asked.
“No, but much of this story is tangents,” Patrick told her. “Are you feeling okay, Wendy?”
“I’m fine,” Wendy replied.
“Are you sure? I mean…” Patrick pulled out a wad of money.
Wendy screamed loudly and ran up a lamppost.
“Missy, I think we really need to help her out,” Patrick said. “She’s not getting any better.”
“I won’t commit her,” Missy said, stomping her foot. “I refuse to send another person to an asylum.”
“Who else have you had committed?” Mary asked.
Missy’s eyes widened, and she took a step back. “No one…” She looked around quickly.
Mary paused. “You know, there was a few days last year after I refused to apologize to you that I was in a strange padded room. I thought it was all a dream, but…”
Missy shook her head. “I would never have you committed,” she told her cousin, “at least, not for long.”
“Could we get back to the body?” Bruce asked.
“We need a second, Bruce,” Patrick snapped. “We’re in a pickle here.”
Mary ran off, and returned wearing a pickle costume.
“It was a figure of speech,” Missy told her.
“You’re kidding, right? I’ve been waiting weeks to wear this costume.” She spun to show off her pickle costume.
Bruce wiped the drool off his lip. “I like it.”
“Where’s Edward when I need him?” Mary asked. “I’ll go change. I’ll be right back.”
“Hold on,” Bruce called out as he ran up. “I’ll unzip you.”
“Get away from me,” Mary told him.
“I know where we can get some brine,” Bruce said as he chased her off the page.
Missy looked up at Wendy, who was still hanging onto the lamppost. “We need to help Wendy down.”
“I know a good therapist,” Patrick suggested.
“You do? Who?”
Joelle walked up wearing glasses and a fake mustache. “I hear you are looking for a good therapist.”
“Doctor,” Patrick said as he turned to her. “Thank God you’re here. Wendy has been tormented by a stack of money with googly eyes.”
“I have seen a lot of these cases recently,” Joelle commented. “Everyone thinks they will get the cute little lizard, and instead they get a stack of money stalking them. It is very bad.”
“Exactly,” Missy said. “Can you help her?”
“I can help anyone,” Joelle replied as she brushed at her fake mustache.
“We won’t have to commit her, will we?” Missy asked.
“Oh no,” Joelle replied. “I will bring her to my office and put her on my couch. I am sure she has been affected by her mother, too.”
Satisfied that Wendy was going to receive the help she needed to recover from the savings she had received by switching insurance carriers, Missy led Patrick and Gary to the body.
“This is horrible,” Missy said. “What did Paul Fortman do to deserve this?”
“I thought the pattern was that this serial killer is murdering everyone that went to school with us,” Patrick said.
“Everyone in this story went to school with us,” Missy reminded him. “I only hope we catch him soon. We don’t have an unlimited number of people we went to school with.”
“That’s true. Eventually, the killer is going to target someone who is a main character, or…” Patrick looked up. “What if he targets Joelle?”
“If anything happens to her, we would lose all the extra characters!” Missy agreed with him.
“Officer!” Bruce snapped his fingers at one of the plains-clothed officers. When she walked up, he added, “We need you to put a 24-7 surveillance on Joelle.”
The officer lifted up her hat to show that she was Joelle. “I am Joelle.”
“And your point?” Bruce asked. “Are you saying you can’t handle a 24-7 surveillance? Do I need to get someone else to do it?”
“But I AM Joelle.”
“If you can’t do a simple surveillance, then you shouldn’t be wearing that uniform,” Bruce told her.
“Okay… Okay… I’ll do it.” Joelle looked around, and then pulled out a full length mirror and looked at herself in it. “Surveillance has begun.”
“Good,” Bruce told her.
“You know, I’ve always wondered why MapQuest doesn’t start its directions on number five. I’ve always found that I can get out of my own neighborhood without any directions necessary.”
Missy jumped. “Gary? How long have you been standing there?”
“I’ve been here the whole time,” Gary told her. “This is the problem!”
Mary ran back to them, and she was wearing normal clothes. “Missy! I need you to come with me.”
“What? We’re in the middle of a case here, Mary.”
“Missy, I need your help. I think Edward is with another woman, and I want to make sure he’s not.”
“Mary…”
“Please, Missy. If he’s with another woman, I’m going to end up with Bruce. You know this story is going to have some kind of happy ending, even if it’s only happy to Bruce.”
Missy sighed. “Okay, there aren’t any new leads here, anyway. I suppose I can go with you. Where are we going?”
Mary pulled her away.
Seeing this, Patrick called out, “Where are you going?”
“Just continue with what you’re doing,” Missy called back. “I’ll be back to check your progress later.”
Gary looked over to him. “She gets really bossy sometimes.”
“It is her story,” Patrick reminded him.
Meanwhile, Mary had convinced Missy to dress up in black, put on black wigs, and wear thick make-up. Mary pulled her along, and they entered a basement club.
“Where are we?” Missy asked as she tried to walk on the very high heels.
“This is a Goth bar,” Mary replied. “Edward was down here… I know it.”
“We could have just come down here in our normal dress,” Missy told her. “Goth bars aren’t as strict as they used to be. They don’t throw out people just because they aren’t wearing black.”
A bouncer in black leather chaps was carrying a guy wearing bright yellow clothing up the stairs, and he threw the guy out. “Don’t come back until you’re dressed in black!” the bouncer called out.
Mary looked at Missy with a very smug look.
“Nobody likes a smug Goth, Mary,” Missy told her.
They walked across the room and saw Edward seated at the bar. He was drinking a red liquid. As they moved to where Mary could watch him, they saw a woman walk up to him. Mary stood, ready to burst into tears.
The woman leaned forward, but Edward said, “Sorry, but I don’t want to dance. I am in love with a woman named Mary.”
The woman walked away.
Mary smiled wide and began to hop.
“Tone it down,” Missy said as she looked around the room. “No one likes a perky Goth, either.”
Mary ran up to Edward. “Hey, stranger,” she said.
Edward looked at her. “Mary? What are you doing here?”
“We’re on a case,” Mary told him. “I saw you here, so I thought I’d come over.”
“We can’t be seen together here,” Edward told her. “It’s for your own protection.”
“Why?” Mary asked.
“I love you immensely, Mary,” Edward told her. He went to turn his barstool, and fell off it, slamming to the ground. As Mary helped him up, he said, “There are forces that would use that against me. We must keep our love secret until I am able to get away from those forces.”
“I’m a doctor,” Mary told him. “I can help you fight off forces.”
“I’m her cousin,” Missy added. “I can use the force for good.”
A man across the room stood up, throwing his table away. Everyone in the bar fell silent as the man, dressed completely in a black outfit and wearing a black mask, walked across the bar. “Missy, I am your father,” he called out.
Missy paused, about to scream, but then she shook her head. “No, you’re not.” She threw a glass filled with whiskey at the masked man.
He screamed as the glass hit him and shattered, spilling the whiskey all over his outfit. “Are you insane? You know what alcohol does to leather?” He grabbed some napkins and ran off, dabbing the whiskey.
“I know you want to help,” Edward told Mary, “but I need to do this on my own. Don’t worry, I will have everything solved so that we can be together by the end of the story. I know there’s going to be a happy ending, and I want it to be yours.”
Mary giggled.
“Come on, Mary,” Missy said as she pulled her. “And stop giggling. Nobody likes a giddy Goth.”
It took them a few minutes to wipe off the make-up and rejoin the others. Mary was still extremely happy, and this caused Bruce to turn sour.
“So, what did you accomplish while we were gone?” Missy asked.
“Well, the coroner came and took Paul’s body away,” Patrick told her. “He said Paul was in excellent shape and I believe his body is going to be donated to one of those exhibits where they remove all the skin and show the muscle and bones…”
“Okay, ew!” Mary called out.
“I meant with the case,” Missy explained.
“And ew!” Mary said.
“Nothing new on the case,” Patrick replied. “Gary has been very helpful, though. You missed all the great things he did while you two were gone.”
“While the story wasn’t focused on us,” Gary commented.
“You’re my husband, now,” Missy said. “You’re expected to do great things.”
“Oh, thanks,” Gary replied. “Have you ever wondered how much more interesting obituaries would be if they explained how the person died?”
Missy ignored him. “This is getting really frustrating. How are we going to solve these murders? All the clues are in front of us.” She motioned to the table full of props. “They just don’t all add up.”
“None of them add,” Mary agreed. “All we need is one calculator…”
“If I had my time machine, we could go back in time to the first murder and see who did it,” Patrick commented.
“What?” Missy asked.
“I wish my time machine was here,” Patrick replied. “We could go back in time and see who did it.”
“You’ve had a time machine this whole story, and this is the first mention of it?” Missy asked.
“You didn’t bring me into the story until chapter eight,” Patrick told her. “Even then, I’m not supposed to be in this story.”
“Well, you’re an integral part of it now,” Missy snapped. “Where is your time machine?”
“I’m not sure,” he replied as he looked at his watch.
A dark blue Plymouth Horizon appeared out of thin air. Lightning crackled around it and the air smelled like ozone.
“Oh, there it is,” Patrick told them.
The doors opened and Julie and her mother stepped out of the car. Julie looked out of breath, and her mother appeared slightly disheveled as well. Missy walked up to them.
“Julie?” Missy asked. “What are you doing?”
“Mom and I were having trouble believing the whole story about Mary and Brendan Fraser,” Julie explained. “We decided to take Patrick’s time machine and go back in time to check it out.”
“Yes,” Julie’s mother said. “She was telling the truth. We saw it all before we had to flee.”
“Well, of course it is all true,” Mary said.
“No, I meant, what are you doing in the story?” Missy asked. “You and your mother never went to school with us. You’re appearance may destroy the integrity of this story.”
“Oh, we were only a plot device anyway,” Julie commented. “Here’s Patrick’s time machine.”
Mary looked at the car. “You made a time machine out of a dark blue Plymouth Horizon?”
“Hatchback, yeah,” Patrick said proudly.
Mary shook her head. “Missy, I’m not sure I can be seen in a Plymouth Horizon. It could drastically affect my popularity ratings.”
“Grab the pug and get in the car, Mary,” Missy ordered as she grabbed Gary. “We’re going to go back in time and find out who is behind all this.”
“Good luck!” Julie’s mother called out as she and Julie waved at them.
They walked up to the crime scene to find that Bruce was indeed already there. In fact, he was seated in a lawn chair drinking iced tea and sunning himself. Missy rolled her eyes.
“So?” Missy asked. “Who was it this time?”
“Oh? Have you finally got here?” Bruce asked.
“How is it that you always get to the crime scene before us?” Missy asked, suspiciously.
“I am a police officer,” Bruce replied. “I do have a police radio, and they do call me to go places quickly.”
Missy did not truly believe Bruce’s explanation.
“It’s the truth,” Bruce insisted a little too much. “Wait a second… Why is the narrator casting suspicions on me?”
“Perhaps he’s tired of covering for you,” Missy replied. “Perhaps he knows that you’ve been doing all the killing and he wants you to be exposed.”
“I only expose myself in certain company,” Bruce replied as he made seductive looks at Mary.
Mary made a face, and held it out to Bruce. Bruce took the face and knew he would cherish it. This caused Mary to have a creepy feeling move up and down her spine. Bruce gladly accepted this as well.
“Who was the latest victim, Bruce?” Missy asked, trying to move the story past the Mary-Bruce couple that would later become known as ‘Maruce.’
“I refuse to have a conjoined name with him,” Mary snapped.
It was too late, though. The papers had already gotten wind of the new couple name, and Maruce was being published in a number of tabloid papers.
“Look!” a woman across the street called out. “It’s Maruce!”
“Joelle!” Mary yelled. “Don’t encourage the narrator!”
“Bruce!” Missy shouted. “Who was the latest victim?”
“Paul Fortman,” Bruce told her.
“Oh, crap.” Patrick took out his notebook and began crossing out Paul’s name.
“I thought you were done with that running joke,” Missy commented.
A joke ran past all of them and across the street.
“Apparently not,” Patrick replied.
“Do you really think anyone in the world steps into the shower before turning on the water?” Gary asked. “I’m sure we all turn the water on and let it warm up before we step inside.”
Missy sighed and walked past Bruce to see the body. “He was shot, and he was holding garbage cans, and there’s the tattoo…” Missy knelt over. “These garbage cans are empty.”
“Yes, we believe Paul was jogging with them, since he’s in a jogging suit and he actually live a few blocks away from here,” Bruce told her.
“Why would he have been jogging with them?” Missy asked. “I think these are brand new cans. Look… There’s a price label still on it.”
“They were bought at Lowe’s,” Patrick pointed out.
“That’s the second time Lowe’s has been mentioned in the story in some form,” Missy commented. “You don’t think Lowe’s has anything to do with this, do you?”
“Perhaps the writer likes shopping at Lowe’s,” Wendy suggested, “or he could work for Lowe’s.”
All the characters looked around, almost knowingly.
“Look!” Patrick pointed to a newspaper on the ground. “There’s a story about a tornado taking out a mall in Denver.”
Missy picked up the paper and read the article quickly. It was about a tornado taking out a mall in Denver.
“I just said that,” Patrick said.
“Look at the picture,” Mary said. “Across the street from the mall is a Lowe’s.”
“That’s the third mention of Lowe’s,” Missy related.
“The mall is destroyed, while Lowe’s is undamaged,” Mary pointed out.
“I remember hearing about this,” Patrick said. “From what I heard, the mall was asking for it…”
Everything started to swirl.
“Is this a flashback?” Mary asked.
“Yes,” Missy shut her up.
It happened a few months ago. A mall in Aurora, Colorado was standing strong during a storm. A tornado was approaching. The tornado was just out wandering the town, trying to see what trouble it could stir up. It had already stirred up an illegal gambling casino, a bus stop, and a small convenience store that had stopped subscribing to the best porn magazines in the area.
As the tornado approached the mall avenue, it stopped. The mall looked very tempting. The tornado had wanted to check out some of the newest shirts from Sean John. It took out a small gas station as it considered which way to go next.
The mall called out, “Oooh! You think you’re so tough.”
Surprised by the tone in the mall’s voice, the tornado said, “Look, you little B… Don’t start something you can’t cash.”
The mall replied, “I have more cash to use in my smallest register than you have in your entire hot air swirls.”
This angered the tornado. “You’d better shut up or I’ll come over there and give you something to holler about.”
“Oh, like you could even get close to the grandeur of me,” the mall yelled. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Shut up, mall…”
“Oh, what are you going to do about it? You can barely blow newspaper around.”
“I’m serious, mall…”
“Yeah? Well, I heard your mother was a dust devil.”
The tornado finally could not take it any longer. It swept over and demolished the mall completely.
The swirling happened again. Gary moved over to a garbage can and threw up.
“Flashbacks always upset my stomach,” he commented.
“See, that’s why you should never torment a tornado,” Patrick summed up the flashback.
“Especially if you’re a stationary structure,” Missy added.
“The Lowe’s probably knows better,” Patrick told them. “That’s why it survived, when the mall was destroyed. Lowe’s buildings are taught not to pick fights with tornados.”
“This really has nothing to do with the serial killings, does it?” Wendy asked.
“No, but much of this story is tangents,” Patrick told her. “Are you feeling okay, Wendy?”
“I’m fine,” Wendy replied.
“Are you sure? I mean…” Patrick pulled out a wad of money.
Wendy screamed loudly and ran up a lamppost.
“Missy, I think we really need to help her out,” Patrick said. “She’s not getting any better.”
“I won’t commit her,” Missy said, stomping her foot. “I refuse to send another person to an asylum.”
“Who else have you had committed?” Mary asked.
Missy’s eyes widened, and she took a step back. “No one…” She looked around quickly.
Mary paused. “You know, there was a few days last year after I refused to apologize to you that I was in a strange padded room. I thought it was all a dream, but…”
Missy shook her head. “I would never have you committed,” she told her cousin, “at least, not for long.”
“Could we get back to the body?” Bruce asked.
“We need a second, Bruce,” Patrick snapped. “We’re in a pickle here.”
Mary ran off, and returned wearing a pickle costume.
“It was a figure of speech,” Missy told her.
“You’re kidding, right? I’ve been waiting weeks to wear this costume.” She spun to show off her pickle costume.
Bruce wiped the drool off his lip. “I like it.”
“Where’s Edward when I need him?” Mary asked. “I’ll go change. I’ll be right back.”
“Hold on,” Bruce called out as he ran up. “I’ll unzip you.”
“Get away from me,” Mary told him.
“I know where we can get some brine,” Bruce said as he chased her off the page.
Missy looked up at Wendy, who was still hanging onto the lamppost. “We need to help Wendy down.”
“I know a good therapist,” Patrick suggested.
“You do? Who?”
Joelle walked up wearing glasses and a fake mustache. “I hear you are looking for a good therapist.”
“Doctor,” Patrick said as he turned to her. “Thank God you’re here. Wendy has been tormented by a stack of money with googly eyes.”
“I have seen a lot of these cases recently,” Joelle commented. “Everyone thinks they will get the cute little lizard, and instead they get a stack of money stalking them. It is very bad.”
“Exactly,” Missy said. “Can you help her?”
“I can help anyone,” Joelle replied as she brushed at her fake mustache.
“We won’t have to commit her, will we?” Missy asked.
“Oh no,” Joelle replied. “I will bring her to my office and put her on my couch. I am sure she has been affected by her mother, too.”
Satisfied that Wendy was going to receive the help she needed to recover from the savings she had received by switching insurance carriers, Missy led Patrick and Gary to the body.
“This is horrible,” Missy said. “What did Paul Fortman do to deserve this?”
“I thought the pattern was that this serial killer is murdering everyone that went to school with us,” Patrick said.
“Everyone in this story went to school with us,” Missy reminded him. “I only hope we catch him soon. We don’t have an unlimited number of people we went to school with.”
“That’s true. Eventually, the killer is going to target someone who is a main character, or…” Patrick looked up. “What if he targets Joelle?”
“If anything happens to her, we would lose all the extra characters!” Missy agreed with him.
“Officer!” Bruce snapped his fingers at one of the plains-clothed officers. When she walked up, he added, “We need you to put a 24-7 surveillance on Joelle.”
The officer lifted up her hat to show that she was Joelle. “I am Joelle.”
“And your point?” Bruce asked. “Are you saying you can’t handle a 24-7 surveillance? Do I need to get someone else to do it?”
“But I AM Joelle.”
“If you can’t do a simple surveillance, then you shouldn’t be wearing that uniform,” Bruce told her.
“Okay… Okay… I’ll do it.” Joelle looked around, and then pulled out a full length mirror and looked at herself in it. “Surveillance has begun.”
“Good,” Bruce told her.
“You know, I’ve always wondered why MapQuest doesn’t start its directions on number five. I’ve always found that I can get out of my own neighborhood without any directions necessary.”
Missy jumped. “Gary? How long have you been standing there?”
“I’ve been here the whole time,” Gary told her. “This is the problem!”
Mary ran back to them, and she was wearing normal clothes. “Missy! I need you to come with me.”
“What? We’re in the middle of a case here, Mary.”
“Missy, I need your help. I think Edward is with another woman, and I want to make sure he’s not.”
“Mary…”
“Please, Missy. If he’s with another woman, I’m going to end up with Bruce. You know this story is going to have some kind of happy ending, even if it’s only happy to Bruce.”
Missy sighed. “Okay, there aren’t any new leads here, anyway. I suppose I can go with you. Where are we going?”
Mary pulled her away.
Seeing this, Patrick called out, “Where are you going?”
“Just continue with what you’re doing,” Missy called back. “I’ll be back to check your progress later.”
Gary looked over to him. “She gets really bossy sometimes.”
“It is her story,” Patrick reminded him.
Meanwhile, Mary had convinced Missy to dress up in black, put on black wigs, and wear thick make-up. Mary pulled her along, and they entered a basement club.
“Where are we?” Missy asked as she tried to walk on the very high heels.
“This is a Goth bar,” Mary replied. “Edward was down here… I know it.”
“We could have just come down here in our normal dress,” Missy told her. “Goth bars aren’t as strict as they used to be. They don’t throw out people just because they aren’t wearing black.”
A bouncer in black leather chaps was carrying a guy wearing bright yellow clothing up the stairs, and he threw the guy out. “Don’t come back until you’re dressed in black!” the bouncer called out.
Mary looked at Missy with a very smug look.
“Nobody likes a smug Goth, Mary,” Missy told her.
They walked across the room and saw Edward seated at the bar. He was drinking a red liquid. As they moved to where Mary could watch him, they saw a woman walk up to him. Mary stood, ready to burst into tears.
The woman leaned forward, but Edward said, “Sorry, but I don’t want to dance. I am in love with a woman named Mary.”
The woman walked away.
Mary smiled wide and began to hop.
“Tone it down,” Missy said as she looked around the room. “No one likes a perky Goth, either.”
Mary ran up to Edward. “Hey, stranger,” she said.
Edward looked at her. “Mary? What are you doing here?”
“We’re on a case,” Mary told him. “I saw you here, so I thought I’d come over.”
“We can’t be seen together here,” Edward told her. “It’s for your own protection.”
“Why?” Mary asked.
“I love you immensely, Mary,” Edward told her. He went to turn his barstool, and fell off it, slamming to the ground. As Mary helped him up, he said, “There are forces that would use that against me. We must keep our love secret until I am able to get away from those forces.”
“I’m a doctor,” Mary told him. “I can help you fight off forces.”
“I’m her cousin,” Missy added. “I can use the force for good.”
A man across the room stood up, throwing his table away. Everyone in the bar fell silent as the man, dressed completely in a black outfit and wearing a black mask, walked across the bar. “Missy, I am your father,” he called out.
Missy paused, about to scream, but then she shook her head. “No, you’re not.” She threw a glass filled with whiskey at the masked man.
He screamed as the glass hit him and shattered, spilling the whiskey all over his outfit. “Are you insane? You know what alcohol does to leather?” He grabbed some napkins and ran off, dabbing the whiskey.
“I know you want to help,” Edward told Mary, “but I need to do this on my own. Don’t worry, I will have everything solved so that we can be together by the end of the story. I know there’s going to be a happy ending, and I want it to be yours.”
Mary giggled.
“Come on, Mary,” Missy said as she pulled her. “And stop giggling. Nobody likes a giddy Goth.”
It took them a few minutes to wipe off the make-up and rejoin the others. Mary was still extremely happy, and this caused Bruce to turn sour.
“So, what did you accomplish while we were gone?” Missy asked.
“Well, the coroner came and took Paul’s body away,” Patrick told her. “He said Paul was in excellent shape and I believe his body is going to be donated to one of those exhibits where they remove all the skin and show the muscle and bones…”
“Okay, ew!” Mary called out.
“I meant with the case,” Missy explained.
“And ew!” Mary said.
“Nothing new on the case,” Patrick replied. “Gary has been very helpful, though. You missed all the great things he did while you two were gone.”
“While the story wasn’t focused on us,” Gary commented.
“You’re my husband, now,” Missy said. “You’re expected to do great things.”
“Oh, thanks,” Gary replied. “Have you ever wondered how much more interesting obituaries would be if they explained how the person died?”
Missy ignored him. “This is getting really frustrating. How are we going to solve these murders? All the clues are in front of us.” She motioned to the table full of props. “They just don’t all add up.”
“None of them add,” Mary agreed. “All we need is one calculator…”
“If I had my time machine, we could go back in time to the first murder and see who did it,” Patrick commented.
“What?” Missy asked.
“I wish my time machine was here,” Patrick replied. “We could go back in time and see who did it.”
“You’ve had a time machine this whole story, and this is the first mention of it?” Missy asked.
“You didn’t bring me into the story until chapter eight,” Patrick told her. “Even then, I’m not supposed to be in this story.”
“Well, you’re an integral part of it now,” Missy snapped. “Where is your time machine?”
“I’m not sure,” he replied as he looked at his watch.
A dark blue Plymouth Horizon appeared out of thin air. Lightning crackled around it and the air smelled like ozone.
“Oh, there it is,” Patrick told them.
The doors opened and Julie and her mother stepped out of the car. Julie looked out of breath, and her mother appeared slightly disheveled as well. Missy walked up to them.
“Julie?” Missy asked. “What are you doing?”
“Mom and I were having trouble believing the whole story about Mary and Brendan Fraser,” Julie explained. “We decided to take Patrick’s time machine and go back in time to check it out.”
“Yes,” Julie’s mother said. “She was telling the truth. We saw it all before we had to flee.”
“Well, of course it is all true,” Mary said.
“No, I meant, what are you doing in the story?” Missy asked. “You and your mother never went to school with us. You’re appearance may destroy the integrity of this story.”
“Oh, we were only a plot device anyway,” Julie commented. “Here’s Patrick’s time machine.”
Mary looked at the car. “You made a time machine out of a dark blue Plymouth Horizon?”
“Hatchback, yeah,” Patrick said proudly.
Mary shook her head. “Missy, I’m not sure I can be seen in a Plymouth Horizon. It could drastically affect my popularity ratings.”
“Grab the pug and get in the car, Mary,” Missy ordered as she grabbed Gary. “We’re going to go back in time and find out who is behind all this.”
“Good luck!” Julie’s mother called out as she and Julie waved at them.