National Sea Monkey Day!
To honor National Sea Monkey Day, and the beginning of National Police Week, I have combined the two in a sentimental song about the constabulary and our favorite underwater pets.
In this aria, Crustaceo (a dashing sea monkey of humble hatching who ends up being the long-lost son of the magistrate and lives happily ever after with the chief of police's daughter) and his fellow sea monkey police officers lament the difference between primates and brine shrimp.
A Monkey's Lot is Not a Happy One
Sung to G&S's Policeman's Song ("When a felon's not engaged in his employment")
Crustaceo: Though our ova are unfazed by dehydration,
Chorus: Dehydration!
Crustaceo: And are viable when placed in H2O,
Chorus: H2O!
Crustaceo: You would think that such a feat deserves ovation,
Chorus: Great ovation!
Crustaceo: But we rarely get a nod or quid pro quo.
Chorus: Don't we know?
Crustaceo: Though our subaquatic japes are quite amusing,
Chorus: We're amusing!
Crustaceo: And our mating marathons are rather fun,
Chorus: Sex is fun!
Crustaceo: The deficiency of adulation's bruising.
Chorus: It's so bruising!
Crustaceo: Ah! A monkey's lot is not a happy one!
Chorus: Happy one.
Crustaceo: I should like to take this moment to conjecture:
Chorus: To conjecture.
Crustaceo: That our namesakes we resemble not a whit.
Chorus: Not one bit!
Crustaceo: Caveat emptor shall therefore be my lecture-
Chorus: Hear his lecture!
Chorus: One cannot buy new world primates in a kit!
Chorus: Silly shit!
Angry Shrimp: And we don't eat bananas!
Crustaceo: Artemia NYOS: our awkward appellation,
Chorus: Oh, damnation!
Crustaceo: Thus, our nomenclatural struggles won't be won-
Chorus: We're outdone.
Crustaceo: And we're all resolved to "Monkey" isolation.
Chorus: Such frustration!
Chrustaceo: Ah! A monkey's lot is not a happy one!
Chorus: Happy one.
Fin.
Dedicated to CAH and BK
In this aria, Crustaceo (a dashing sea monkey of humble hatching who ends up being the long-lost son of the magistrate and lives happily ever after with the chief of police's daughter) and his fellow sea monkey police officers lament the difference between primates and brine shrimp.
A Monkey's Lot is Not a Happy One
Sung to G&S's Policeman's Song ("When a felon's not engaged in his employment")
Crustaceo: Though our ova are unfazed by dehydration,
Chorus: Dehydration!
Crustaceo: And are viable when placed in H2O,
Chorus: H2O!
Crustaceo: You would think that such a feat deserves ovation,
Chorus: Great ovation!
Crustaceo: But we rarely get a nod or quid pro quo.
Chorus: Don't we know?
Crustaceo: Though our subaquatic japes are quite amusing,
Chorus: We're amusing!
Crustaceo: And our mating marathons are rather fun,
Chorus: Sex is fun!
Crustaceo: The deficiency of adulation's bruising.
Chorus: It's so bruising!
Crustaceo: Ah! A monkey's lot is not a happy one!
Chorus: Happy one.
Crustaceo: I should like to take this moment to conjecture:
Chorus: To conjecture.
Crustaceo: That our namesakes we resemble not a whit.
Chorus: Not one bit!
Crustaceo: Caveat emptor shall therefore be my lecture-
Chorus: Hear his lecture!
Chorus: One cannot buy new world primates in a kit!
Chorus: Silly shit!
Angry Shrimp: And we don't eat bananas!
Crustaceo: Artemia NYOS: our awkward appellation,
Chorus: Oh, damnation!
Crustaceo: Thus, our nomenclatural struggles won't be won-
Chorus: We're outdone.
Crustaceo: And we're all resolved to "Monkey" isolation.
Chorus: Such frustration!
Chrustaceo: Ah! A monkey's lot is not a happy one!
Chorus: Happy one.
Fin.
Dedicated to CAH and BK