16 Things....
This is me avoiding the studying of animal nether regions... awesome
1. I keep my hair dyed in some sort of alternative fashion because I'm afraid people won't recognize/remember me if I don't...
2. The only people I've ever said I love you to are my mom and grandmother... the thought of ever saying it to anyone else seems impossible
3. I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm pretty fucked up when it comes to having issues... I may appear to be somewhat normal (sometimes?), but the sort of things that go through my head and the mess of insecurities/views/anger/resentment are, in all honesty, pretty scary.
4. I'm always working or engaged in some sort of weekly activity, because I don't like free time... because I usually find myself realizing how alone I am
5. I was specifically told that it would be a really bad idea to take a course, small animal infectious diseases, as a freshman, but I signed up for it out of some weird need to prove myself to myself... and to my classmates... I have this weird masochistic side...
6. Where I'm at for my age scares the shit out of me....I wish I had taken the time to have done the whole enjoying college thing
7. I feel like I'm substantially more immature and teenage-ish than people perceive me, and I'm terrified that people are going to think that I'm just like the other "dumb young 20-somethings"
8. I'm a perfectionist. Learning to do something right, and becoming good at it is more fun to me than just "having fun with it"... dancing especially...
9. I sing Broadway musicals in my car... and my house... and my shower... and when I'm riding Magellan, and I dance ballroom dances all over my house/whenever I think no ones watching
10. Pleasing other people/doing things for them makes me happier than anything else. Yet half the time, I'm afraid that people will be creeped out by it. However, it pisses me off when people don't give some sort of acknowledge that I've done something for them
11. I'm jealous of people who grew up with a dad and/or big families...
12. I got in touch with my biological father in hopes that I would have siblings I didn't know about... but I don't... and now I have awkward e-mail conversations with him every 2 months or so. I keep e-mailing him back because it feels like I'm obliged to get to know him or something...
13. I can never remember people's names... and it makes me feel like an asshole, so I go around and try to covertly find out their names. I've had a few people call me out on it, and when they do, it makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.
14. I'm scared by the fact that I don't know how to not end up rounding the bases on the first date with someone. I've never just kissed someone and had it stop there... which really, really bothers me. I'm mean seriously, it really fucking bothers me. And not in some sort of feeling bad about myself sort of way, but more of an "I hate not knowing how to interact with someone in a romantic fashion without sex" sort of way...
15. I'm a compulsive exaggerator/liar. I'm trying to be better about it, but well, that's a lie too...
16. I don't believe in God. I don't think there's any sort of higher power, spirituality, whatever. I would like to... but the whole faith thing seems illogical and ridiculous to me. I'm sick of people judging me for it, so I just fake having some sort of belief to avoid the issue...I've even gone to church for it.
And honestly, I feel like I should have something way more profound to have put here, but I don't....
1. I keep my hair dyed in some sort of alternative fashion because I'm afraid people won't recognize/remember me if I don't...
2. The only people I've ever said I love you to are my mom and grandmother... the thought of ever saying it to anyone else seems impossible
3. I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm pretty fucked up when it comes to having issues... I may appear to be somewhat normal (sometimes?), but the sort of things that go through my head and the mess of insecurities/views/anger/resentment are, in all honesty, pretty scary.
4. I'm always working or engaged in some sort of weekly activity, because I don't like free time... because I usually find myself realizing how alone I am
5. I was specifically told that it would be a really bad idea to take a course, small animal infectious diseases, as a freshman, but I signed up for it out of some weird need to prove myself to myself... and to my classmates... I have this weird masochistic side...
6. Where I'm at for my age scares the shit out of me....I wish I had taken the time to have done the whole enjoying college thing
7. I feel like I'm substantially more immature and teenage-ish than people perceive me, and I'm terrified that people are going to think that I'm just like the other "dumb young 20-somethings"
8. I'm a perfectionist. Learning to do something right, and becoming good at it is more fun to me than just "having fun with it"... dancing especially...
9. I sing Broadway musicals in my car... and my house... and my shower... and when I'm riding Magellan, and I dance ballroom dances all over my house/whenever I think no ones watching
10. Pleasing other people/doing things for them makes me happier than anything else. Yet half the time, I'm afraid that people will be creeped out by it. However, it pisses me off when people don't give some sort of acknowledge that I've done something for them
11. I'm jealous of people who grew up with a dad and/or big families...
12. I got in touch with my biological father in hopes that I would have siblings I didn't know about... but I don't... and now I have awkward e-mail conversations with him every 2 months or so. I keep e-mailing him back because it feels like I'm obliged to get to know him or something...
13. I can never remember people's names... and it makes me feel like an asshole, so I go around and try to covertly find out their names. I've had a few people call me out on it, and when they do, it makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.
14. I'm scared by the fact that I don't know how to not end up rounding the bases on the first date with someone. I've never just kissed someone and had it stop there... which really, really bothers me. I'm mean seriously, it really fucking bothers me. And not in some sort of feeling bad about myself sort of way, but more of an "I hate not knowing how to interact with someone in a romantic fashion without sex" sort of way...
15. I'm a compulsive exaggerator/liar. I'm trying to be better about it, but well, that's a lie too...
16. I don't believe in God. I don't think there's any sort of higher power, spirituality, whatever. I would like to... but the whole faith thing seems illogical and ridiculous to me. I'm sick of people judging me for it, so I just fake having some sort of belief to avoid the issue...I've even gone to church for it.
And honestly, I feel like I should have something way more profound to have put here, but I don't....