(no subject)
im looking back on all my post. Theres is a huge reacurring theme. Something occurs. i blame myself. Someone forgives. then it happens all over again. But nothing has changed since March. i still feel the same way about who i am i still pull the same bullshit like posting about what a horrible person i am to make everyone feel sorry. I'm still being a complete pushover. I still blame myself for everything god just look at some of the stuff i wrote in much and its almost word for word what ive been writing up untill now.
Just look at all these from previous posts:
IM SORRY to christian because i put you thru this stupid shit
IM SORRY to my friends because youve had to deal with my miserable state all week
IM SORRY to my family because they have to life with me
IM SORRY to anyone ive ever some in contact with because chances are ive hurt thrm in some way
IM SORRY for tonight and last weekend and every other stupid thing ive done!!!!
but still why do i deserve this?
im completly out of it i knew it was coming and yet i tried to blind myslef fromteh truth i feel extremly weird like im dreaming i wish i was dreaming i relalyl do i m hoping to wake uo and laugh
but that wont happen nooo not thins time i ruined it i ruined everythign all because im worthellsssssss ans stupid oh god i am stupid and emotionally retarted im a bitch a whore a liar a pessimist im good for nothign i cant do anythign right im self obsorbed im dramatic a DRAMA QUEEN i have no friends theres no point never was never will im scaring everyone now but i DONT WANT FUCKING SYmPATHY
idk what im looking for .... *sigh*
i swear ... its a curse. Just when i should be feeling good again.... some stupid pointless meanigless thing happens to make me feel bad.
i need to stop thinking everything i ever did was wrong although i cant really help it ...because basically it was
ALL OF IT STILL PERTAINS TO WHATS HAPPENING NOW.
so guess what this says about me?
thats i was right it has been my faultim the one causing all this. Not him, not my parents. All me.
but i want this to end. i really do. im taking my break from a lot of things starting the 10th.
thanks to the advice of friends and family hopefully ill never make these mistakes again.
im taking a break from being online and boys. and hopefully ill be able to sit and contemplate about who i want to become and what i need to do and change in order to never do these things again.
i dont need this but i guess it what i deserve for noth thinking things thru
I'm sorry.. i know these word coming from me seem empty now ... but theyve never meant more.
if you read this i hope you know im going to try and make myself a better person.
i hope you care
Just look at all these from previous posts:
IM SORRY to christian because i put you thru this stupid shit
IM SORRY to my friends because youve had to deal with my miserable state all week
IM SORRY to my family because they have to life with me
IM SORRY to anyone ive ever some in contact with because chances are ive hurt thrm in some way
IM SORRY for tonight and last weekend and every other stupid thing ive done!!!!
but still why do i deserve this?
im completly out of it i knew it was coming and yet i tried to blind myslef fromteh truth i feel extremly weird like im dreaming i wish i was dreaming i relalyl do i m hoping to wake uo and laugh
but that wont happen nooo not thins time i ruined it i ruined everythign all because im worthellsssssss ans stupid oh god i am stupid and emotionally retarted im a bitch a whore a liar a pessimist im good for nothign i cant do anythign right im self obsorbed im dramatic a DRAMA QUEEN i have no friends theres no point never was never will im scaring everyone now but i DONT WANT FUCKING SYmPATHY
idk what im looking for .... *sigh*
i swear ... its a curse. Just when i should be feeling good again.... some stupid pointless meanigless thing happens to make me feel bad.
i need to stop thinking everything i ever did was wrong although i cant really help it ...because basically it was
ALL OF IT STILL PERTAINS TO WHATS HAPPENING NOW.
so guess what this says about me?
thats i was right it has been my faultim the one causing all this. Not him, not my parents. All me.
but i want this to end. i really do. im taking my break from a lot of things starting the 10th.
thanks to the advice of friends and family hopefully ill never make these mistakes again.
im taking a break from being online and boys. and hopefully ill be able to sit and contemplate about who i want to become and what i need to do and change in order to never do these things again.
i dont need this but i guess it what i deserve for noth thinking things thru
I'm sorry.. i know these word coming from me seem empty now ... but theyve never meant more.
if you read this i hope you know im going to try and make myself a better person.
i hope you care