(no subject)
so, mom is planning on probably moving to indiana to live w/ my mammaw for 2 reasons: we don't have the money to keep living here (rent too expensive), and my mammaw needs help caring for pappaw (and will need help once he is gone too). so, this is fine, i understand the reasoning, except for one problem...
i'm going to school in middletown. it takes about an hour to get from mammaw's to my house, plus almost 30 minutes to get from my house to school.... we're talking an hour and a half to get to school every day. (too bad it is a little to late to switch to oxford for 2nd semester, since it is only 20-30 minutes from mammaw's house.) my issue? i won't be able to live with mom. i will either have to live with dad (which is unlikely since todd already lives there, there would be no room for me because there are only 2 bedrooms at dad's apartment), or i will have to live with my sister. i don't mind living with her if she doesn't care, but the only room at her apartment that could provide a place for me to sleep is their computer room, and i just feel bad making her move around all her stuff to accomodate me... not to mention that since i only have a part-time job, and would like to try and find a new one anyway, i won't be able to help her pay for rent, much less food or anything like that... *aaggghhhh* this really frustrates me, makes me angry in a way. not at anyone, because i know my mom can't help the fact that this place is to expensive to live in with oak being off work because of his injured shoulder, and it doesn't help that her back is so messed up, and avon may be laying a bunch of people off really soon, so i don't even know if she will have her job much longer, whether she has to quit because it is killing her back, or if she is let go. should i be angry at myself for the fact that i simply know i wouldn't be able to handle going to school full-time and working a ton of hours a week? maybe, but that's just the way i am. am i immature? i don't know. sometimes i think i am, i think i am just a big baby, and anyone else in my situation would handle it just fine. i get frustrated with myself all the time, thinking i should be better at handling my life. but the truth is, i just don't know what to do. and the most horrible thing about it is when i get really overwhelmed like this, i tend to shut down and do nothing, and end up putting off important things i need to do until it's too late. that's what happened with college. i was so overwhelmed by the decision that i simply didn't decide. it just got to the point where the only place i could still go to was miami middletown. so here i am. hating myself. yay...
God, I need Your help.
i'm going to school in middletown. it takes about an hour to get from mammaw's to my house, plus almost 30 minutes to get from my house to school.... we're talking an hour and a half to get to school every day. (too bad it is a little to late to switch to oxford for 2nd semester, since it is only 20-30 minutes from mammaw's house.) my issue? i won't be able to live with mom. i will either have to live with dad (which is unlikely since todd already lives there, there would be no room for me because there are only 2 bedrooms at dad's apartment), or i will have to live with my sister. i don't mind living with her if she doesn't care, but the only room at her apartment that could provide a place for me to sleep is their computer room, and i just feel bad making her move around all her stuff to accomodate me... not to mention that since i only have a part-time job, and would like to try and find a new one anyway, i won't be able to help her pay for rent, much less food or anything like that... *aaggghhhh* this really frustrates me, makes me angry in a way. not at anyone, because i know my mom can't help the fact that this place is to expensive to live in with oak being off work because of his injured shoulder, and it doesn't help that her back is so messed up, and avon may be laying a bunch of people off really soon, so i don't even know if she will have her job much longer, whether she has to quit because it is killing her back, or if she is let go. should i be angry at myself for the fact that i simply know i wouldn't be able to handle going to school full-time and working a ton of hours a week? maybe, but that's just the way i am. am i immature? i don't know. sometimes i think i am, i think i am just a big baby, and anyone else in my situation would handle it just fine. i get frustrated with myself all the time, thinking i should be better at handling my life. but the truth is, i just don't know what to do. and the most horrible thing about it is when i get really overwhelmed like this, i tend to shut down and do nothing, and end up putting off important things i need to do until it's too late. that's what happened with college. i was so overwhelmed by the decision that i simply didn't decide. it just got to the point where the only place i could still go to was miami middletown. so here i am. hating myself. yay...
God, I need Your help.