Some say...
It's just a holiday, a lot of grumpyness goes around the air but I still enjoyed all the propaganda bullshit that went along with it.As the day comes closer (yeah I know it's still a month away)... It just slowly creeps up to me and wants to punch me in the face as to how difficult it will be this year.
We were never one to put up stockings and have stocking stuffers... She just always had this way of bringing christmas to the house. She'd rearrange all the furniture and put the christmas tree up with the blinking lights. She'd bring out all the christmas decorations. That cute plush santa and mrs. claus and sometimes when no one was home or everyone was asleep I would sit in front of the tree gazing at the lights like a 5 year old would do. It would make me happy. It would make me even more happy knowing that it was one of the only times of the year where we'd all be together. Even if it'd be for like an hour eating dinner and talking about the same thing over and over again. How hungry our stomachs would be and she'd still be busy cooking all this food. Something in the air would change. It would be our day. Then the gift exchange would come and she'd pull out a fountain full of gifts. She'd even put aside some for our friends and parents of others. I would never want the day to end because it would bring so much joy to my heart. Then when it would end it would make me sad but happy that we'd do it again next year...
What about this year? Nothings the same and she's not here to organize it for us this year. Here I am trying to fight to do something, but how? How did she do it? I just can't help but feel sadness right now...
I miss my mom.
We were never one to put up stockings and have stocking stuffers... She just always had this way of bringing christmas to the house. She'd rearrange all the furniture and put the christmas tree up with the blinking lights. She'd bring out all the christmas decorations. That cute plush santa and mrs. claus and sometimes when no one was home or everyone was asleep I would sit in front of the tree gazing at the lights like a 5 year old would do. It would make me happy. It would make me even more happy knowing that it was one of the only times of the year where we'd all be together. Even if it'd be for like an hour eating dinner and talking about the same thing over and over again. How hungry our stomachs would be and she'd still be busy cooking all this food. Something in the air would change. It would be our day. Then the gift exchange would come and she'd pull out a fountain full of gifts. She'd even put aside some for our friends and parents of others. I would never want the day to end because it would bring so much joy to my heart. Then when it would end it would make me sad but happy that we'd do it again next year...
What about this year? Nothings the same and she's not here to organize it for us this year. Here I am trying to fight to do something, but how? How did she do it? I just can't help but feel sadness right now...
I miss my mom.