The Three Cruelest Words in the English Language.
"are you ok?"
Well hell NO I'm not okay! My mother is DYING, she's now in a hospice facility.I'm just numb......I want this to all be over, and I don't know when it will be. THEN and ONLY then will I MAYBE be okay. My son will never know either of my parents, NO I'm not alright, that's not right and it's not fucking FAIR. I know, I know, people mean well, but how do you answer something like that?
NO, I'm not okay, my heart has been ripped out? People ask that question and God knows they don't really want to know the answer to that question. I want to cry and to scream,but Eric needs his mommy. WHY HER? Why MY mom? Why is it, that the person who'd never hurt another living soul is dying a horrible death?
Cancer isn't a kind illness to anyone who has it, I know that...but for crying out loud, she's had it spread like wildfire! Even her fucking Oncologist is shocked. *sighs* I'm tired...I want this to end, I want this to be a nightmare that I can wake up from. It won't, and I know that.
I know my mother IS going to die, and I can't face it. My sister and brother are devastated, I am too, but more than that....I'm fucking numb. I'm as numb as I was for the two years I was with the asshole. I don't like this person I've become. I want to be able to show some reaction to this, and I can't....I physically can't.....
I'm falling apart, I can feel the well of depression pulling me back in, and it scares me. I've fought so hard to win that battle and I'm losing it. Depression was my worst enemy for too fucking long. I don't want it's cruelness back in my life, but I don't know how to stop it.
I hate that, everytime the phone rings, my heart stops. I'm terrified that she's going to die, while hubby is at work, and then what would I do? I'd be a hysterical wreck, in charge of my 6 month old. *sighs*
Well hell NO I'm not okay! My mother is DYING, she's now in a hospice facility.I'm just numb......I want this to all be over, and I don't know when it will be. THEN and ONLY then will I MAYBE be okay. My son will never know either of my parents, NO I'm not alright, that's not right and it's not fucking FAIR. I know, I know, people mean well, but how do you answer something like that?
NO, I'm not okay, my heart has been ripped out? People ask that question and God knows they don't really want to know the answer to that question. I want to cry and to scream,but Eric needs his mommy. WHY HER? Why MY mom? Why is it, that the person who'd never hurt another living soul is dying a horrible death?
Cancer isn't a kind illness to anyone who has it, I know that...but for crying out loud, she's had it spread like wildfire! Even her fucking Oncologist is shocked. *sighs* I'm tired...I want this to end, I want this to be a nightmare that I can wake up from. It won't, and I know that.
I know my mother IS going to die, and I can't face it. My sister and brother are devastated, I am too, but more than that....I'm fucking numb. I'm as numb as I was for the two years I was with the asshole. I don't like this person I've become. I want to be able to show some reaction to this, and I can't....I physically can't.....
I'm falling apart, I can feel the well of depression pulling me back in, and it scares me. I've fought so hard to win that battle and I'm losing it. Depression was my worst enemy for too fucking long. I don't want it's cruelness back in my life, but I don't know how to stop it.
I hate that, everytime the phone rings, my heart stops. I'm terrified that she's going to die, while hubby is at work, and then what would I do? I'd be a hysterical wreck, in charge of my 6 month old. *sighs*