The Superficial!!
Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone. Today, pre-Thanksgiving, I am thankful for stupid things that make me laugh. Thought I would share.
My Favorite Quotes from The Superficial this week....
On...
*Jude Law and Sienna Miller*
"This really shouldn't be complicated. Unless Jude has powdered his schlong with cocaine, I have no idea why Sienna would want to stay with him. And it's already clear that Jude would have no problem finding other women. Maybe even women who aren't working for him. Maybe. "
*Jennifer Lopez*
"I've seen these 'J-Lo fur' stories over and over again. I never thought there'd be a day when I felt sorry for Jennifer Lopez, but that day is fast approaching. Unless you're dating the Hef, you really shouldn't have someone telling you what to wear on a daily basis. If Jennifer wants to hit the town with a cap of bald eagle talons and dolphin-skin mocassins then by god let her do it. Top of the food chain, baby"
*Ricky Martin*
"Ricky Martin told fans perhaps a little more about his sex life than some wanted to know. I love giving the golden shower,he told Blender. 'I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.'
I'm just going to assume that his limited grasp of the English language caused him to say something he didn't mean to say. Not because I don't believe it, but because the thought of Ricky Martin peeing on people in the shower makes me want to stab myself in the face."
*Britney Spears and Kevin Federline*
"Spears was drinking vanilla rum and orange juice, and according to a source 'they seemed very lovey-dovey. They left at 2:30 a.m. while the rest of their crew closed it down.' Son Sean Preston was seen in the back of the car when they left.
A few questions arise here: How long was their kid sitting in the back of the car? Does Kevin rap better drunk than sober? Is their son breast-feeding, and if so, was he loaded? And is it really safe for Britney to do the rebel yell while drinking moonshine from a milk-carton and peeing out the limo window? I don't think I want to know the answers. "
*courtney Love*
"I'm not sure that Courtney Love isn't some sort of zombie. She doesn't look entirely human, kinda like she woke up just before they stuck her in the crypt. If that's the case, I'm less worried about her bearing children than I am about her eating them. Doesn't she have a daughter? Has anyone seen her lately? "
*Paris Hilton*
"Apparently the monkey that's been causing trouble for Paris Hilton isn't a monkey at all, but rather a kinkajou that's illegal to own in California.As long as whatever it is keeps on biting and clawing Paris' face, I say we get a petition going around to let her keep the damn thing. It'll only be a matter of months before we hear about Paris contracting rabies after her crazy kinkajou bites her in the leg. And you can't put a price on Paris Hilton with rabies. You could try, but you'd just end up looking like an idiot."
*Kelly Osborne and Paris Hilton*
"So it seems that Kelly is saying that Paris Hilton is a good friend and somewhat trustworthy. This is basically the same as saying that Hitler was black. You know how good-looking girls like to keep one ugly girl around to make them look better? Obviously neither does Kelly."
My Favorite Quotes from The Superficial this week....
On...
*Jude Law and Sienna Miller*
"This really shouldn't be complicated. Unless Jude has powdered his schlong with cocaine, I have no idea why Sienna would want to stay with him. And it's already clear that Jude would have no problem finding other women. Maybe even women who aren't working for him. Maybe. "
*Jennifer Lopez*
"I've seen these 'J-Lo fur' stories over and over again. I never thought there'd be a day when I felt sorry for Jennifer Lopez, but that day is fast approaching. Unless you're dating the Hef, you really shouldn't have someone telling you what to wear on a daily basis. If Jennifer wants to hit the town with a cap of bald eagle talons and dolphin-skin mocassins then by god let her do it. Top of the food chain, baby"
*Ricky Martin*
"Ricky Martin told fans perhaps a little more about his sex life than some wanted to know. I love giving the golden shower,he told Blender. 'I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different.'
I'm just going to assume that his limited grasp of the English language caused him to say something he didn't mean to say. Not because I don't believe it, but because the thought of Ricky Martin peeing on people in the shower makes me want to stab myself in the face."
*Britney Spears and Kevin Federline*
"Spears was drinking vanilla rum and orange juice, and according to a source 'they seemed very lovey-dovey. They left at 2:30 a.m. while the rest of their crew closed it down.' Son Sean Preston was seen in the back of the car when they left.
A few questions arise here: How long was their kid sitting in the back of the car? Does Kevin rap better drunk than sober? Is their son breast-feeding, and if so, was he loaded? And is it really safe for Britney to do the rebel yell while drinking moonshine from a milk-carton and peeing out the limo window? I don't think I want to know the answers. "
*courtney Love*
"I'm not sure that Courtney Love isn't some sort of zombie. She doesn't look entirely human, kinda like she woke up just before they stuck her in the crypt. If that's the case, I'm less worried about her bearing children than I am about her eating them. Doesn't she have a daughter? Has anyone seen her lately? "
*Paris Hilton*
"Apparently the monkey that's been causing trouble for Paris Hilton isn't a monkey at all, but rather a kinkajou that's illegal to own in California.As long as whatever it is keeps on biting and clawing Paris' face, I say we get a petition going around to let her keep the damn thing. It'll only be a matter of months before we hear about Paris contracting rabies after her crazy kinkajou bites her in the leg. And you can't put a price on Paris Hilton with rabies. You could try, but you'd just end up looking like an idiot."
*Kelly Osborne and Paris Hilton*
"So it seems that Kelly is saying that Paris Hilton is a good friend and somewhat trustworthy. This is basically the same as saying that Hitler was black. You know how good-looking girls like to keep one ugly girl around to make them look better? Obviously neither does Kelly."