dream
it was c'mas eve when i wrote that last entry. that night i had this awful nightmare that we all woke up c'mas morning and we were about to open the gifts but a bunch of ppl came into our house. we decided to wait til they were gone before we opened the gifts. it looked like these ppl weren't gonna leave anytime soon so i went to take a quick shower. when i got out of the shower all was quiet and i went to the den only to find out that tom and the kids had already opened their gifts! what? you had c'mas without me????? tom gave me this cold hard stare and made some reference to my gifts which were still sitting off to the side, as if that should be enough, that it was all that mattered anyway. but they had all enjoyed c'mas together without me. and they didn't care... especially not tom. he was just fine with leaving me out of the whole thing. i was so sad that i woke up sobbing and gasping for air. i was soooo sad because the joy of c'mas isn't in opening your own gifts -- it's in watching the reaction of others opening theirs! and now i was gonna have to wait another whole year to see this and be a part of it. and we don't have many c'mases left with kt so it was especially hard on me.