i am a dog
*sigh* i feel like a dog. promised a walk by the master after a long day cooped up in the kennel. got that feeling of excitement- thinking about stretching the muscles, feeling the freedom that comes from nature, getting that fresh air after suffocating through the stale air that has been present too long. excitement, turned to disappointment. like the master got home and realized he was too tired to go for the walk. so i must wait for another day, another moment, remain cooped up in these restricting walls... *sigh*
it has been dumping snow. and it will be dumping snow all week, from now until the end of sunday. nothing but new, fresh powder. pow- what a great word. images and sensations way too vivid in my mind about caressing the deep snow, about busting through the pow, about sailing through it all. a breath of "fresh air" after months of suffocation.
those sensations are squashed. my buddy has been in town all week and we planned on going on saturday. but the gf raised issues, fits, and a roller coaster of emotions- from "just go and have fun" to "this is our first holiday together and you'll be gone for xmas so i won't be able to spend a real holiday with you." it's a four day weekend for both of us, but apparently one day kills the entire experience. and i know that when she tells me to go, she doesn't mean it- there will be hell to pay. it's "worth" sits right on the fence- fresh air, stretch the muscles, live happily for a moment= hell for a week; surrender those sensations like i always do= a peaceful week.
so i take my huge mental blanket, throw it around all those emotions and pull it in tight. time to stuff it back into that dark corner of the closet so it won't be seen. time to prepare myself for another long stretch of bland, polluted air. time to stare at my pics and magazines and pretend it's me cutting that pow and leaving that huge rooster tail.
*sigh* like i said, i'm just a dog here.
it has been dumping snow. and it will be dumping snow all week, from now until the end of sunday. nothing but new, fresh powder. pow- what a great word. images and sensations way too vivid in my mind about caressing the deep snow, about busting through the pow, about sailing through it all. a breath of "fresh air" after months of suffocation.
those sensations are squashed. my buddy has been in town all week and we planned on going on saturday. but the gf raised issues, fits, and a roller coaster of emotions- from "just go and have fun" to "this is our first holiday together and you'll be gone for xmas so i won't be able to spend a real holiday with you." it's a four day weekend for both of us, but apparently one day kills the entire experience. and i know that when she tells me to go, she doesn't mean it- there will be hell to pay. it's "worth" sits right on the fence- fresh air, stretch the muscles, live happily for a moment= hell for a week; surrender those sensations like i always do= a peaceful week.
so i take my huge mental blanket, throw it around all those emotions and pull it in tight. time to stuff it back into that dark corner of the closet so it won't be seen. time to prepare myself for another long stretch of bland, polluted air. time to stare at my pics and magazines and pretend it's me cutting that pow and leaving that huge rooster tail.
*sigh* like i said, i'm just a dog here.