(no subject)
Sometimes I wake up in A LOT of pain from sleeping wrongly, and I have these half awake delusional ideas of "I wonder if this is what cancer patients feel like when they're first diagnosed..." Like, maybe I need to change my field. When I get back or hip pain in my sleep it's kind of scary...not to mention the dream I once had where I felt I was suffocating even after waking up, after I was told I had lung cancer (in the dream, that is).
IDK I haven't had any dreams that I remember in full lately, I just remember that I've been in pain in quite a few of them--and then the other major bit have been those stimulating kinds of dreams. Weird.
Beyond that I've been worrying a bit about others lately. Like some people were talking about how their sons competitively shoot, and how they know they don't lock everything up all the time, and they say it bothers them but they don't know why. I want to say why it's worrisome; that I've never met one of my family members because he killed himself with a gun.
And then I know how moody my family can be and how moody my boyfriend can be, and when things go badly I start to wonder about their mentality, too. And I don't know how to say it. Sometimes I feel like I'm at the bottom of the pit, and other times I feel like everyone else is but I don't know what to do about it.
And then I second guess myself altogether; am I crazy for worrying what others might do to themselves knowing how shitty things are at the moment? Does that say more about me than it does about them?
IDK. My arm still hurts sometimes but it's only about once a month again now, so IDK what to do about it. I think it might be hormone related a bit, but I've changed BC 4 times in the last 4 years at least and I don't want to change more; and I'm pretty sure a surgery for cystic breast tissue or something like that isn't going to be a cure all.
IDK I haven't had any dreams that I remember in full lately, I just remember that I've been in pain in quite a few of them--and then the other major bit have been those stimulating kinds of dreams. Weird.
Beyond that I've been worrying a bit about others lately. Like some people were talking about how their sons competitively shoot, and how they know they don't lock everything up all the time, and they say it bothers them but they don't know why. I want to say why it's worrisome; that I've never met one of my family members because he killed himself with a gun.
And then I know how moody my family can be and how moody my boyfriend can be, and when things go badly I start to wonder about their mentality, too. And I don't know how to say it. Sometimes I feel like I'm at the bottom of the pit, and other times I feel like everyone else is but I don't know what to do about it.
And then I second guess myself altogether; am I crazy for worrying what others might do to themselves knowing how shitty things are at the moment? Does that say more about me than it does about them?
IDK. My arm still hurts sometimes but it's only about once a month again now, so IDK what to do about it. I think it might be hormone related a bit, but I've changed BC 4 times in the last 4 years at least and I don't want to change more; and I'm pretty sure a surgery for cystic breast tissue or something like that isn't going to be a cure all.