I wouldnt write in here if i didnt mean it

[multi_purpura]

I have come back and i have left and i have stopped talking so much and i have gone to counceling and i have done everything that I can think of.

THe dishes are stacked and molding, the trash is overflowing, the bedroom is littered in socks and underware, i am sitting here alone and havent been called or texted yesterday or today. Tomorrow, there will still be dishes in the sink, the dog will be lucky to get out of her cage fro more than an hour, the house will still reak of rotting garbage....

Next week, I will be ignored and fucked maybe once for a few minutes in no way that is satisfying to me. I will still feel unattractive and like a huge cow and yet still be inlove because this is how it is supposed to be

get married live together and have a kid, and feel like shit - right?

Whether or not im here or not or offer to go out or anything - it doesnt make a difference, im still treated like some roommate.

I wish i could have had the strength to leave three years ago.
I wish.
I wish I could have the support to leave now, and the hope that I will be loved ... and not be alone and forgotten about.