I want to say that I'm very sorry if this piece is based on real life for you. I'm very sorry if it is, and I hope you are going ok! I've just gone through a separation with my husband, so there are elements in this piece I can relate to. In particular, when Bob refused to consider counselling.
You did a great job with this submission! The narrative flows very well, and is formatted in such a way that it's very easy to read and follow.
My suggestions:
1. I was a bit nervous, (try leaving the comma after nervous out, as it improves the flow of this sentence) about choosing the correct wine, and the fact that Bob had not shown up yet. 2. It had been a rough time, but now things were going to get easy. Try replacing easy with easier, or get with be. Either of these two suggestions seem to fit the sentence a little better. See what you think, anyways.
The conversation between Bob and Sue flows very smoothly- I could have been in the room listening to them holding this discussion. Very well done!
There's nothing more that needs to be said about an entry that is very real, and put together so well!
Thank you so much for the edit and the encouragement! This has not happened to me, thank goodness, because sometimes my husband is the only person in my corner. I wrote this on a rather bad day at work, and my imagination tends to present me with frightening things on bad days (because the above scenario is my second worst nightmare, the first being the death of my daughter).
*hugs* I hope things turn out for the best with you and your husband, and I'm truly sorry if my story upset you.
I want to say that I'm very sorry if this piece is based on real life for you. I'm very sorry if it is, and I hope you are going ok! I've just gone through a separation with my husband, so there are elements in this piece I can relate to. In particular, when Bob refused to consider counselling.
You did a great job with this submission! The narrative flows very well, and is formatted in such a way that it's very easy to read and follow.
My suggestions:
1. I
was a bit nervous, (try leaving the comma after nervous out, as it improves the flow of this sentence) about choosing the correct wine, and the fact that Bob had not shown up yet.
2. It had been a rough time, but now things were going to get easy. Try replacing easy with easier, or get with be. Either of these two suggestions seem to fit the sentence a little better. See what you think, anyways.
The conversation between Bob and Sue flows very smoothly- I could have been in the room listening to them holding this discussion. Very well done!
There's nothing more that needs to be said about an entry that is very real, and put together so well!
Good luck!
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*hugs* I hope things turn out for the best with you and your husband, and I'm truly sorry if my story upset you.
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