Bucking a Trend
OK, fucking hell. I haven't written for real in this damn thing in so long, but I feel like it's time to in some way. I plan on getting back to typing the rest of Hybrid eventually, but I've been lazy in that aspect of life, much like many other things.
The recent occurrences in my life have been leaving me in this awkward state of mind for the majority of the time. I have to clarify this by saying my life is really good right now. I'm pretty happy and I really have no real reason for complaint. The point is that just now I've realized that that could be the very reason I've been having this mental dilemma.
I see others around me and I can't help but feel bad very often for situations others are in. Yet, I get a couple doubts and issues that plague my train of thought and I'm in a rut? That seems unfair.
Let me make it clear: I no longer have any idea what I want to with my life, which pretty much brings me back into the mass majority. That pisses me off (no offense to the majority at all), but I really enjoyed having the satisfaction of knowing what I need to aim for ahead of me. Now, with writing and acting and directing and the other little passions I want to pursue soooooo stupidly, I change my mind every second seemingly.
There's the issue of my parents moving and my family in general. As much of a nuisance they are to me on a regular basis, I don't know how I feel about the disjointed relationship I will have with them. I will have no immediate family in Florida eventually, and that depresses me. I hate Ohio and can never see myself living there or even staying there more than a normal vacation's duration, but that's where everyone I love and care about from a family stand point is.
I would be foolish to leave out my pseudo-love life, I guess. It's just been really hard the past month and a half to find yourself really connect with someone, to really feel so strongly about someone and to have that feeling reciprocated for once and actually KNOW it...only to have it be cut short. I've been rational since the start, but I'm starting to hate the idea of rationality because it always has me coming up on the short end of the stick. I want to attempt to make something work, but it would be close to, if not already, impossible. Therefore, I'm still on the treadmill. I'm content with being on one less of a rung on that ladder that is getting brought up more and more seemingly amongst everyone I know, but there's that fire that keeps on burning. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, according to legend. In that case, this treadmill sees no end in sight and I'm not even mad about that.
This post really has no purpose; it's really a cathartic process for myself right now and I figured I could share it. I guess my message here-seeing as how I try to have one when I post shit like this- is that, if anything is going on in your life, know you're not alone and know that it's ok to feel happy every now and then because, despite all of this, I still find plenty of time to smile, laugh and live my life.
Until I talk to you again, keep your head up, everyone. There's nothing worth looking at when you're looking down.
Mullet
P.S. I always hate it when people put song lyrics on their LJ, but I can't help but do it myself this time. This is a song that I've been listening to so much recently. It's called "Night Train" by Bouncing Souls and it really sums up some of my feelings right now. Hope you enjoy.
Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
One last long embrace.
Let go and walk on through.
I'm leaving everything behind for a peace that I can't find.
The ghosts that roam this house
like winter air right through our souls.
And it feels like dying.
It just feels like time to go.
Goin down south to dream another dream.
Maybe check out Memphis, Tennessee.
Take the night train and an extra pair of jeans.
Can't think of anything else I really need.
And all my experiences ride with me.
This town is dead to me.
And I can't stop chasing my dreams.
I love you more than anything,
but what you want I could never be.
I love you more than anything,
but only alone can we both be free.
Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
Wipe the tears from your eyes.
Let go and walk on through.
The recent occurrences in my life have been leaving me in this awkward state of mind for the majority of the time. I have to clarify this by saying my life is really good right now. I'm pretty happy and I really have no real reason for complaint. The point is that just now I've realized that that could be the very reason I've been having this mental dilemma.
I see others around me and I can't help but feel bad very often for situations others are in. Yet, I get a couple doubts and issues that plague my train of thought and I'm in a rut? That seems unfair.
Let me make it clear: I no longer have any idea what I want to with my life, which pretty much brings me back into the mass majority. That pisses me off (no offense to the majority at all), but I really enjoyed having the satisfaction of knowing what I need to aim for ahead of me. Now, with writing and acting and directing and the other little passions I want to pursue soooooo stupidly, I change my mind every second seemingly.
There's the issue of my parents moving and my family in general. As much of a nuisance they are to me on a regular basis, I don't know how I feel about the disjointed relationship I will have with them. I will have no immediate family in Florida eventually, and that depresses me. I hate Ohio and can never see myself living there or even staying there more than a normal vacation's duration, but that's where everyone I love and care about from a family stand point is.
I would be foolish to leave out my pseudo-love life, I guess. It's just been really hard the past month and a half to find yourself really connect with someone, to really feel so strongly about someone and to have that feeling reciprocated for once and actually KNOW it...only to have it be cut short. I've been rational since the start, but I'm starting to hate the idea of rationality because it always has me coming up on the short end of the stick. I want to attempt to make something work, but it would be close to, if not already, impossible. Therefore, I'm still on the treadmill. I'm content with being on one less of a rung on that ladder that is getting brought up more and more seemingly amongst everyone I know, but there's that fire that keeps on burning. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, according to legend. In that case, this treadmill sees no end in sight and I'm not even mad about that.
This post really has no purpose; it's really a cathartic process for myself right now and I figured I could share it. I guess my message here-seeing as how I try to have one when I post shit like this- is that, if anything is going on in your life, know you're not alone and know that it's ok to feel happy every now and then because, despite all of this, I still find plenty of time to smile, laugh and live my life.
Until I talk to you again, keep your head up, everyone. There's nothing worth looking at when you're looking down.
Mullet
P.S. I always hate it when people put song lyrics on their LJ, but I can't help but do it myself this time. This is a song that I've been listening to so much recently. It's called "Night Train" by Bouncing Souls and it really sums up some of my feelings right now. Hope you enjoy.
Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
One last long embrace.
Let go and walk on through.
I'm leaving everything behind for a peace that I can't find.
The ghosts that roam this house
like winter air right through our souls.
And it feels like dying.
It just feels like time to go.
Goin down south to dream another dream.
Maybe check out Memphis, Tennessee.
Take the night train and an extra pair of jeans.
Can't think of anything else I really need.
And all my experiences ride with me.
This town is dead to me.
And I can't stop chasing my dreams.
I love you more than anything,
but what you want I could never be.
I love you more than anything,
but only alone can we both be free.
Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
Wipe the tears from your eyes.
Let go and walk on through.