YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!!!!!
(avoid if you have not yet seen 24 season 4 but plan to do so)
And now... Ernie and Pat bring you... a coversation about THIS GUY:
Erniesjp: ron butterfield was in 2 episodes of 24
Erniesjp: 1st season
Fool Pitied By T: hahah, yeah that's right! he got shot
Erniesjp: hahahha
Erniesjp: thats awesome
Fool Pitied By T: I remember that, that's funny... although, if I didn't, I could just say "oh yeah! he got shot!" and it would have at least a 50-50 chance of being right
Erniesjp: yea, most peaople you meet on that show get shot or worse
Fool Pitied By T: "Oh yeah! he was decapitated and had his head put in a bag!" "Oh yeah! He had his arm chopped off!" "Oh yeah, he was in air force one as it was shot down!" "Oh yeah! she was tied to a chair and shot through the gut, killing the unborn child who would have died anyway since it was too undeveloped to survive without the mother but it was a bitch move anyway!"
Erniesjp: dont forget the "Oh yeah, he was shot after he thought he kicked jack's ass and was thusly shot by a terrorist, because jack knew something was up and just decided to let the douchebag who had the gaul to hit him die"
Erniesjp: ronnie, that was that dumbass' name
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: aw man, I love 24 for it's lunacy and rediculousness
Erniesjp: yea, i miss it
Erniesjp: not to mention that the "return of jack" will far surpass the return of the likes of tony or whoever the hell else popped up
Erniesjp: damn though, they better try real fuckin hard to top tony's return
Erniesjp: cause he came back like a goddam hero
Fool Pitied By T: dude
Erniesjp: i even forgot how much i hated him after that
Fool Pitied By T: they'd never do this
Fool Pitied By T: but Jack shouldn't even be in it untill, like, episode 6
Fool Pitied By T: it should just be curtis
Erniesjp: exactly
Fool Pitied By T: and just when we stop wondering where Jack is
Fool Pitied By T: BAM
Erniesjp: and he come out of no where
Erniesjp: when tony or Curtis is about to die
Erniesjp: like on a rope swinging in and killing at least 5 dudes before the inetial swing is over
Fool Pitied By T: see, that should be his second appearance
Fool Pitied By T: in episode 8
Erniesjp: hahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: episode six, things are going to shit, and curtis is in trouble, and we see shit going down on the news on the old TV in some smokey hazy mexican bar, the white sun bleaching in through the windows, the sound of an old pool table in the background, a man sits at the bar and an extreme close up of his drink as he puts it down, extreme close up of the money he throws on the bar top, we follow the man's back as he exits the bar, camera swings aruond, and Jack puts on his shades...
Erniesjp: "You dont know Jack!"
Erniesjp: that was by far the best thing they could have ever done to lead into next season
Erniesjp: they must have known we'd be drunk and stoned
Erniesjp: and dumb enough to go shit crazy after tthat
Fool Pitied By T: yeah, rediculous, kinda lame, and yet when you've just finished a crazy episode and are baked out of your mind, it's the coolest damn thing you've ever seen
Fool Pitied By T: the writers are probably just stoned all the time and sitting in a room very much like my setup at scranton... "Waitwaitwait, guys, hold up.... what if....what if Jack says "i'm calling the only person I can trust... and then... at the end right... Jack's out of ammo.... he's about to be shot, and then... shit, and then.... TONY SHOWS UP shootin' mothafuckas in the HEAD!"
Erniesjp: "oh oh oh... and get this... wait, you'll love this. we'll put that querr ass soulpatch back on him, cause i mean now no one will care and he'll just look like the BIGGEST BADASS EVER!!!"
Erniesjp: followed by a universal "whoaaaaaaaaaa"
Fool Pitied By T: "and yo man, this may be... I dunno, tell me if this is out there, but like.... we shoot down air force one.." (from the back of the room: "nigga you CRAZY!") " no no no, hear me out... we shoot down air force one, so the VP has to take over.... and, ok, he's like, this massive pussy right... he's hidin' out in the bunker and shit.... so Mike, you remember Mike, right? yeah! We bring him back, and he realizes what a colossal vaj the VP is, so we have him say to someone... 'I know someone who can help'... and we have him call.... you ready for this shit, this is gonna blow your mind... PALMER!'
Fool Pitied By T: and then you just have a room of stoners doing McCurdy's lean-forward-in-the-chair-bent-over-with-an-expression-of-joy/pain-while-doing-the-Arsenio-arm-pump-cause-he-thinks-he's-black thing.
Erniesjp: earlier on in the planning, "wait guys, i know we had jack fuck up a witness already, but it just didnt have the pinash of, you know, shooting some guy and then cutting his head off..." "yea, maybe he could fuck someone up in a new way, like using a hotel room appliance." "oooh shit, we could make it someone he knows, like his girl's old beau." "nice nice, but that really doesnt seem 'jack' enough." ok well later, we;ll make people like the guy dumped to the curb for jack, by saving jacks life.. i know it's a bit corny, but everyone will be fucked up.... so then... brace yourself, jack kills the dude for the 'mission.'"
Erniesjp: everyone throws their notes into the air and just goes nuts
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: ok can't do this anymore after that one
Fool Pitied By T: especially because you used the word "beau", which is hysterical
Erniesjp: i needed to save type space
Erniesjp: i realized i was getting carried away
Fool Pitied By T: wait wait, I got one more
Fool Pitied By T: "OK..... how about this.... Jack needs to kill him because he needs the doctors... there's only one team of surgeons at CTU - no one will care why - and they're working on the beau.... but we'll make it her EX HUSBAND.... so they're working on him, and Jack brings in a witness that was shot and needs immidiate care so jack can interrogate him.... and he pulls a gun on the docs, they ditch the husband, he dies... BUT WAIT! that's not the clincher.... get this, the witness... he's Chinese, man, and... like... he knows Jack's coming for him.... so like, he goes to the chinese embassy for assylum... they're dicks, cause you know - asian - and won't let him be interrogated... so Jack, he goes OFF THE RESERVATION and takes Curtis and a jobber to INVADE!! the consulate accidentally gets killed, Jack gets blamed, and now China declares war... on JACK."
nothing happens for a really long time... there is shocked silence in the writer's room... then.... from one guy in the back... a slow clap starts. and another. and another. The room bursts into applause, writers are hugging each other and weaping openly, smiling through tear-stained lips.
Fool Pitied By T: Some one puts on "We Are the Champions" by Queen, and the bong is repacked
Erniesjp: HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Erniesjp: ok that was awesome
Erniesjp: the slow clap did it
OK and I wanted to end this with a shot of Jack in shades, walking off into the distance, but couldn't find it anywhere, so instead, how about this.... We know Sutherland likes to give his old "Young Guns" friends some work. Lou Diamond was already in Season One.... next season... Jack's pinned down... no where to turn, and the only person he can trust is....
"madness.... it made no sense whatsoever"
And now... Ernie and Pat bring you... a coversation about THIS GUY:
Erniesjp: ron butterfield was in 2 episodes of 24
Erniesjp: 1st season
Fool Pitied By T: hahah, yeah that's right! he got shot
Erniesjp: hahahha
Erniesjp: thats awesome
Fool Pitied By T: I remember that, that's funny... although, if I didn't, I could just say "oh yeah! he got shot!" and it would have at least a 50-50 chance of being right
Erniesjp: yea, most peaople you meet on that show get shot or worse
Fool Pitied By T: "Oh yeah! he was decapitated and had his head put in a bag!" "Oh yeah! He had his arm chopped off!" "Oh yeah, he was in air force one as it was shot down!" "Oh yeah! she was tied to a chair and shot through the gut, killing the unborn child who would have died anyway since it was too undeveloped to survive without the mother but it was a bitch move anyway!"
Erniesjp: dont forget the "Oh yeah, he was shot after he thought he kicked jack's ass and was thusly shot by a terrorist, because jack knew something was up and just decided to let the douchebag who had the gaul to hit him die"
Erniesjp: ronnie, that was that dumbass' name
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: aw man, I love 24 for it's lunacy and rediculousness
Erniesjp: yea, i miss it
Erniesjp: not to mention that the "return of jack" will far surpass the return of the likes of tony or whoever the hell else popped up
Erniesjp: damn though, they better try real fuckin hard to top tony's return
Erniesjp: cause he came back like a goddam hero
Fool Pitied By T: dude
Erniesjp: i even forgot how much i hated him after that
Fool Pitied By T: they'd never do this
Fool Pitied By T: but Jack shouldn't even be in it untill, like, episode 6
Fool Pitied By T: it should just be curtis
Erniesjp: exactly
Fool Pitied By T: and just when we stop wondering where Jack is
Fool Pitied By T: BAM
Erniesjp: and he come out of no where
Erniesjp: when tony or Curtis is about to die
Erniesjp: like on a rope swinging in and killing at least 5 dudes before the inetial swing is over
Fool Pitied By T: see, that should be his second appearance
Fool Pitied By T: in episode 8
Erniesjp: hahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: episode six, things are going to shit, and curtis is in trouble, and we see shit going down on the news on the old TV in some smokey hazy mexican bar, the white sun bleaching in through the windows, the sound of an old pool table in the background, a man sits at the bar and an extreme close up of his drink as he puts it down, extreme close up of the money he throws on the bar top, we follow the man's back as he exits the bar, camera swings aruond, and Jack puts on his shades...
Erniesjp: "You dont know Jack!"
Erniesjp: that was by far the best thing they could have ever done to lead into next season
Erniesjp: they must have known we'd be drunk and stoned
Erniesjp: and dumb enough to go shit crazy after tthat
Fool Pitied By T: yeah, rediculous, kinda lame, and yet when you've just finished a crazy episode and are baked out of your mind, it's the coolest damn thing you've ever seen
Fool Pitied By T: the writers are probably just stoned all the time and sitting in a room very much like my setup at scranton... "Waitwaitwait, guys, hold up.... what if....what if Jack says "i'm calling the only person I can trust... and then... at the end right... Jack's out of ammo.... he's about to be shot, and then... shit, and then.... TONY SHOWS UP shootin' mothafuckas in the HEAD!"
Erniesjp: "oh oh oh... and get this... wait, you'll love this. we'll put that querr ass soulpatch back on him, cause i mean now no one will care and he'll just look like the BIGGEST BADASS EVER!!!"
Erniesjp: followed by a universal "whoaaaaaaaaaa"
Fool Pitied By T: "and yo man, this may be... I dunno, tell me if this is out there, but like.... we shoot down air force one.." (from the back of the room: "nigga you CRAZY!") " no no no, hear me out... we shoot down air force one, so the VP has to take over.... and, ok, he's like, this massive pussy right... he's hidin' out in the bunker and shit.... so Mike, you remember Mike, right? yeah! We bring him back, and he realizes what a colossal vaj the VP is, so we have him say to someone... 'I know someone who can help'... and we have him call.... you ready for this shit, this is gonna blow your mind... PALMER!'
Fool Pitied By T: and then you just have a room of stoners doing McCurdy's lean-forward-in-the-chair-bent-over-with-an-expression-of-joy/pain-while-doing-the-Arsenio-arm-pump-cause-he-thinks-he's-black thing.
Erniesjp: earlier on in the planning, "wait guys, i know we had jack fuck up a witness already, but it just didnt have the pinash of, you know, shooting some guy and then cutting his head off..." "yea, maybe he could fuck someone up in a new way, like using a hotel room appliance." "oooh shit, we could make it someone he knows, like his girl's old beau." "nice nice, but that really doesnt seem 'jack' enough." ok well later, we;ll make people like the guy dumped to the curb for jack, by saving jacks life.. i know it's a bit corny, but everyone will be fucked up.... so then... brace yourself, jack kills the dude for the 'mission.'"
Erniesjp: everyone throws their notes into the air and just goes nuts
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: ok can't do this anymore after that one
Fool Pitied By T: especially because you used the word "beau", which is hysterical
Erniesjp: i needed to save type space
Erniesjp: i realized i was getting carried away
Fool Pitied By T: wait wait, I got one more
Fool Pitied By T: "OK..... how about this.... Jack needs to kill him because he needs the doctors... there's only one team of surgeons at CTU - no one will care why - and they're working on the beau.... but we'll make it her EX HUSBAND.... so they're working on him, and Jack brings in a witness that was shot and needs immidiate care so jack can interrogate him.... and he pulls a gun on the docs, they ditch the husband, he dies... BUT WAIT! that's not the clincher.... get this, the witness... he's Chinese, man, and... like... he knows Jack's coming for him.... so like, he goes to the chinese embassy for assylum... they're dicks, cause you know - asian - and won't let him be interrogated... so Jack, he goes OFF THE RESERVATION and takes Curtis and a jobber to INVADE!! the consulate accidentally gets killed, Jack gets blamed, and now China declares war... on JACK."
nothing happens for a really long time... there is shocked silence in the writer's room... then.... from one guy in the back... a slow clap starts. and another. and another. The room bursts into applause, writers are hugging each other and weaping openly, smiling through tear-stained lips.
Fool Pitied By T: Some one puts on "We Are the Champions" by Queen, and the bong is repacked
Erniesjp: HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Erniesjp: ok that was awesome
Erniesjp: the slow clap did it
OK and I wanted to end this with a shot of Jack in shades, walking off into the distance, but couldn't find it anywhere, so instead, how about this.... We know Sutherland likes to give his old "Young Guns" friends some work. Lou Diamond was already in Season One.... next season... Jack's pinned down... no where to turn, and the only person he can trust is....
"madness.... it made no sense whatsoever"