I stay up so late
It's like 3:30am. I need to go to sleep probably, but can't 'cause I have a lot on my mind. I've been having crazy dreams too, like crazy ones, last night I dreamt about condaleeza rice and she was dancing and focusing on her amazing thighs? It just made no damn sense. My days have been a blur, a good blur, a wonderful birthday, good friends, good times.
I'm dealing with this new thing though, the fact that Paul and I are no longer on a break, we have I guess officially broken up. It's mutual everything is so freaking mutual, and we talk about stuff and we're both agreeing that it's confusing but necessary, but shit.
Tonight I watched movies drank wine and old style with my roomates and friends. We eventually watched 'Fame' 'cause it's amazing, then everyone went to sleep and I stayed up and watched another movie that I shouldn't of watched really, 'cause it made me reminisce and well, brings up all kinds of thoughts.
I can't help but think what do I want? Celibacy has been going okay for the most part I've curbed a few temptations over the past few weeks, ones I would have grabbed at in the past with people I didn't know very well. I don't know how long I even want to keep up with it though. Do I want to meet somebody new now? Do I need to be alone? Do I just need to be Melissa.
I know the answer, and that is to just be Melissa, and not plan and plot and think everything through all the time. I am my happiest when I am creating and doing things to express myself. I just need to continue doing these things. i've been writing, that's good.
It's all okay really,
yikes.
I'm dealing with this new thing though, the fact that Paul and I are no longer on a break, we have I guess officially broken up. It's mutual everything is so freaking mutual, and we talk about stuff and we're both agreeing that it's confusing but necessary, but shit.
Tonight I watched movies drank wine and old style with my roomates and friends. We eventually watched 'Fame' 'cause it's amazing, then everyone went to sleep and I stayed up and watched another movie that I shouldn't of watched really, 'cause it made me reminisce and well, brings up all kinds of thoughts.
I can't help but think what do I want? Celibacy has been going okay for the most part I've curbed a few temptations over the past few weeks, ones I would have grabbed at in the past with people I didn't know very well. I don't know how long I even want to keep up with it though. Do I want to meet somebody new now? Do I need to be alone? Do I just need to be Melissa.
I know the answer, and that is to just be Melissa, and not plan and plot and think everything through all the time. I am my happiest when I am creating and doing things to express myself. I just need to continue doing these things. i've been writing, that's good.
It's all okay really,
yikes.