(no subject)
“About Dad Dying”
My father has died and I feel
like a vast chamber filled with coiled highway.
Not coiled like a spring, but
like a rope on a pier- with no kinetic ache
whatsoever. No
I changed my mind. I don’t feel like a chamber.
I don’t feel like any damn thing at all.
I try to get my head around “losing a parent.” So I imagine him lost.
A kid in a grocery store crying alone in the produce.
A dog off the leash.
Keys in the couch.
The Game. A Chance.
The Will to Whatever.
But this is very silly. I know he is not lost. He is simply gone.
It’s raining out and all I can do is smoke
and stare at the traffic. And let a steady succession of cups
of coffee grow cold and undrinkable
at my wrist.
Normally I would make fun of myself for these clichés,
But good goddamn, if not now, then when?
My father has died and I feel
like a vast chamber filled with coiled highway.
Not coiled like a spring, but
like a rope on a pier- with no kinetic ache
whatsoever. No
I changed my mind. I don’t feel like a chamber.
I don’t feel like any damn thing at all.
I try to get my head around “losing a parent.” So I imagine him lost.
A kid in a grocery store crying alone in the produce.
A dog off the leash.
Keys in the couch.
The Game. A Chance.
The Will to Whatever.
But this is very silly. I know he is not lost. He is simply gone.
It’s raining out and all I can do is smoke
and stare at the traffic. And let a steady succession of cups
of coffee grow cold and undrinkable
at my wrist.
Normally I would make fun of myself for these clichés,
But good goddamn, if not now, then when?